


Here and Where You Are

by Rebelguitargirl2015



Category: The 100 (TV), clexa fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Blow Jobs, Drama, F/F, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, G!p Lexa, Long-Distance Relationship, Los Angeles, Nerdy! Lexa, Online Friendship, Oral Sex, PTSD! Clarke, Party girl! Griffin, Partying, Roadtrips, San Diego, Smut, Social Media, Tumblr
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-10-09 11:41:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 43,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10411359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rebelguitargirl2015/pseuds/Rebelguitargirl2015
Summary: Lexa and Clarke met over Tumblr and have been talking for half a year now. They find out that they only live a couple of hours away from each other and Clarke wants to meet Lexa. To bad, Lexa has been hiding a very huge secret from Clarke. Turns out, Clarke has been hiding something from Lexa too.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I do this to myself, but here is yet another story. I know I already have like 3 out, well I'm adding to it haha. Please, tell me your thoughts and if I should continue or not.

The first time Lexa saw Clarke online, it was an accident. She accidentally clicked on the Tumblr accounts that popped up in her recommended. Lexa was a sophomore in college and worked at the café near by so she could make extra money. She lived in a dorm at the moment and was saving up to get an apartment. She didn't necessarily like her roommate all that much, they fought more times than she could count. Her name was Raven and she was a complete slob. Lexa liked her things nice, neat, and in order. Raven was the complete opposite and it drove Lexa absolutely insane.

Lexa liked to go on tumblr way more than she would admit. She followed a lot of gay blogs and when she stumbled upon Clarke, Lexa's mouth dropped open. Clarke posted various amount of selfies, almost every day. Lexa wasn't surprised that she could easily get a couple thousand likes just in one post (Lexa had definitely liked all her pictures).

Clarke was a blonde and Lexa normally didn't go for blondes. Her last girlfriend was brunette and her girlfriend before that was a red-head. But, Lexa was immediately attracted to this girl. Clarke had blonde hair and blue eyes and Lexa thought she was the typical blonde (Lexa learned that she wasn't). Clarke always wore her hair in different styles. One day she would have it up, the next day she would have it down and straighten, then the day after that, she would curl it. Lexa liked all the different styles that she wore.

She liked various amounts of photos before Lexa quickly realized that she wasn't even following the girl. Lexa's eyes widened at that, she probably just spammed this girl with all the likes and she wasn't even a follower.

Lexa wasn't sure if she should hit the follow button or not. She was seriously contemplating it, when her heart literally dropped.

_Clarkey241 started following TheCommander200._

Lexa looked around her dorm room. She looked left, then right, then she turned all the way around and was so thankful that Raven wasn't here. Lexa's heart was thumping in her chest. She couldn't believe the girl who she was literally stalking just followed her. Lexa didn't want to brag, but when she wasn't studying or in class, she was probably on Tumblr. She even has the app on her iPhone. Lexa liked to think that she ran a pretty good blog. It had a lot of gay activity and fandoms she was into, plus pictures of dogs.

Lexa was still surprised that this mysterious, but beautiful blonde had followed her. Lexa didn't know if she should hit the follow button or not. She wanted to thirst follow so bad, she just decided to do it. (It was the best decision she had ever made).

Lexa's heart thumped in her chest as she hit the follow button. She followed a lot of lesbians on Tumblr. Sometimes they follow her first, sometimes she followed them first. But, she'd never really been nervous to do it, until now.

She wasn't sure what would come of this and her eyes widened when she looked at the time. It was one forty-five and she had a two o'clock class. She needed to leave now or she would be late. It wasn't like it made much of a difference though. She could still go on Tumblr though the app and she did. On her way to class, she looked through more of Clarke's post and smiled like a damn creep. She went to her sociology class and half paid attention. She would've fully paid attention had it not been for the gorgeous blonde on her phone. Lexa seriously thought she could be a model, she had the looks and posted so many pictures of herself. Lexa wondered how someone could be so beautiful.

Lexa finally decided to put her phone down and pay attention. She already read ahead and took notes, but figured she should be respectful. Lexa was in the middle of a doodle, when her phone buzzed. It made Lexa jump and she discreetly pulled her phone out thinking it was Anya, her best friend, but her eyes widened the size of mars when she realized who just texted her.

Clarkey241: _Hey_

That was all it said. A plain and simple 'hey', but it got Lexa all excited. She wondered if she should respond now or wait. (Lexa didn't wait. She was hooked on this girl already. She didn't wait more than a few seconds before she responded back).

The two of them talked all night and for days after that until Clarke was brave enough to ask for her phone number. Now, they talk all the time and Lexa loved it. She was on her phone way more than she used to be and Clarke was definitely not shy with the double texting, but Lexa loved it.

They had been talking for half a year now and the question of where they lived never, not once came up. One, because Lexa really didn't want to sound like a stalker and two, because Lexa was scared of the answer. Clarke was so beautiful and all they really do was text each other. She didn't want to be tainted by the fact that Clarke probably didn't even live on the same continent. Her bio on Tumblr didn't have where she was from at all. Lexa understood because hers didn't either.

It was a quiet night. Raven was out and Lexa had the whole dorm room to herself. She had finished studying and was taking a much needed break. She was watching Netflix on her laptop when Clarke texted her.

**Clarke (:**

7:30

_Phew, I had a rough day._

**Lexa**

7:30

_Why?_

**Clarke (:**

7:31

_I'm just tired is all. Glad to be back in the dorm. I actually want to ask you something._

**Lexa**

7:32

_What?_

**Clarke (:**

7:33

_Where are you from?_

Lexa looked down at the text message and wondered if she was going to answer the question. She meant it when they never asked the other where they lived. They were living in happy bliss, not wanting to think about the distance that was probably there. Lexa didn't want to be devastated. Lexa took a huge breath and just decided to tell her.

**Lexa**

7:36

_Los Angeles_

The respond was immediate. It made Lexa's heart soar in her chest.

**Clarke (:**

7:36

_Get out. Me too. Not even lying. I live in California. Not Los Angeles but San Diego._

San Diego wasn't that all that far from Los Angeles. Lexa's eyes widened at this information.

**Lexa**

7:37

_Wow. I can't believe this._

**Clarke (:**

7:38

_Me neither!! Oh, my god. I know this is forward but we should totally try to meet up one day._

Lexa's heart swelled in her chest once again and her hands became all sweaty. Clarke wanted to meet her? She knew they've been talking for a while, but still, Lexa couldn't quite believe it. Would they even meet up? She had never met with anyone off Tumblr. Lexa wasn't sure how to respond to that, when she looked down in her lap and her eyes widened. She couldn't meet up with Clarke. Even if it was wishful thinking, there was a very huge secret that she was hiding from Clarke. She knew she wasn't ready to tell her.

Clarke was so beautiful in every way and Lexa enjoyed talking to her. She developed an attachment to this girl and knew if Clarke knew, she would think she was a freak. She never talked about it and they would send selfies of each other but it was never full body selfies.

Lexa knew if Clarke knew she was missing a very important part of being a girl, Clarke wouldn't talk to her. On Clarke's profile it said that she was bisexual. But, still, Lexa knew she was being to hard on herself, but was speaking from experience. She always got weird looks when she mentioned she was intersex and didn't want to tell any more people.

Her roommate found out one night, but thankfully, Raven wasn't a total asshole about it. She was afraid because if Clarke turned her away or didn't want to speak with her again, Lexa would be absolutely crushed.

Lexa stared down at her phone, wondering if she should answer or not.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank you all for the support on the first chapter. I really like the idea of this story and I already have it all planned out. I just wasn't sure if you guys would want to read it or not. I'm still on the fence with this story though. Please (kindly) tell me your thoughts. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Of course, Lexa answered her. She could never go too long without talking to Clarke. She was fully aware of the attachment she had to the girl, even though she would never admit it to Clarke. They would flirt sometimes, but Lexa knew that they were strictly friends. Lexa wasn't sure if her response was ideal or not. She really wasn't sure what to say. She still couldn't believe that Clarke was so willingly wanting to meet with her. Lexa wondered if Clarke had done this to anyone else on Tumblr. (Lexa liked to think that she hadn't, because it made her feel special).

**Lexa**

8:00

_Yeah, maybe_

Lexa actually face palmed herself. That was a stupid response and she knew it. She really didn't know what to say to Clarke, but Lexa didn't want Clarke to think that she was a catfish because she wasn't. She had been nothing but honest with Clarke, the only thing she has really lied to her about was the fact that she was intersex.

They had that typical conversation of favorite things and likes and dislikes. Lexa learned a lot about Clarke, like the fact that Clarke had to sleep with her lamp on, but swore she wasn't afraid of the dark. Clarke was majoring in interior design and wanted to design the inside of homes when she graduated. She learned that Clarke's favorite color was green and that she loved eating pizza. She learned that Clarke liked to go out and party way more than she did. She also learned that Clarke was so compassionate, caring and beautiful. _Absolutely beautiful._ Lexa wondered why Clarke took the time out of her day to talk to her.

Lexa didn't get a response right away and figured she wouldn't. She took almost half an hour to response to something that was quite serious. She didn't know when she was going to get a response and because the universe was against her, her roommate walked in.

Lexa didn't bother looking up to her and knew her roommate went out of her way to make her presence know. Raven had a habit of changing in front of her. Lexa wasn't really sure why, but Lexa always made a point of changing when Raven wasn't around. She was glad she changed into sweats before Raven came back. Lexa didn't even know Raven was going to be here tonight.

"Don't worry. I just needed to change. I'm leaving after this." Raven said as if she read Lexa's thoughts. Lexa didn't answer, just rolled her eyes, but was glad Raven wasn't staying for the night. Lexa looked down at her phone and noticed that Clarke still hadn't texted her back. Lexa discreetly saw that Raven was texting on her phone with a huge smile on her face. Raven took off her shirt and looked back at Lexa with a smirk.

"Try not to get hard." Raven sneered and Lexa's face turned red. She wasn't sure if it was out of embarrassment or because a part of her was watching Raven get undress. Lexa totally blamed it on her hormones. She wasn't really attracted to Raven, but she was a pretty girl. Her personality completely ruined Lexa's image of her and Lexa glared at her. Raven just giggled and turned back to what she was doing. Lexa made it a point to look down at her laptop screen instead of Raven. Lexa noticed how Raven was still looking down and texting with a smile on her face. It was probably one of the multiple hook-ups that she had throughout the weekend.

"Alright, try not to jerk off to shirtless images of me." Raven teased and didn't even let Lexa respond before she was out the door. Lexa just huffed.

She decided that she wanted a distraction from all of this, so she got up and got dressed and went down to the dining hall with Lincoln to get some dinner. Anya would have joined them, but she had to work tonight. Lexa was sitting with Lincoln at one of the many tables in the dining hall and thought that she didn't look upset, but Lincoln quickly picked up on her mood.

"What's going on?" Lincoln asked as he took a bite of his burger.

"You know that girl I always text?" Lexa prompted and Lincoln nodded. "Well, I don't know. Things are kind of weird right now." Lexa had never told Lincoln the name of the girl, but talked about her quite often. Same with Anya, Lexa just didn't want to talk so much about a girl that she hadn't even met. In a blink of an eye, Clarke could just stop responding to her. Lexa thought that was what was happening now.

"Maybe you should text her again. Make sure everything is okay." Lincoln suggested. Lexa nodded at that. She wasn't going to text her right now, but maybe when she gets back to her dorm. Lexa enjoyed the night with Lincoln and tried her hardest not to think about Clarke, (she totally failed at that).

* * *

 

Lexa had just settled down for the night. She went to shower before hopping into bed. She was thinking that maybe she should text Clarke again. She reached over on her nightstand and unlocked her phone. She knew Clarke was alive and well because she posted a selfie not to long ago and the caption read: _I miss you_.

Lexa wasn't sure who Clarke was talking about because it easily could've been someone else. But, Lexa hoped to god that Clarke was talking about her.

Lexa closed out her Tumblr app and opened her messages. She was getting ready to type out a message to Clarke, when she saw the three little grey dots appear at the bottom. Lexa waited for what felt like a lifetime before Clarke texted her.

**Clarke (:**

10:40

_Hey, sorry I was out_

Lexa stared at the text. It was only five words, but Lexa was studying it like it was her whole history textbook. She would never doubt Clarke and what she told her. She had no right to judge because she was lying to Clarke herself. But, Clarke always made a point to text her while she was out, even if it was a one-worded text, Clarke would still text her. Lexa frowned when she realized Clarke blew her off for the night. She didn't blame Clarke, her response could have been more enthusiastic. She wanted to meet Clarke, she did, but she nervous. This could all go really bad.

**Lexa**

10:42

_It's fine. I'm just settling in for the night_

Lexa thought that was a better and more decent response, so she hit the send button. She could feel her heart beating and tried to calm it down. She has had many conversations with Clarke at night. In fact, that was when they talked the most.

**Clarke (:**

10:43

_I'm sorry I don't mean to be a bother_

Clarke could never be a bother to her. Clarke had woken her up in the middle of the night, too many times to count and like the weak girl she was, she responded right away. Clarke always told her that she should be sleeping and Lexa would tell her that she should be sleeping as well. It would turn into this whole cute argument between the two of them.

**Lexa**

10:44

_You didn't bother me_

**Clarke (:**

10:48

_Did I make you feel awkward before? I'm sorry, I just got so excited that we live like a couple hours away from each other_

Lexa wanted to tell her that she didn't feel awkward, she was just sure if Clarke actually did meet her, she would regret it. Lexa knew this. Clarke would be completely repulsed by it and Lexa lifted the covers and stared down at her member. She wasn't embarrassed by it, just the idea of it.

She was proud to admit that she stood at eight inches and Raven even awkwardly caught a glimpse of it one morning when she woke up hard. Raven not having any type of filter, asked how big she was. Lexa picked up on Raven's condescending tone immediately and proudly told her she was eight inches long and Raven's eyes widened at that. There was an awkward silence and Lexa just smirked as she watched Raven recover. They never talked about that night again.

**Lexa**

10:50

_You didn't. I'm just being stupid_

**Clarke (:**

10:50

_You aren't stupid_

**Clarke (:**

10:50

_Maybe we can just start fresh tomorrow?_

Lexa knew Clarke was trying to make her feel better and Lexa hated the awkward situation she was in. She couldn't get Clarke's beautiful face out of her mind and wouldn't mind staring at her face for the rest of her days. Lexa didn't want to end the night off on a bad note. Even though Clarke wasn't going to say it, she knew Clarke was hurt about this situation. Lexa should've been more broad about it. She should've responded back with just as much enthusiasm. Lexa didn't even know how she would bring up the awkward situation she knew that was bound to happen.

She knew Clarke would try to forget what she offered for the sake of Lexa and felt bad, but she wasn't sure what to think. Could this actually happen? They've never really talked on the phone or anything. Lexa thought that maybe she should call Clarke sometime and got butterflies in her stomach just thinking about the possibility.

**Lexa**

10:53

_Okay. But... maybe... maybe I could call you tomorrow?_

Lexa kept it at that and nodded to herself as she hit the send button. She didn't want to back out of this. It'd been half a year, she'd never talked to a girl online for this long and it was clear that Clarke wanted to keep talking to her. So, Lexa tried her faith and asked the question that made her heart skip several beats. Lexa kept the message open, she wanted to watch Clarke type and when she saw that she was, she let out a squeal or what Lexa assumed was a squeal. Actually, Lexa didn't even know the noise that just came out of her mouth.

**Clarke (:**

10:54

_Really? You would want to do that?_

Lexa nodded and then stopped when she realized that Clarke couldn't see her. She typed out her message.

**Lexa**

10:55

_I think we've been talking for a while now and I know we follow each other on Tumblr. Maybe we could actually talk on the phone_

Clarke's response came within seconds.

**Clarke (:**

10:55

_I would love too. When would you want to do it?_

Tomorrow was Saturday and Lexa didn't have any classes, though she had work all morning and into the late afternoon. She had some studying she needed to do, but could definitely make time for Clarke.

**Lexa**

10:56

_Maybe around 6 pm?_

**Clarke (:**

10:57

_Sure! That works for me. Wow, this is exciting. I can't wait to actually hear your voice_

Lexa blushed at that and once again, she was thankful that Raven was out because she knew that she would tease her for it. Raven didn't know of Clarke, no one really did. Anya and Lincoln had an idea of her, but Lexa never told them her name and wouldn't ever mention Clarke to Raven. She would never hear the end of it. But, Lexa couldn't wait to hear Clarke's voice either.

**Lexa**

10:58

_Me too! (:_

Lexa didn't know whether that came off as flirty or not. She knew her and Clarke have the tendency to shamelessly flirt with one another.

**Clarke (:**

11:00

_Alright, I should let you get some sleep. But, I'll talk to you tomorrow (:_

**Lexa**

11:01

_Goodnight, Clarke (:_

**Clarke (:**

11:02

_Night, Lexa (:_

Lexa fell asleep with a smile on her face. She was sure that this conversation of meeting up was going to come up again. Lexa wasn't sure if she was going to tell Clarke her secret. She didn't know how Clarke was going to react. But, Lexa was excited for what was going to happen tomorrow. It would be the first time Lexa had heard Clarke's voice and couldn't wait. She bet Clarke's voice was smooth like honey. Lexa fell asleep with Clarke on her mind.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you guys know this, but as of right now I work and attend college. I was going to take summer classes, but decided against it. Not because of my stories or anything, it was just a personal decision I made. With that decision though, means that I will have even more time to write for you guys.  
> I also don't know if you guys know this, but I love to write. It has always been a passion of mine and I'm never stressed out to do this. I know I have a few stories out right now and I'm glad to do them. I can't thank you guys enough for all of the support on all of my stories. You guys are great. It makes me a little emotional because writing makes me happy and I'm definitely going to do something that makes me happy.  
> I'm going to definitely continue with this story. I'm always thinking of new ideas and I'm always writing. I absolutely love it. You guys are in for a wild ride this summer, because I'm going to upload even more than I do now and I like to think I'm pretty quick with my uploads. I'm always uploading because I'm always writing haha.  
> Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is, I'm here for the long run and I know a lot of you follow my Wicked Games story and I have an ending for that story too. I just can't thank you guys enough for believing in me and my stories. I didn't know if anyone would read them, but you guys seem to be enjoying them and I have many more to come.  
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

Clarke woke up to the sound of music playing. It wasn't blasting, but it wasn't quiet either. Clarke opened one eye and then the other and groaned when she looked over at Octavia.

"Must you blast music?" Clarke mumbled sleepily. She knew Octavia heard her because she chuckled.

"It's a beautiful day," Octavia commented. "It's also almost eleven." She added as she laughed again. Clarke groaned again as she sat up in bed and immediately checked her phone.

**Lexa**

8:30 AM

_I know you are probably asleep but I just wanted to say good morning (: and I can't wait to call you later_

Clarke stared down at her phone and grinned. Lexa was so cute.

"Who is that? Is it Raven?" Octavia asked and Clarke shook her head, still smiling.

"Oh, it's the mysterious girl, isn't it?" Octavia asked. Clarke didn't lie to her, she was her best friend after all.

"Yes. She texted me good morning before she went to work." Clarke told her.

"She sounds so sweet." Octavia gushed.

"She is." Clarke didn't tell Octavia that Lexa lived so close to them. Octavia didn't know Lexa's name, but knew of her because Clarke was always talking to her.

Clarke noticed this girl liking all of her pictures and Clarke was in the middle of drinking water when she clicked on Lexa's Tumblr account and spit her water out everywhere. It landed awkwardly all over her bed, but Clarke didn't care. This girl was _gorgeous_. She had long brown hair and she was wearing a beanie in her profile picture and looked absolutely adorable with it on. She had sparkling green eyes and she was instantly drawn to them. She immediately followed the girl and contemplated for half a day if she should message the girl. (Clarke totally did. She wasn't even sorry for it).

"Anyways, you should text Raven and ask her if she has time to come down here soon, I miss her." Octavia pouted and Clarke immediately agreed with her.

"I'll try, but you know Raven, she's always working on something. Perks of majoring in engineering." Clarke said and Octavia nodded.

"But, still. I want to see her." Octavia demanded.

"Okay, okay. I'll ask, but who knows if she can. What are you doing tonight?" Clarke slipped that in there. She didn't want to be to obvious, but was trying to figure out what Octavia was doing.

"I don't know. I might go hang out with Jasper tonight, I'm not sure yet," Octavia looked over to Clarke. "Why?"

"I'm just asking." Clarke said as innocently as she could.

"You could come with?" Octavia asked. "We were just going to go to the movies."

"Maybe." Clarke knew the answer was no. She didn't want Octavia to know what she was doing later on today and her stomach flipped at the thought of it.

"You know Jasper is in like ruins because he can't see Raven." Clarke would never admit it, but so was she. She couldn't physically describe how much she missed Raven. They all went to high school together and developed a tight close group with just the four of them: Clarke, Octavia, Raven and jasper. This was still their first year of college and Clarke was loving it so far, but missed her best friend.

Raven decided that she wanted to go to a school further away and it wasn't because she didn't want to be around her friends, she did. The university that she wanted to go to had a better engineering program for her. It hit them all hard that they were missing the fourth member of their group and they were all dying to see her.

Clarke sent her a text a little bit later when she was freshly showered and more awake. Raven responded back immediately saying that she would be down to come see them soon and Clarke smiled. It was a sad smile. Words couldn't explain how much she missed the girl.

* * *

 

"Are you okay?" Lexa hated how much concern she put into that question, but she wasn't going to lie and say she wasn't worried for the girl. Raven was doubled over and she was holding her knee.

"I'm fine." Raven gritted out and Lexa knew she was lying. She was leaning against her side of the closet. Lexa put her bag down and went over to her.

"Let me help you." Lexa said softly. She had just gotten off from work and it was two in the afternoon. She thought Raven wouldn't be here, she usually never was. She looked like she was about to leave, but couldn't get out the door. Raven had a brace on her leg and Lexa never questioned it. Lexa immediately picked up on the fact that it was one of the things that Raven would never tell her, not like she told her a lot or anything.

Lexa noticed the pain etched onto Raven's face and was surprised that Raven let her touch her. Lexa wrapped an arm around Raven's waist and Raven immediately supported all of her weight on the girl. Lexa didn't like to brag, but she hit the gym three times a week and easily carried the other girl's weight over to her bed.

"Here's my phone. Call Monty and tell him to come over now." Raven demanded as she shoved her phone into Lexa's hand. Lexa looked down at the contact and back at Raven. She didn't know why she was being so caring, but she wasn't that heartless. Raven looked like she was in so much pain.

Lexa awkwardly called the boy and told him that this was Raven's roommate and that Raven needed him to get down to their dorm room right away. Monty didn't ask any questions. In fact, he already told Lexa he was on the way before she even finished talking. Lexa awkwardly hovered over Raven as they waited for Monty.

Lexa wasn't sure who Monty was, but he sounded like a good friend by the way he immediately rushed over here. Lexa couldn't have been waiting more than five minutes before their dorm room busted open. Lexa looked down and noticed that Raven looked more at ease.

"Are you okay?" Monty asked as he rushed over to Raven. Raven just groaned in response.

"I found her like this." Lexa said awkwardly to the Asian boy in front of her. Lexa couldn't help but noticed that his hair was in absolutely perfect condition, swooped to the side. Lexa turned her head to the side and also couldn't help but noticed that Monty was kind of cute. Lexa caught herself, shook herself up a little bit and brought herself back to reality.

"I think I'm good now. It was like a muscle cramp." Raven explained unsure.

"Are you sure?" Monty asked and Raven stood up. Lexa immediately held her hands out.

"I'm fine, Lexa." Raven said, but Lexa didn't look convinced. Raven continued to stand up and she was successful with it. Lexa noticed how Raven was glaring down at her leg.

"Are you sure you are okay to walk? We can just hang out here?" Monty asked and Lexa panicked a little. She felt bad for it because Raven was clearly just in pain and it was hard for her to walk. But, another part of her was being selfish because Raven and her didn't get along and wanted the dorm to herself tonight, so she could call Clarke.

"Yup. All good." Raven said standing up straight and Lexa didn't question it. Monty nodded and walked out the door. Raven slowly trailed behind him. Lexa thought that Raven was going to walk out and close the door, but she was surprised when Raven turned back around to look at her.

"Thank you." That was all Raven said and Lexa had never heard Raven sound so honest. Lexa couldn't help but let out a small smile, and knew that this was yet another moment that they weren't going to talk about.

"You're welcome." Lexa spotted Raven's smile even though she tried to cover it up. Lexa saw her pearly whites and Raven nodded to her. She didn't say anything more, but the look on her face spoke more than she ever would.

* * *

 

Lexa was nervous. Her hands were shaking and it was 5:58 pm. She would be calling Clarke in two minutes and couldn't quite believe it. Lexa was finally going to hear Clarke's voice. All she saw were pictures of her and texted her, but was finally going to hear what Clarke sounded like. She was nervous. It was nerve-wrecking to think about and Lexa realized that she was out of time.

It was six o'clock, on the dot, and it was time to call Clarke. Lexa clicked on Clarke's contact information and decided that she would just go for it. Her heart thumped with every ring it took for Clarke to pick up.

"Hello?" Lexa wasn't sure if she died and went to heaven with the angel-like voice that floated through her phone. Clarke sounded _heavenly_ and Lexa was already in love with her voice.

"Hi." Lexa breathed out and she heard Clarke giggle.

"Wow, you sound cute." Clarke said. Lexa closed her eyes and was remembering every thing about Clarke's voice. How soft, but raspy it was. How smooth she sounded. How young she sounded.

"You sound cute too." Lexa said back and Clarke giggled again. It was the cutest laugh she had ever heard.

"What's up?" Clarke asked. Lexa fully laid onto her bed and got comfortable.

"Nothing. I'm just laying around. What are you doing?" Lexa asked.

"Laundry. I somehow got roped into doing it, even though my roommate isn't here." Clarke replied. Lexa still couldn't believe that she was talking to this girl. She was so beautiful in every way and Lexa felt honored that Clarke wanted to talk to her.

"That sounds like fun. I actually need to do some laundry as well. But, I don't do my roommates." Lexa said back, her nerves running all through her. Lexa heard Clarke let out a sigh and Lexa let one out too. Lexa didn't think Clarke had to say it, she knew.

"This is crazy." Clarke sighed and Lexa hummed in agreement.

"Maybe, I could call you more often." Lexa suggested and this time Clarke hummed.

"That would be great. I would love that." Clarke said honestly.

"Me too." Lexa whispered out. She knew she was screwed. She was completely attached to this girl. They've barely been talking for no more than three minutes and Lexa already wanted to do this all day, everyday. Now, Lexa knew that wouldn't be physically possible, but would definitely make it a point to call Clarke more because she was already hooked on it.

"How was your day?" Lexa asked and genuinely wanted to know. She knew a lot about the girl, but wanted to know every little thing about Clarke. (Clarke had no problem with Lexa knowing everything).

"It was good. How was yours?"

The two spent the rest of the night talking. Lexa took a thirty minute break to go get some dinner and bring it back to her dorm. She instantly redialed Clarke's number and they talked as Lexa ate her dinner. Lexa knew she got herself in way too deep.

The things she was feeling were scary feelings. She thought it was safe to say that she had a huge crush on Clarke, but Clarke didn't know the one thing that made Lexa herself. She wished throughout the whole night that she would've told Clarke why she sounded so resistant to meet her.

Lexa wondered how she would tell her though. Would it be over text or over a phone call? Lexa actually wanted to wait until they were face to face, but she thought Clarke would be even more mad if she waited all that time. Lexa made it a point to tell Clarke at some point in time. She felt bad that she knew Clarke had been nothing but honest with her, and she was hiding something so huge from her. It was just that Lexa liked Clarke so much that she didn't want to mess up what they have. Clarke clearly enjoyed talking to her and Lexa enjoyed talking to Clarke too. She didn't want to mess that up in any way.

Lexa found herself laughing way more than she had in a really long time. She was intrigued. Clarke was such an interesting soul. Lexa found herself being drawn in by that raspy, velvety voice that was also soft and heavenly. Lexa found herself falling more and more for Clarke.

* * *

 

Raven looked over to Monty. He easily became one of her best friends here on campus and loved hanging out with the boy.

"So, you remember those friends I told you about?" Raven asked. They were sitting on Monty's bed.

"Yeah, what about them?" Monty asked curiously.

"Well, they want me to come down there. My friend Clarke texted me and said that they miss me and want to see me," Raven said as she looked over to Monty. "I was just wondering.. If I ever do go down there, would you want to come with me?"

"You want me to come with you?" Monty asked dumbfounded and Raven nodded.

"Yes, you are easily one of my best friends and I want you to meet my other best friends. I miss them and I'm not saying that you don't have friends here on campus because we both know you do, I just want you to meet them. I feel like you would get along great with my friend Jasper." Raven suggested and watched as Monty processed this information.

"I don't see why not. I always wanted to see San Diego." Monty shrugged and Raven grinned.

"Really? I don't have a time yet to which we would go but it would be soon because I'm absolutely dying to see them." Raven said in a dramatic voice and Monty chuckled.

"Yeah. I'd be cool with it." Monty agreed.

"Great! This is so great! You'll love them. I know they would appreciate those special brownies that you make." Raven smirked and Monty smirked back.

"I'm guessing they would," Monty said. "You okay?" He asked more seriously.

"Yes. I'm better now." Raven said in a confident tone, though she didn't feel better.

"It's happening more. You don't walk the way you used too. I can see that you're hurting." Monty said softly and Raven shook her head. She wasn't going to get mad at Monty. She absolutely adored him, but didn't want to talk about this.

"I'm fine, Monty." Raven replied.

"Okay." Monty dropped it. He knew he brought down the mood with that question.

"Want to go make some of my special brownies?" He asked with a smirked and Raven immediately nodded.

"Yes, please."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very important to the development of this story.  
> I hope you enjoy!

Lexa found herself watching Raven more. Not in a sexual way, but she kept a careful eye on her and started noticing it more. Lexa would notice how Raven would scrunch her face up when she got up from bed. Raven had actually been spending more time in the dorm, but would mysteriously disappear at night for a couple of hours. Lexa didn't even want to know what Raven was doing.

Lexa would notice how Raven would let out a groan every time she stood and sat down. Lexa was never really good with other people's emotions and never pegged herself to be observant. But, she watched Raven and she watched her hurt.

Lexa didn't say anything about it, obviously. She watched on wordlessly as Raven sat back in pain. They were more civil with each other, but they didn't talk to each other all that much. They could exist in the same room with one another without bickering, and Lexa would like to call that progress.

It was Thursday night and she just finished her classes. She was going to grab a bite to eat before she went back to her dorm. Anya was going to come over for a bit and Lexa couldn't wait to see her. Lexa was comfortable around Anya and loved hanging out with the girl. She was a sophomore like her and they went to high school together.

Lexa walked into her room and saw that Raven wasn't there. Lexa cursed herself for wondering where she was and if she was in pain. Lexa quickly shook her head and focused on Anya coming over. She straightened up her side of the dorm, even though it was already pretty tidy and had just sat down on her bed, when she heard a knock on the door. She got up and opened the door for Anya.

"Hey." Anya greeted casually, pulling Lexa in for a hug.

"Hi." Lexa said softly as she wrapped her arms around Anya. They went over to her bed and sat down.

"So, how's that girl you always talk to?" Anya asked and Lexa smiled. It had been a couple weeks since they started talking on the phone and it was safe to say that they've called each other every night. Lexa had been loving it, she thought it was going to be awkward, but she spent hours on end just talking to Clarke. Getting to know her more, listening to her.

She felt so special that she got this time with Clarke. That she knew all the little things that make Clarke who she was even though she hadn't met her yet. That conversation hadn't come up yet and Lexa knew it was because Clarke didn't want to make her feel awkward. They've been calling each other way more than they text now. Lexa had found herself just wanting to blurt out the words, but stopped herself every time.

"Good." Lexa said with a small smile as she looked over at Anya. She was watching her with a sly smile and Lexa knew that look.

"Do I hear wedding bells in the future?" Anya teased and Lexa rolled her eyes.

"We're just friends." Lexa mumbled awkwardly and Anya nodded. She was getting ready to respond when Raven walked through the door. Her clothes were dirty with grease and oil and her hair was up in a ponytail. She limped into the room and closed the door behind her.

"Oh, hey." Raven said awkwardly as she looked over to Lexa and Lexa nodded to her. Raven then turned to look at Anya and hoped that her face remained neutral, but choked on her breath when she got a glimpse of the girl.

She didn't stare for too long, but she stared long enough to see that Anya was absolutely beautiful. She had her hair up in a bun and Raven detected the streaks of blonde that highlighted the ends. She had high cheek bones and big brown eyes. Raven wonder what this beautiful girl was doing hanging out with her dork of a roommate.

"I'm going to shower." Raven announced as she walked over to her closet and Lexa's eyes widened. Lexa didn't even get a chance to say anything as Raven started to get undress right in front of them. Lexa immediately turned away and Anya gaped at the half naked girl in front of her. Anya watched with dark eyes and before Raven turned around, she fixed her face and turned back to Lexa.

"Have fun nerds." Raven said as she walked into the bathroom that was connected in the middle of another dorm. Lexa looked at Anya and noticed the longing look on her face and this time she looked slyly at Anya before realizing how terrible Raven was making her eyes widened.

"Don't you dare." Lexa warned as she looked back at Anya.

"What do you mean?" Anya asked innocently.

"I know that look. And, plus, she is straight so please don't." Lexa begged and Anya turned serious.

"I'm not. Don't worry," Anya dismissed. "Now, tell me more about this girl." 

* * *

 

"I just wish that.. you were here. I feel like we would have a good time." Lexa heard Clarke say. This was the first time in a while that she brought it up.

"Yeah, it would be nice. Wouldn't it?" It was a more appropriate response than before and Clarke seemed to like that answer.

"You didn't freak out this time." Lexa picked up on Clarke's teasing tone.

"I wasn't that bad before." Lexa grumbled.

"I thought you were going to run for the hills." Clarke teased again.

"You know, you're lucky you're cute." Lexa nipped and heard Clarke chuckle.

"Oh, yeah? What are you going to do to me?" Clarke taunted.

"You don't want to know." Lexa said darkly. She didn't know if she meant it sexually or threateningly. She heard Clarke suck in a breath and Lexa held her own, waiting for Clarke to response. Did she go too far?

"I wanna know." Clarke said quietly. Lexa had to strain her ears to hear it. Outside, she heard a variety of students making their way through the halls and talking loudly. She heard the static through the phone, but she heard Clarke's barely there whisper and had gasped when she did. Lexa felt her dick twitch in her sweatpants and felt embarrassed.

"No, you don't." Lexa wanted to stir the conversation into a different direction before she became hard. It was ridiculous, they weren't even talking sexually.

"Hopefully one day, I will." Clarke flirted back and Lexa smiled.

"One day." Lexa promised. She had never mentioned their potential meet up or if it was going to even happen and this was the first time she had, in some degree, agreed that she actually wanted to see Clarke. She did and hoped Clarke knew that. (Lexa thought she did with the dreamy sigh she let out).

"I hate to do this. But, my shift starts soon. I should go." Clarke said and Lexa hummed.

"Alrighty. I guess I can call you tomorrow?" Lexa asked hopefully. She liked to believe she could just hear Clarke smiling on the line.

"Of course. I wouldn't expect anything different." Clarke said in a sigh and Lexa giggled.

"Alright. Have a good shift. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Bye, Lexa."

* * *

 

Raven pushed through the pain as she walked into the café. It wasn't the one that her roommate worked at, she knew Lexa would immediately be worried about her. It was hard not to notice the glances that Lexa would throw her way throughout the day and hated that she was so vulnerable around the girl.

She had just finished her physics class and the guy she was seeing, Wick, was being a total tool right now. She knew they weren't together, but he could at least have the decency not to hook up with other girls while they were. Raven felt disgusted knowing that she was sleeping with someone who was sleeping with so many other people. Raven had no idea about this until she just went to his dorm room and found him with another girl. Raven was absolutely livid and angrily walked across campus to get some coffee.

It was a stupid move on her part because she was in pain. Throbbing pain and she didn't know what to do. She had just entered the coffee shop and it would be stupid to turn back now. Not like she could anyways. Raven grimaced the whole way to the front counter and before she took that last step to the front of the line, she felt it. She tried to hold on to the counter for dear-life but she felt it happening.

Her leg buckled out from beneath her and she went down screaming. She had never felt pain like this before and her doctor said that it would be common. She'd been taking her pain meds, but this was different. Her doctor told her that there was going to be pain, but Raven was tough, she could get through it. But, not this. It was absolutely searing pain and she fell to the floor, holding her leg. She heard a lot of movement around her.

"Someone help her!" Raven had no idea who yelled that out, but Raven found her shaking her head. It would pass and then she would be okay again. She had to be. She couldn't stop the whimpers and the yells that came out of her mouth, when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

She looked up through pained eyes and saw the girl that Lexa was with yesterday. The beautiful brunette with the blonde streaks. Raven looked up at her like she was a goddess and she was. She had a hand on her shoulder and was talking, but Raven wasn't listening to a word she was saying. She was in so much pain.

"Should I call 9-1-1?" That question registered in her mind and she immediately shook her head.

"No," Raven said around her whimpers. "Just help me up." Raven said to the girl and the girl looked warily at her. Raven felt like she was in no condition to move, but planted her feet on the ground and fought through the pain.

"Please, help me up." Raven begged and the girl finally nodded. She grabbed Raven around her waist and easily lifted her up and Raven wrapped her arm around her neck.

"Do you still want some coffee?" The girl asked and Raven noticed how everyone was looking at her.

"No," Raven gritted out. "Just take me to my dorm, please." Raven was absolutely exhausted and wanted to lay down. She was glad that the beautiful girl agreed with her.

Raven tried not to look at the girl the whole walk back to her dorm, but it was hard. Raven was completely drawn to the girl and she had no idea why. She wasn't gay, but could appreciate a beautiful girl and this one was gorgeous. Raven realized that she didn't even know her name.

"What's your name?" Raven asked.

"Anya." Raven nodded.

"I'm Rav-"

"Raven. I know." Anya said quietly. She was practically dragging Raven across campus and Raven was absolutely embarrassed. She couldn't wait to be back in her dorm. She sighed in relief when they reached her dorm and was counting down the seconds when she could lay down. When they entered her dorm, she groaned loudly as Anya lowered her to the bed.

Anya hovered over her, "Do you want me to call Lexa?" She asked.

"No," Raven shook her head. "I just want to sleep." Raven felt like she could knock out at any moment. This pain was getting to her and she just wanted to sleep.

"Okay, but I'm not going anywhere." Anya said seriously and Raven stared up at the girl curiously. Raven trailed her gaze down to the girl's lips and Raven licked hers. She quickly caught herself and flicked her eyes back up to Anya's.

"You don't have too." Raven said.

"Yeah, but I am." Anya argued as she sat down on Lexa's bed and Raven just nodded. She didn't want to talk anymore, she wanted to sleep. And she did, the second she got comfortable, she fell asleep.

* * *

 

Lexa walked back to her dorm room with a smile on her face. Instead of waiting to get back to her dorm, she called Clarke on the way there. It was a brief conversation but it was a conversation nevertheless. Lexa walked into her room to Anya sitting on her bed. Lexa looked around confused, when she saw Raven sleeping in her bed. Lexa came in quietly and nodded to Anya.

Anya quickly filled her in on what happened and Lexa looked over with compassionate eyes. She couldn't help it, she knew she was right. Raven was getting worse. Lexa sighed as she put her stuff down and was getting ready to sit down on the bed when she heard, what she thought was the most terrifying scream of her life. Lexa jumped and so did Anya. They both looked over at the source of the scream.

It was Raven and Lexa panicked.

Anya got up and rushed over to the girl as did Lexa. Raven wasn't awake at first, but she was thrashing around in bed. Lexa noticed how Raven was clutching her knee again. Lexa went into full-on panic mode because she knew that Raven was in pain.

"Wake up, Raven." She heard Anya say and she sounded so gentle and reassuring around Raven's cries.

"It hurts." Raven let out the most heartbreaking sob Lexa had ever heard. She felt tears prickle in her own eyes.

"I know, so wake up so we can figure it out." Lexa watched in amazement as Anya ran her hands through Raven's hair and Raven opened her eyes. She immediately let out another scream.

"Make it stop!" She cried painfully and Lexa didn't know what to do.

"Do you want me to call Monty?" Lexa asked desperately. Raven nodded and Lexa immediately went to do that as Anya tried to comfort the girl. Lexa wasn't surprised that Monty was there in a blink of an eye, even with how late it was. Raven cries have subsided a little bit, but she would let out a painful whimper every now and then.

Everyone was quiet in the room and to Lexa's surprise, Raven actually let Anya hold her. Anya had sat fully on the bed and wrapped her arms around Raven and Raven let her. She noticed how Raven had calmed down slightly with Anya's arms wrapped around her.

It didn't take a genius to see that Raven was not only in pain, but she had a nightmare too. Lexa knew she did with the way she didn't wake up at first. Lexa was so curious, but she wasn't going to ask questions.

"You're getting worse." Monty said, breaking the silence that they had fallen into. Raven just cried and looked sadly over to the boy.

"I know." No one said anything after that. They all stayed in their dorm room for the night. Anya slept with Raven and Monty awkwardly crashed with Lexa. It wasn't that Monty was freaked out or anything, Raven had told him what was going on with the girl. He didn't want to invade her personal space, but before Raven went back to sleep, she told Monty to stay. Monty told her that he wasn't going anywhere and Lexa would encounter an awkward night of having a boy sleep in her bed, for the sake of Raven.

She'd shared a bed with Lincoln before, but that was at his mom's house and his bed was a lot bigger than the twin size bed that she has right now. Lexa faced away from Monty and they slept back to back. Lexa found that Monty used the bathroom quite frequently throughout the night and Lexa also noticed how comfortable Anya and Raven were opposed to them. This was just awkward, but they were both exhausted so they made it work.

"Raven is stubborn. I bet you already know that. We have to get her to see that she needs help. She won't get it on her own." Monty said quietly. Anya and Raven were knocked out.

"I know."

"Raven was telling me that her friend's mom is a doctor. A very good doctor and Raven trusts her. I might talk her into going to see her soon." Monty said again and Lexa nodded.

"That sounds like a good idea. Just let me know if you need any help convincing her. Something is wrong and we aren't doctors so we don't know what it is." Lexa said back quietly.

"She will go until she completely crashes. She's almost there and I'm so scared for her." Monty whispered sadly and Lexa found herself nodding too. She knew her and Raven have gotten off on the wrong foot, but Raven's leg had brought them closer together. Lexa couldn't deny that she cared for the girl anymore. She had to. She was her roommate and clearly saw that something wasn't right, so maybe she should go see her friend's mom's doctor.

"I'll have to get in touch with her friend. We were already planning on going down there soon. Maybe we have to make it way sooner." Monty told Lexa.

"Well, let me know if you guys need anything. I could even go down there with you. Raven is stubborn and she's going to need an extra push." Lexa said.

"You're right. I'll get in touch with her friend tomorrow." Monty said.

It was still an awkward night after their conversation, until Monty caved and spooned Lexa.

It was weird.

Lexa had never spooned with a guy before, but it was nice to have some human contact and Monty wrapped his arm around her waist. Lexa was sure they would never speak of this in the morning and if anyone asked if they spooned, Lexa would deny it to her dying days.

But, Lexa fell asleep with Monty pressed close up behind her and hoped that Monty was right about Raven's friend's mom.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raven is going to be a big part of this story and as you guys guessed, she is the main reason why Clarke and Lexa meet so soon. I know there hasn't been much Clexa interaction but when I tell you guys it's coming. I totally mean that and it will probably be worth the wait.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Lexa melted into the warmth behind her when she quickly remembered that she slept alone. She turned around and was face to face with a sleeping Monty and almost screamed. He had a death grip on her waist and Lexa quickly smacked his arm away. That woke him up instantly and when he realized what was happening, he quickly removed himself from Lexa.

"Sorry." He squeaked out and Lexa smirked.

"It's okay. You were holding me like I was going to float away." Lexa teased and Monty rolled his eyes. Lexa glanced over at Raven and Anya in bed and noticed that they were still asleep.

"Can we agree to never speak of this?" Lexa asked quietly and Monty quickly nodded his head.

"Yes. Although, you have a very small waist. It was kind of nice." Monty said sheepishly and Lexa smirked.

"Yeah, you weren't too bad." Lexa teased and Monty smiled sheepishly.

"Let me go get breakfast for you guys." Monty offered. Lexa was glad that she didn't wake up hard.

She normally did, but Raven was usually out by time she was up so she didn't have to have any awkward encounters. Lexa looked down at her private parts and noticed a slight bulge, but she could cover it up.

"Okay, yeah sure." Lexa said. Monty nodded and walked out the door. Lexa decided that she was going to study some before the other two woke up. She had an afternoon class later on and knew she was going to have a quiz.

Lexa thought the mixture of Raven's slight snores and Anya's heavy breathing were actually smoothing as she started studying. She was interrupted a few minutes later to her phone ringing. Lexa smiled down when she noticed that it was Clarke.

"Good morning." Lexa greeted softly into the phone.

"Morning sunshine." Clarke greeted back and Lexa smiled.

"What are you doing?" Lexa asked.

"Just woke up. You?"

"I'm studying quietly. My roommate and my friend are still sleeping." Lexa responded.

"Wild night?" Clarke asked with a smirk.

"Not really. My roommate is having some leg problems and she's not doing to well." Lexa said and Clarke hummed.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Is she okay?" Clarke asked.

"I don't know. It's getting bad and she won't get any help." Lexa told Clarke.

"Well, my mom is a doctor. If it really gets bad, I could ask my mom to talk to her about it." Clarke offered.

"Thank you. That is very kind of you." Lexa was interrupted by the sound of the door opening, which also woke Anya and Raven up.

"Hey, listen. I gotta go." Lexa said.

"Okay, well, call me later if you have time." Clarke told her.

"Yeah, of course. Bye."

"Bye."

"Hey, sorry. I didn't mean to wake you guys." Monty said as he placed the breakfast on the little table in the center of the room. Monty handed Lexa a coffee and Lexa went to add milk and sugar into it.

"It's okay. We probably should get up anyways." Raven said slowly. She was confused. She didn't really remember falling asleep and didn't remember Anya cuddling with her either, but that would explain why Raven had a dream about a big teddy bear hugging her. Raven wasn't saying Anya was big, but she was definitely taller. Anya quickly detached herself from Raven and got off the bed. She didn't say anything as she dug through the bags of food.

"What would you like?" Anya asked Raven and Raven shrugged.

"I'll eat anything really." Anya nodded, though she wasn't really paying attention and grabbed whatever, which happened to be a bacon and cheese bagel. She awkwardly handed it over to Raven.

They all are in silence and Lexa decided that she was going to go take a shower. She gathered all her stuff and headed to the bathroom. As soon as Lexa was gone, Monty spoke.

"We need to call Clarke." Monty stated over to Raven and Raven was already shaking her head.

"No." Raven said seriously.

"Weren't you the one that wanted to visit them so bad?" Monty asked.

"That was before my leg started getting worse." Raven answered.

"Exactly. Clarke's mom is a doctor. You said so yourself and Lexa even agreed, we need to go up there and see them." Monty said again and Raven shook her head.

"We could all go." Anya said quietly from her spot on Lexa's bed and Raven glared at her.

"I thought you were going to take my side." Raven said in disbelief.

Anya stared at the pretty girl before her, "Not if it means you are hurt." Anya said seriously and Raven looked down to her lap.

"What if I need surgery? I can't pay for that." Raven said.

"We can all chip in and we can ask your mom." Monty said and Raven shook her head once again.

"I don't want her to know," Raven looked at both of them."She will find out and she'll pull me out of college. I can't have that happen. If I need surgery now, I'll miss a week or two and then I'm going back." Raven said stubbornly and Monty sighed.

"You're telling your mom. This surgery could be life threatening, you'll be in the hospital for more than two weeks." Monty said in a firm tone answer and Raven didn't answer her.

"Would you really come down with us?" Raven directed that question to Anya and Anya looked over at her.

"Of course. I don't know the relationship between you and Lexa, but she cares for you and this is serious. We'll take that drive with you." Anya told her like it was no big deal. She had no idea why she agreed so easily to go with them. If it was anyone else, she probably would've said no. But, it wasn't anyone else.

It was Raven.

Raven who looked so small in the corner of the room. Raven who looked so vulnerable right now. Raven who was clearly in pain and didn't know what to do. She would do this with her and she barely knew her.

"Thank you." Raven said sincerely.

"So, can we call her?" Monty asked. Raven reluctantly nodded and dialed Clarke's number. Lexa came out of the room the second Clarke answered the phone. Raven had put it on speaker and her face paled when she heard the voice that floated through the phone.

_Was Clarke the friend?_

_Did Raven know Clarke this whole time?_

"Hey, Rae." Lexa heard the raspy voice greet happily and stood frozen in her spot.

There was no denying that. Lexa knew every premise of Clarke's voice and that was definitely Clarke.

"Hey, Clarke." Raven greeted and Lexa's eyes widened. How did she miss this? How did she not know that Raven was friends with Clarke? Raven briefly mention that she had friends in San Diego, but Lexa never made that connection. Lexa also never mentioned Clarke's name to anyone.

"Hey, Clarke. This is Monty and I was just wondering if your mother is available anytime this weekend? Raven has been having really bad knee pain and she needs help and we don't know how to help her." Monty said as he walked over to Raven and sat beside her.

"Oh, my god. Raven why didn't you tell me?" Clarke gasped and Lexa saw how emotional Raven was getting.

"I didn't know how. But, my roommate Lexa has been noticing it more and so has Monty and I just- I don't know." Raven ended lamely.

"Well, my mother always has an opening for you and- wait. Did you say your roommate Lexa?" Clarke asked curiously. Lexa was very aware of the eyes that were on her.

"Yeah. Her name is Lexa. I told you how I have that roommate I don't really get along with, well it's her." Raven said slowly.

"Is she around?" Clarke asked and Raven looked at Lexa confused.

"She's right here." Raven stared at Lexa who finally moved from her spot and awkwardly walked over to them. Her heart was beating with every step and couldn't believe that this was happening.

"Hi, Clarke." Lexa breathed out and she heard Clarke gasp.

"Okay, can someone please tell me what's going on?" Anya asked from her spot on the bed. Lexa was still dumbfounded by this whole situation that she opened and closed her mouth several times before regaining herself the best she could.

"Well, remember the girl I always talk about?" Lexa asked slowly and Clarke stayed quiet on the line. "It's Clarke."

"Bullshit." Raven deadpanned.

"There's no way." Anya said in disbelief.

"Ask her what her Tumblr is." Lexa stated as she walked over to her phone and unlocked it.

Anya rolled her eyes, "What is your Tumblr?" Anya asked.

"Clarkey241." Clarke answered and by time she did, Lexa had already pulled up Clarke's messages. Anya read off the username in disbelief and then she showed Raven, who gaped at her.

"The mysterious girl you keep talking about is my roommate?" Raven cried and Clarke sighed.

"I.. umm... I... yes?" Clarke said unsure and Raven groaned.

"You have got to be-" Raven cut herself off when she dropped the phone out of her hands. Anya immediately got up from where she was and so did Monty.

"Raven?" Anya called desperately.

"What's going on?" Clarke asked from the floor. Raven let out a groan.

"We have to leave today." Monty cried as he picked up the phone.

"Lexa? Raven? Anyone?" Clarke called frantically.

"Raven, just breathe." Anya instructed and Raven groaned again.

"Oh, my god! Fuck, it hurts!" Raven laid herself down and Anya hovered over her.

"It's happening again." Lexa cried.

"I... I really can't help you guys. My mom could but I'm nowhere near her. When are you guys planning on leaving?" Clarke asked.

"Now," Monty said frantically. "Now, we are leaving now to come to you. We have to pack obviously but if we leave now we could get there by two." It was a little before eleven o'clock and it was Friday. Lexa wasn't prepared to leave at all today, she had a class later on. Lexa wasn't really sure if she should go with them or not and she felt bad as she listened to Raven's cries.

"Lexa, could you pack her some clothes since you guys share the same closet?" Anya asked.

"Should I hang up? We need to leave soon." Monty said as he held the phone up.

Too many things were happening at once and Lexa listened as Clarke agreed before the line went dead. Lexa stared wide eyed at Raven until Anya yelled at her to move. Monty said he was going back to his dorm to pack his bag and Lexa got to work on packing Raven's bag plus her own. She would hold up items of clothing to Raven and waited until she nodded or shook her head.

Raven was still whimpering in pain and Lexa's mind was on Clarke. She didn't know how she didn't see it before, but focused on her task at hand with Clarke on her mind.

* * *

 

Lexa didn't like to believe in soulmates, but this was just crazy.

She packed Raven's bag as well as her own and they were waiting on Monty and Anya. It was tense silence in the dorm room and Raven's cries died down. Raven was sitting on her bed and looked exhausted. Lexa couldn't believe that she was talking to her roommate's best friend this whole time. Lexa knew Raven had friends down in San Diego because that was where she was from, but she never told her the names.

Lexa sat back in awe. This was some type of crazy miracle and Lexa wondered if she should actually go with them. She already packed her bags, but could easily stay here. She knew she would have a quiz waiting for her when she came back.

A part of her wanted to make up some crazy excuse and just stay here. Lexa knew what this would mean if she went down there. She woulf see the girl she was practically in love with and the more Lexa thought about it, the more panicked she got.

"Don't be a nerd." Raven said from her bed.

"What?" Lexa looked up confused.

"I can see the wheels turning from here." Raven sneered.

"Well, I'm sorry. I just found out the girl I'm talking to is best friends with my hell of a roommate and I've never met her before and there's a very high chance that I will." Lexa reasoned.

"She talks about you a lot. She's never told me your name. But, she gushed about this wonderful girl she met on Tumblr and she never shuts up about you. It drove me insane that I didn't know who you were. Now that I know, I think Clarke will like you." It was the most sincere thing Raven had ever said to her and Lexa looked up at her.

"She doesn't know." Lexa whispered out into the quiet of the room. Raven looked over at her in shock. They both knew what Lexa was talking about, Lexa didn't have to say it and she felt bad, because she'd been talking to this girl for quite some time now and she didn't know.

"Are you going to tell her?" Raven asked.

"Yes." Lexa said honestly.

"I won't say anything." Raven promised as Anya walked through the door.

"We are ready."

Lexa didn't have enough time to call Clarke and really wanted to talk to her about this because if Clarke didn't want her there, then she wouldn't go.

But, Lexa took a chance, a risk. She called Clarke as they walked out of the dorm room. Lexa made up some lame excuse saying she would go to Monty's dorm and walk with him. They were going to take his truck down to San Diego.

Clarke picked up on the first ring.

"Hello?" Clarke greeted.

"Hey. Hi. Hello," Lexa rushed out and Clarke giggled. "I'm so sorry about all of this." Lexa added.

"We didn't know. This is weird. It's like some type of miracle." Lexa's eyes widened when Clarke said that.

"That's what I was thinking." Lexa let out, then got serious as she walked across campus.

"I don't have to come."

"What? Why not? " Clarke asked and Lexa sighed.

"If you think it's going to be weird. I mean, I'm getting ready to meet a girl who I've only been texting or calling, it's just supernatural. I didn't even know you were friends with Raven."

"I didn't know she was the roommate."

"I don't have to come." Lexa repeated and this time, Clarke sighed.

"I want you too." Clarke admitted softly and Lexa's heart pounded in her chest. She could say it, she could. She could tell Clarke the secret she had been hiding for all this time. She opened and closed her mouth several times. If she didn't tell her now, when would she? Lexa let out a soft sigh. She was getting ready to tell Clarke the secret she had been hiding, when Monty ran up to her.

"I'm ready. I just need to get my truck." Monty informed the girl.

"Okay." Lexa nodded.

"Are you guys leaving?" Clarke asked.

"Yeah. Everyone is ready and well, this is your last chance to say no." Lexa joked, but a part of her was being serious.

"We don't have to make this awkward. With Raven being your roommate, we were bound to run into each other at some point. It would be cool to meet the girl I know so much about, but have never seen in person." Clarke said seriously and Lexa hummed because Clarke did have a point.

"Okay. I guess I'll see you in a bit?" Lexa asked awkwardly and Clarke giggled.

"Yeah. Keep me posted." Clarke said and Lexa agreed as she hung up the phone.

* * *

 

Raven leaned against Monty's truck. She was working up the courage and strength to pick her suitcase up and put it in the truck. She was getting ready to. She counted to ten in her head five times and was just about to lean off the truck, when Anya appeared.

"I can get that for you." She said softly. She was wearing a pair of dark skinny jeans and a plain white shirt, opposed to Lexa's sweats that she burrowed for the night. Raven couldn't help but notice how good Anya looked.  

She always did.

"I'm very capable of picking it up myself." Raven said back. She wasn't saying it to be mean. She was just making a point.

"I never said that you couldn't," Anya said and she looked over at Raven with soft eyes. "But, if I don't get your bag, that would ruin my reputation as a gentle women. So, let me take it." Anya concluded and Raven rolled her eyes.

"Fine." She huffed, but couldn't stop the smile that was gradually showing.

Anya was so cute.

"I can drive." Raven heard Lexa say. Monty and Lexa were approaching from the distance.

"I never said that you couldn't drive. But, I'm driving first." Monty said and Lexa huffed.

"You suck. I'm never letting you cuddle me again." Lexa whispered to Monty and his eyes widened.

"You said we would never speak of it." Monty whispered back harshly.

"Let me drive some then," Lexa said. "Or, I'll tell everyone."

"You're evil." Monty glared at her.

"So, I've been told." Lexa hummed back.

"Fine. I get an hour then you get an hour."

The real reason why Lexa wanted to drive was because she needed to keep herself busy. She couldn't believe that this was all happening so fast. She needed to keep her mind occupied and driving helped her. Lexa was talking herself out of this and knew she needed to get in the truck before she changed her mind. Lincoln was in her afternoon class and was so thankful because he was going to give her the notes when she came back. They all climbed in the truck and Monty sped off to the highway.

* * *

 

"Just lean against me." Anya said quietly to Raven.

There was music softly playing in the background, but mostly, it was just the roar of Monty's truck. Raven was dozing in and out of sleeping, but she hadn't cried out in pain for a while. Anya hoped they could get there before she did. There wasn't that much room in the back, especially with Anya's bags that couldn't fit in trunk. They had a blanket each and Anya saw that Raven wanted to go to sleep.

"Are you sure?" Raven asked.

"Yeah. You're clearly sleepy. Lay your head in my lap." Anya really didn't know why she kept putting herself in these situations. She also didn't understand why she loved it so much. Raven lowered herself down to her lap. Anya bunched up her blanket so Raven could use it as a pillow. Raven stretched out in the back seat and groaned in pleasure.

Lexa was driving now and was glad for it. They were almost there. Lexa was starting to become antsy. It wasn't everyday you accidentally meet up with a girl you've been talking to on the internet. Lexa knew she was in way too deep to back out. It wasn't like she would have anywhere to go. She would be one of those hitch-hikers she saw on the side of the road, begging to get back to campus.

It wasn't like she didn't want to see Clarke. She would be a fool to pass it up. Clarke was too beautiful for her to miss out on. Lexa knew she should've told Clarke what was really going on with her.

Lexa hoped that she would have some time over the weekend to come clean about it. She didn't want Clarke to hate her for it, but couldn't help but think that she might. Clarke might be mad that Lexa didn't tell her right away. Lexa was definitely mad that she didn't tell her right away.

Lexa could just turn the truck around right now, she was in charge of the wheel and seriously contemplated doing it. But, then she looked in the rear view mirror at Raven fast asleep on Anya's lap and knew she needed to keep driving. Lexa saw the sign that said San Diego was twenty miles away. She swore her heart was all the way in the bottom of the ocean, for every minute she counted down until she was about to see Clarke.

_Twenty_

_Nineteen_

_Eighteen_

Lexa could admit that she put effort behind her looks today. She wore make-up but not that much, she never really liked it. She was wearing dark jeans and a navy blue pocket t-shirt. Lexa drove those twenty miles wondering what the hell she got herself into.

_Seventeen_

_Sixteen_

_Fifteen_

Lexa listened to the roar of the engine. She watched as Monty looked outside his window and stared up at the sky. The sun was blaring down on them in the late September.

_Fourteen_

_Thirteen_

_Twelve_

_Eleven_

_Ten_

Lexa listened to Raven's snores and watched as Anya was starting to drift off too.

_Nine_

_Eight_

_Seven_

_Six_

_Five_

Lexa was starting to freak out. Actually no, she was fifteen miles past freaking out. She was surprised that she was keeping it together, because she felt like she was going to fall apart at any moment.

_Four_

_Three_

_Two_

_One_

She was here.

They were in San Diego and Lexa listened as Monty gave her the directions to the hospital that Clarke's mother worked at. She was out of time. It was happening and Lexa had never been more nervous in her life. She wanted to swim to the bottom of the ocean and get her heart, but didn't think that would help.

Lexa was getting ready to meet her crush over the internet and it wasn't everyday you do that.


	6. Chapter 6

Lexa didn't think that one could possibly shit themselves, but was seeing how it could happen. Babies poop on themselves all the time and Lexa seriously thought she had gone back to her infancy stage when she got out of the car. She stood on wobbly legs and her throat was dry. Really dry. Stuck in the desert for five days dry.

  
Anya woke Raven up and Lexa looked at the tall building in front of her. The name of the hospital was: _Arkadia General Hospital._ Lexa looked around at the bushes in front and the benches off to the side. She was wondering when she was going to see Clarke. She would be able to recognize her immediately with all the pictures she had sent her.

  
It was clear that they didn't know they were here because Lexa swore Clarke would have made some dorky sign for them. (Clarke did, Lexa found this out later).

  
They all walk up to the entrance of the hospital in silence. Raven was leaning against Anya while Monty and Lexa were walking in front of them.

  
"So, you've been talking to her friend for a while now right?" Monty asked quietly and Lexa nodded.

  
"I didn't know, but yeah." Lexa responded.

  
"So, are you guys like.. dating?" Monty asked and Lexa sighed and shook her head.

  
"No." Lexa said sadly. She couldn't help it. She had that bad feeling in her heart.

  
"But you want too?" Monty asked again.

  
"Yes." Lexa confessed. It was the first real time she'd admitted that she wanted to date Clarke. It was weird for her to say she wanted to date someone she hadn't even met yet, but she did. She could see herself dating this girl, if she didn't totally ruin it first. She was aware that she was a walking-talking dork with a penis, there was no other way to put it because it was true. She was always studying, always working on something and she did in fact, have a penis.

  
Lexa was wearing compression shorts today and normally didn't wear them and she understood why she never bothered. They were _so_ tight and  guessed that's the point of them, but god, she felt like they were trapping her in place. She didn't want any traces of her bulge showing because she knew it will. Sometimes she got a little too happy and her dick would decide it wanted to make its presence known. One time she was sitting in history and she was staring at the wall when she felt her penis start to get hard. She slid herself completely under her desk and made sure no one saw it. She usually didn't wear compression shorts around campus, she liked to be as comfortable as possible and it wasn't like she was trying to impress anyone. But, she wanted to impress Clarke.

  
The only sounds that Lexa heard were the birds chirping, cars passing by and the sound of feet against the pavement.

  
This was real.

  
It had to be real because Lexa was putting one foot in front of the other and she was walking. She walked until she was inside and felt like her heart was going to combust.

  
She stood in the back of the group and waited as Anya asked for Abby Griffin. Lexa knew wherever Abby was, Clarke was probably with her, unless she was in surgery. But, Abby wasn't in surgery because she knew they were coming and Lexa caught a glimpse of her.

  
She was walking down the hall and all she was missing was a dark background and a spotlight.

  
Lexa didn't believe in an afterlife. She liked to believe when you die, you die. But, there was no way the girl that was walking towards her was human, she had to be an angel. There was no way this girl was human because she was beyond beautiful. Next level beautiful. Out of this world beautiful and Lexa actually pinched herself because this was the girl she'd been talking to for so long.

  
Pictures didn't do her justice. Her pictures were beautiful in every way, Lexa just meant that in real life, she was drop dead gorgeous.

  
From what Lexa could make out, Clarke was wearing light blue jeans with a white blouse. Lexa had never laid her eyes on something so magnificent. Lexa was standing in the back, but could easily be seen. Lexa liked to blame her dad, Titus, for his tall genes.

  
"Raven!" She heard a raspy voice cry. It was her raspy voice.

  
"Clarke!" Raven cried back, but she didn't move from her spot where she was leaning on Anya. Which meant that Clarke walked all the way over to them and Lexa literally could feel herself sweating.

  
She was swallowing repeatedly, but that was doing her no good. She would've gotten water, but didn't know where to get it. Besides, she knew she would just choke on it because _damn,_ Lexa had been to the beach many, many times but she didn't think she had seen anything so blue. She'd looked up to the sky all her life, but he blue skies had nothing on Clarke's eyes. They were such a clear blue color, Lexa swore she was swimming into those ocean blue eyes.

 

(She hoped she could find her heart in them).

  
(She did).

  
Lexa remained in the back as she watched an older woman, who resembled Clarke, walk up to them.

  
"It's always a pleasure seeing you, Raven." The older girl said as she embraced Raven. It was one of those awkward hugs because Raven was still leaning against Anya.

  
"Jasper and Octavia are on their way now." Clarke informed Raven and then she looked up.

  
Clarke swallowed hard and felt like she got the wind knocked out of her. She was staring at the tall brunette in the back of the group. She had no doubt that it was Lexa. She felt her eyes widened and her jaw drop a bit because _damn,_ she'd seen the forest, the woods and nature in general, but she didn't think anything could compare to those forest-like eyes that were staring back at her. She knew people could get lost in the woods and felt like she was one of them. She was so far gone when she looked into those bright green eyes. Lexa was looking at her with a frightened expression and if Clarke wasn't so nervous herself she would've laughed. Lexa looked so small and cute, even though she was taller than Clarke.

  
Clarke wasn't sure how to approach her.

  
"Hi." Lexa was surprised that she was the one who said something first.

  
"Hey." Clarke greeted shyly and rocked on her heels. Lexa stared down at this insanely beautiful girl, star struck. She felt like she was meeting her favorite band, Pvris, right now and no offensive to Lynn Gunn (She had been Lexa's celebrity crush ever since she stumbled upon her music on Tumblr). But, Clarke may have just taken her number one spot. Lexa liked to believe in another life her and Lynn would be together. She hoped to god that in this life her and Clarke could be together.

  
"You two want some privacy in the on-call rooms?" Raven smirked as she looked at the two dorks who were clearly in love with each other.

  
"Shut up, Raven." Clarke muttered embarrassingly and Lexa smiled over at her.

  
"I hate to break up the staring contest but Raven, I already have your room set up. We are going to get some tests done and get an X-ray, alright?" Abby asked in an authoritative tone and Raven just nodded. She slowly leaned herself off of Anya and carried her weight on Abby instead.

  
The remaining four hovered awkwardly around each other. Raven was their only real connection besides Lexa and Anya being best friends.

  
Anya and Monty immediately caught on to the fact that they should leave the two lovebirds alone and Lexa felt herself starting to sweat again. She needed to sit down. She walked over to the waiting area and was glad there was no one there. Clarke sat next to her and Anya and Monty went down to the cafeteria.

  
Lexa opened her mouth a few times. What should she say? Should she start with the secret? Should she compliment how beautiful Clarke looked? Should she just try to act natural and engage in a civil conversation? Lexa wasn't quite sure what to do. What do you say to a girl you've only texted or talked on the phone with?

  
Lexa didn't think this was a bad idea, she just didn't know what to say to the girl and started to feel the sweat because they were completely alone.

  
"Wow, you're sweating. Do you need some water?" Clarke offered and Lexa nodded quickly. Clarke walked away and out of sight and for some reason, Lexa could breathe a bit easier now. It wasn't like she didn't want this, but she'd been out of the game for too long. She had no idea what she was doing. Do they even talk? Do they talk about what they are? Were they even something?

  
"Here." Clarke appeared before her before Lexa even knew it, but graciously accepted the water.

  
"Thank you." Lexa said a little hoarsely and felt five times better with every gulp she took.

  
"You're so pretty," Lexa heard Clarke say. "Like those pictures didn't do you justice." Clarke breathed.

  
"Same goes for you." Lexa whispered and _man,_ she didn't mean to do it, but her eyes flickered down to Clarke's lips. Could she kiss the girl she just met? Would it be too soon? Lexa felt like she knew everything about this girl. 

  
Lexa decided that maybe they shouldn't talk because that wasn't go to well. Maybe Lexa should lean in and kiss her and she was just getting ready to. (Clarke knew what was about to happen and didn't pull away). Lexa was about to touch her lips to the girl she'd been crushing on over the internet, when they were interrupted by a loud squeal.

  
"Raven!" Clarke heard Octavia cry. She guessed she was so caught up in Lexa that she didn't see Raven and Abby come out. Clarke got up and so did Lexa.

  
"Octavia! Jasper!" Raven shouted, but didn't move from her spot where she was resting against Abby. Clarke looked over at her mother and noticed the doleful expression she wore, but she hid it from Raven.

  
"How are you?" Octavia asked as she pulled Raven in for a hug.

  
"I'm okay and you guys?" Raven asked with a genuine expression on her face.

  
"Good." Jasper answered for them as he pulled Raven in for a hug.

  
"I missed you." Jasper said at the same time Anya and Monty appeared.

  
They all stood around and Clarke is pretty sure she was the only one who picked up on her mothers expression.

  
"I hate to break up the reunion but let's go talk in your room." Abby said with a stoic expression and Raven nodded. They all followed Abby and Raven into Raven's room. Clarke and Lexa stood side by side. Lexa flashed Clarke a smile. She thought it was a creepy smile, but didn't know what else to do. Clarke smiled right back at her and unlike Lexa's creepy smile, hers was completely beautiful.

  
They all entered the room. It was bright and smelled overly clean. Raven immediately hobbled over to the bed and sat down.

  
"Alright, just tell me whatever it is you are hiding." Raven said as she looked straight at Abby. Abby let out a deep sigh.

  
"You need surgery again." Abby muttered and Raven immediately started crying.

  
"Why?" Raven asked. "What's wrong?"

  
"You need surgery. Not on your leg. There's a nerve pinching your spine and that's the reason why your leg is hurting so much. Why you can't walk on it for so long and why there's pain."

  
"I'm so sorry, Raven." Monty said as he went over and sat on the bed with her.

  
"It's okay. I knew this was going to happen." Raven said in a monotone.

  
Jasper was getting ready to say something when the door opened and two men walked in.

  
"Raven!" Bellamy cried as he rushed over to her. Raven looked at them in confusion and Clarke felt her whole body tense up.

  
She didn't want to deal with them, let alone in the company of the girl she met online and developed a crush for.

  
"What the hell is he doing here?" Clarke spat as she looked over at the tall, dark man.

  
"Abby told us what was going on. We wanted to come down and see you." Bellamy said as he made heart eyes at Raven. Clarke honestly felt her insides swimming. She couldn't be in the same room with this man. She was fighting like hell to forget what happened.

  
"This surgery needs to happen right away. We will get a room prepared and then you need to go in." Abby informed Raven as she looked over at Thelonious. She was happy to see the man, but she knew the emotional toll he had on her daughter.

  
"This is all my fault!" Clarke yelled. She had come along way since that night and Raven told her repeatedly that she didn't hold it against her. Raven loved her so much that she would forget what happened. But, how could Clarke forget when she did this to her best friend?

  
"Clarke.." Raven started.

  
"No, it is! And you just had to bring him here!" Clarke wanted to walk out, but she didn't want to leave Raven when she was literally getting ready to go into surgery.

  
"Clarke, honey. You know I don't blame you." Raven reasoned softly.

  
"Well, you should!" Clarke cried and it was too much for her.

  
"I love you." Clarke said to Raven as she walked out and down the hall.

  
Lexa stood in her spot with wide eyes. She felt totally out of place. Clarke was upset and she didn't know why. Octavia was getting ready to go after her, but Lexa decided that maybe she should try to talk to her. Octavia had no problems with her going. She passed the tall, dark man and went to find Clarke.

  
Lexa found her almost immediately. She watched so much Netflix that the first place she looked was the stairs. People always cry on the stairs.

  
Clarke was crying, she was letting out heart-wrenching sobs. Lexa didn't care how awkward she was. She was going to see what was wrong with her.

  
"Clarke?" 

  
Clarke wasn't expecting Lexa to come after her, so when she heard her voice, she quickly wiped her tears away. Or, at least she tried to.

  
"Hey, what happened back there?" Lexa asked as she sat down right next to Clarke. Their sides were touching. Lexa would've enjoyed the warmth and the amazing smells coming off of this girl, but it was clear Clarke was hurt.

  
"The accident.. It was my fault." Clarke whispered out and Lexa looked at her confused.

  
"Did Raven not tell you?" Clarke asked slowly upon Lexa's confused expression.

  
"I.. I mean.. Me and Raven were never really close. We only really got close because I was her roommate and she was in pain." Lexa explained and Clarke nodded.

  
They sat there for a while. The light was shining into the darkness of the stairwell. Lexa knew that they should get back to see Raven off before her surgery, but Lexa wasn't going to leave Clarke alone.

  
"You don't have to tell me right now." Lexa said quietly and Clarke nodded. Lexa noticed the relief on her face.

  
"Not yet." Clarke rasped and Lexa nodded.

  
She wrapped her arm around Clarke and leaned in to kiss her temple. Lexa almost gasped at how soft Clarke's skin was. She couldn't quite believe she was holding this beautiful girl, let alone kissing her on her temple. Clarke was so beautiful in every single way and Lexa could admit that she was a little bit curious to all the drama that was going on right now.

  
She wanted to know why Clarke was so upset, but Clarke told her not yet, which made Lexa believe that they would keep this up. Whatever it was they were doing. Lexa definitely hoped she could visit Clarke in the future. Besides the awkward encounters, she had been loving every moment she spent in the girl's company. 

  
They stayed like that for a few minutes, just holding each other, before they had to get up and see Raven off to her surgery.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is going to be more plot-orientated. That's the only word I could use to describe this. The smut is definitely coming and there will be a lot of it, but it's still going to be more plot-heavy as you can already tell and we all know Lexa is an awkward little bean so I'm absolutely loving writing the sex scenes. Next chapter is mostly all Clexa so that's something to look forward too haha. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Lexa was the first one to enter Raven's room again. She sighed in relief when she saw that those two guys weren't here anymore. Actually, no one was really here. It was just Jasper and Raven. She wondered where everyone else went because she didn't see them when they both came up.

Oh, yeah; Lexa decided to try her luck and held Clarke's hand as they walked back to Raven's room. Lexa was sure her palms were sweating, but it was clear that Clarke didn't mind.

"Hey, guys," Jasper greeted. "I don't think we properly met, I'm Jasper." Lexa looked over to the tall lanky man who's hair was shaved. He was smiling kindly at her and Lexa smiled back.

"Hello. I'm Lexa." Lexa greeted and Jasper smiled wider.

"I know." He said creepily and Lexa just nodded.

"I don't mean to be rude, but could you guys give me and Lexa a minute and then I want to talk to Clarke." Raven said from her spot on the bed. Abby was preparing an OR room and Raven had a few amends she wanted to make.

"Yeah, sure." Clarke said as she squeezed Lexa's hand. Lexa looked like a frightened animal, but Raven smiled politely at her. Lexa didn't like it at all. Clarke and Jasper left and Lexa was contemplating going with them, she had no idea what Raven was about to say to her.

"I'm sorry." Raven muttered as Lexa took careful steps towards her. Lexa's eyebrows raised as she looked over to Raven.

"Are you being nice just because you are about to go into surgery?" Lexa asked and Raven shook her head.

"No." Raven answered and Lexa looked at her doubtfully.

"Yes," Raven answered honestly this time. "Okay, I'm sorry for everything. I realized the nightmare I was. But, this semester just started and we have many more days together and I want to make them up to you. I'm sorry for all the side comments and it's very clear that you are like in love with Clarke and she's my best friend and I care about her. I want us to try to get along." Raven said as she tried to get comfortable on the bed and she grimaced every time she moved.

"Why were you like that?" Lexa asked. "You like... purposely went out of your way to make a mess. Something tells me you aren't that messy." Lexa said and watched as Raven's demeanor changed and Lexa feared she said too much.

"I could tell you but that's top classified information." Raven said awkwardly and Lexa glared at her.

"Okay, fine. I'll tell you but you have to promise that you won't tell Clarke." Raven begged and Lexa looked at her confused.

"Um, okay?" Lexa agreed and she watched as Raven looked anywhere but her.

"I thought that... well... you just seem to have everything going for you and now you have this insanely beautiful girl who you are interested in. I may have.. I mean.. I'm not even gay.. but I had like the tiniest crush on you." Raven rushed out the last bit and Lexa looked at her bug-eyed.

_Did Raven just admit that she had a crush on me?_

_Haha, there's no way_

"So, then why did you always make fun of me?" Lexa asked.

"I mean, well, first. You are too much of a neat freak and well. You are this insanely hot girl with tattoos and you were packing. You were easily bigger than anyone I've ever been with." Raven said awkwardly and Lexa continued to stare at her with wide eyes.

"So, you like me? I thought you were straight?" Lexa asked confused.

"I am! And that's not what I'm saying. That's why I don't want you to mention it to Clarke because she might think I do, but I mean, it was just a little crush." Raven continued to explain awkwardly.

"Oh, okay." Lexa said. She really didn't know what to say right now.

"Can we just agree to never talk about this?" Raven asked desperately and Lexa was already nodding.

"Already forgotten but most definitely going to be used for blackmail." Lexa smiled wickedly at her.

"You're going to be okay," Lexa said more seriously. "You'll get this operation done. You'll come back to the dorm. We can get through this." Lexa said. She wasn't going to hold anything against Raven, she couldn't. Not when Raven looked so small right now.

"Thank you. I promise I'll try. We can't really avoid each other if you are going to date Clarke." Lexa almost choked on her spit.

"I'm not dating her." Lexa said in a rush.

"But you will be." Raven reasoned and Lexa blushed.

"I hate to kick you out. But I need to talk to Clarke." Raven said and Lexa nodded.

"May we meet again." Lexa held out her arm for Raven to grasp. Raven rolled her eyes because Lexa was so dramatic sometimes. But, a part of her held onto those words because she hoped to god she would make it through her surgery.

"You're such a dork." Raven smirked and Lexa shrugged.

"A dork you clearly had a crush on." Lexa smiled widely at her and Raven gasped.

"Oh, I see how it is!" Raven giggled and Lexa looked over at her.

"I will be seeing you again." Lexa said with determination and Raven nodded getting a little bit emotional.

"I hope so." Raven whispered.

"I know so." Lexa whispered back and then she left.

She greeted Clarke briefly and told Raven that she wanted to see her and Clarke nodded. Lexa shamelessly stared at her as she walked away until she caught Jasper's smirk and turned away.

* * *

 

"I'm sorry," Clarke said upon walking in. "I saw both of them and my mind just blanked and I didn't want to do it in front of Lexa, but I did."

"Hey, it's okay. I'm just making sure you are alright?" Raven asked softly.

"I'm fine. I just wish they didn't show up like that." Clarke muttered and Raven nodded in understanding.

"Clarke.." Raven went back to her tone from earlier. Pity.

"I just hope you make it out okay because if you don't.." Clarke trailed off. She didn't even want to finish that sentence.

"I trust your mom. I'll be fine." Raven said reassuringly.

"I've just... I've been fighting like hell to forget about it but I can't." Clarke said sadly as she finally walked over to Raven.

"I should've paid more attention," Clarke said emotionally and Raven felt her eyes sting. "At least I got you out." Clarke sobbed and she went over to hug Raven.

"Shh.. it's okay, Clarke," Raven tried to comfort her best friend. "They are still here. I can't get them to leave. Bellamy won't leave." Raven informed her and Clarke just nodded.

"While you are in surgery, I think I'm going to take the rest of you guys back to my house so they can get settled in." Clarke said and Raven wiggled her eyes.

"Oh, yeah? So you can get settled in with Lexa?" Clarke's cheeks immediately flushed red, but it wasn't like she wasn't thinking about it.

"Maybe." Clarke hummed and Raven grinned.

"She's a good kid. Try not to corrupt her." Raven joked, but some part of her was being serious. She really was going to make more of an effort to be civil toward Lexa. Raven would never admit it but she kind of liked hanging out with the girl. Raven would literally die before she ever told anyone that.

"I'll try not to," Clarke said. "But I can't make any promises." Clarke smirked and Raven winked at her.

They were interrupted by the door opening and Abby sticking her head in, "Sorry, but it's time Raven."

Bellamy hovered over her awkwardly as did Anya. Anya kept giving her that look and Raven would just nod. Bellamy was just being creepy and wouldn't leave her alone. Raven understood it, well, not really, but allowed it to happen because she was tired and just hoped Abby could fix her.

"We will be right here." Octavia promised and Raven nodded. She remembered Clarke saying she would leave for a little bit, but she understood. They needed to get settled in for the night.

"Bye." Clarke waved as Abby wheeled her off and didn't make eye contact with Bellamy at all. They all watched as Raven was rolled into the elevator and disappear right before their eyes. Everyone dispersed after that. Bellamy left to go downstairs and Clarke was glad for that. She could breathe easier without him around.

"We should probably try to go check into a hotel." Lexa said to Clarke and Clarke looked over at her with crazy eyes.

"Why would you do that?" Clarke asked.

"Because we need somewhere to sleep?" Lexa said slowly and Clarke chuckled.

"That's crazy talk. Stay with me and my mom. I live on campus but I'm home for the weekend since I knew Raven was coming. Stay with us." Clarke reasoned and Lexa thought it over.

Things were moving pretty fast and she was loving it, but she was so awkward. She didn't know how to respond to that. She was honestly just thinking that they would crash in a hotel for the time that they were here.

"That's awfully kind of you." Anya said, sensing her best friend wasn't going to respond.

"Yeah, that's pretty cool of you." Monty added.

"It will mostly be us. My mom practically lives here, but she does make time to see me so you guys can stay with us. We have plenty of rooms." Clarke informed them and they all nodded, including Lexa. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

"We can just drop the luggage off and then come back." Clarke said.

"Hey, why don't you guys just stay here since we are just dropping the luggage off. That way if anything happens you can call." Lexa suggested and Anya smirked and Monty winked at Lexa.

"Sure thing, Lex." Anya said smugly. Lexa didn't know what came over her, but she wanted to do this with Clarke, without her two companions. She wanted to spend some time with Clarke and hoped Clarke felt the same.

(She did).

"Yeah! That sounds great." Clarke said happily and Lexa smiled on the inside. At least, she thought it was on the inside. It was clearly on the outside because her cheeks were burning with effort of showing everyone her pearly whites. She knew she probably shouldn't be smiling right now, her roommate just went into surgery, but couldn't help it around Clarke. Lexa was happy that Clarke agreed to what she said and Lexa knew what she just implied.

"Great, we should head out before Raven gets out of surgery." Lexa said and Clarke nodded. They said their farewells to everyone, Clarke effectively avoided Bellamy on the way out and they walked over to Monty's truck.

While Clarke was saying bye to Octavia, Monty handed her over the keys and told them not to make any babies in his backseat. Lexa immediately shushed him and made she Clarke wasn't listening. (She was, but she pretended like she wasn't).

Lexa was seeing how this wasn't the best idea. She wanted to spend time with Clarke, but didn't know what to say. She knew they needed to drop their luggage off though.

"Could we get something to eat after we go to your house?" Lexa asked as they walked over to Monty's truck and Clarke nodded.

"Of course. I'm pretty hungry." Clarke said softly and Lexa nodded.

They both entered Monty's truck. Lexa opened Clarke's door for her, to which Clarke shyly said thank you. Lexa rounded the truck and wondered how she was going to keep herself together in the company of such a pretty girl.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexa has a back tattoo in this story and it's of a Bald eagle, it takes up most of her upper back and she has arm tattoos too. She doesn't have any of the tattoos on the show except for the broken infinity symbol.  
> Lol, I hope you enjoy!

Lexa couldn't stop herself from looking Clarke's way. It was easy to do because she was so pretty and also, because they were sitting in traffic. It was moving relatively slow and that meant sitting in the truck with Clarke, waiting to move.

"This traffic is so bad." Clarke commented and Lexa nodded. She wasn't sweating like she thought she would be, but she was still nervous. She just hoped she could get to Clarke's house in one piece.

When Lexa rounded the truck at the hospital and got in the car, she realized it would be stupid for her to drive and not Clarke, since they are going to her house. But, Clarke oddly declined and said she would direct her where to go. Clarke had the same look she had when those two guys walked into Raven's room and Lexa decided not to question it.

"Your tattoos... they're amazing." Clarke breathed as she turned her head and looked at Lexa's arm. Her tattoos were on full display right now because of the short-sleeved shirt she was wearing. This was the first time Clarke could admire them because they were alone.

"Is that an airplane I see?" Clarke squinted. The tattoo was huge though but it was also sideways.

"Yes and further down is a rose." Lexa explained as they finally started moving and Clarke directed her where to go.

"It's nice." Clarke commented. She reached out and softly touched the rose that was on Lexa's forearm. Lexa felt her hairs rising on her arm and, well everywhere really. Clarke was softly stroking her forearm that she had rested against the center console. Clarke had free rein to do as she pleased with Lexa's arm. Lexa didn't think she would stop her.

"Take this right up here." Clarke said softly as she continued to draw on Lexa's forearm. Lexa smirked.

"A snake." Lexa guessed as she took the right and drove down the road.

"Yes." Clarke rasped and drew something else.

"A bird." Lexa guessed against and Clarke nodded.

"You know, I have a tattoo of a bald eagle on my back." Lexa informed the blonde hair girl. Clarke pulled away from her arm and looked at her.

"You do?" Clarke asked with curious eyes.

"Yes. It takes up most of my back." Lexa answered and Clarke hummed.

"Maybe, one day you could see it." Lexa said and Clarke sucked in a breath.

"I hope so." Clarke said lowly.

Clarke told her to take another left and they entered a neighborhood of absolutely beautiful homes.

Those homes where the grass was nicely cut all the time. Those homes where they keep up their gardens. Lexa's house had a garden, but they didn't garden anymore, not like they use to. The kind of homes where they have four or five different cars parked outside just because they could. The types of homes that looked like the were stuccoed just right. These houses were huge, next to a mansion huge and Lexa frowned because this was where Clarke lived.

It was nothing compared to the townhouse she grew up in. It was nothing compared to the dead leaves and plants outside in their garden.

This house was easily four times bigger than the house she grew up in and her eyes widened a little bit. Clarke's house was at the end of the road. It sat beautifully on the corner. Lexa's eyes widened again when she parked the truck and got out. It even smelled like nicely fresh cut grass out here. Lexa went into the backseat and got Anya's luggage out. Clarke went into the bed of the truck and got the rest of them.

"Thanks." Lexa muttered as she looked over to Clarke. She was still a bit overwhelmed that Clarke lived in such a huge house.

"It's no problem." Clarke said as she unlocked her door and they stepped inside.

Lexa smelt vanilla, lavender and cleaning products all in one. The floors were hardwood and nicely shining. The walls were coated in various amounts of pictures. Off to the side was a huge staircase that lead upstairs. There were two white pillars that lead into what Lexa guessed was the dining room.

"It's a bit much isn't it?" Clarke asked as she watched Lexa take it all in.

"I just didn't know you lived in such a big house." Lexa said and she was starting to feel out of place.

"There's two rooms down in the basement and then there's two rooms upstairs. I figured you would take the one upstairs and Anya and Monty can sleep downstairs." Clarke suggested and Lexa shrugged.

"Yeah, sure that sounds good." Lexa got a bit nervous knowing she could possibly be spending a few nights in the room next to Clarke. Clarke could've easily suggested that Lexa sleep downstairs, but didn't. Lexa smiled over at her.

"Come on, we can leave their luggage by the door but I can show you where you'll be staying." Lexa nodded again and stared at Clarke's backside the whole way upstairs. She really needs to get it together.

A part of Lexa really wanted to change out of her compression shorts. She was seriously going insane with them on. She hardly ever wore them because they were so uncomfortable. Lexa walked down the wide, spacious hall that had a white and brown checkered carpet down the middle of it. There were tons of rooms up here and Lexa followed Clarke down to the end of the hall.

"This is my room," Clarke pointed to the last room at the end of the hall. "This is one of the guest rooms." Clark pointed across the hall to the guest bedroom and Lexa nodded. Clarke opened the door for her and it was a pretty generic room since it was meant for guests. The walls were painted a lavender color and the bedding matched the walls. There were a few dressers around the room and the one right across from the bed had a flat screen TV on it.

"This is nice. Better than the hotel we were going to check into." Lexa joked as she put her bags down and Clarke smirked.

"See. I told you," Clarke hummed. "Do you want to eat here or go out somewhere?" Clarke asked and Lexa shrugged.

"Whatever you want to do."

"I do make a mean grilled cheese and tomato soup." Clarke smiled at her and Lexa nodded.

"I'm in."

As they walked into the kitchen, Clarke pulled out the various items she needed to make their lunch. Lexa was excited because she was getting ready to eat. Lexa thought about how she should run upstairs real quick and change into some boxer briefs. Lexa stood close to Clarke and watched her work.

"You are so beautiful." Lexa blurted out and Clarke gave her a small smile.

"So are you," Clarke whispered out as she looked up at her. "And you are taller than me and you have tattoos. You are the whole package." Clarke joked and Lexa laughed awkwardly.

Lexa looked down at her and noticed her little mole that she saw in her pictures, it was so cute. Lexa seriously wanted to lean down and kiss her.

Would it be so bad? Lexa knew the kiss itself wouldn't be bad, but was the timing bad? Was it too soon? Lexa honestly didn't know. So, she stayed where she was and she didn't miss the disappointed look on Clarke's face.

Lexa rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly, "I'm going to go use the bathroom." Lexa stated and Clarke just nodded. Lexa sighed and went upstairs. She quickly dug around in her suitcase and found a pair of boxers. She closed her door and locked it, changing as quickly as she could before Clarke went looking for her.

Lexa let out a deep sigh as she freed herself from the tight confinements of her compression shorts and changed into her blue boxer briefs. She was sure to pull her pants up all the way so no sign of her boxers would show. Lexa sighed again as she went back downstairs to eat lunch with Clarke.

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Lexa asked. They were sitting in the booth that was connected to the wall. Clarke had a freaking booth in her house. There was a proper dinner table off to the side and an even bigger dinner table in their dining room.

"Nope. It's just me," Clarke said as she took a bit of her sandwich."How about you?"

"I have a little brother. He's five. His name is Aden." Lexa said and Clarke nodded.

"That's so cute," Clarke gushed. "Are you guys close?"

"Very close. But since I'm away at school I don't see him as often. But, I was born and raised in Los Angeles." Lexa explained and Clarke nodded.

"Where's your dad?" Lexa asked. She had seen many pictures of him on the walls, but hadn't met him yet. Lexa watched as Clarke's eyes turned sad.

"He passed." Clarke whispered and Lexa felt bad. She had no idea. They never really talked about their parents when they texted each other. They would talk about heavy stuff, but they liked to keep it light.

"I'm so sorry." Lexa rushed out and Clarke shook her head.

"It's okay. I was young when it happened." Clarke informed her and Lexa nodded.

"My mom died." Lexa said a few minutes later. They were sitting in silence, finishing up their meals and Clarke looked up at her.

"She died while giving birth. I don't know what the term for it was though. But, it happened to her. That's why there's such an age gap between me and my brother. He wasn't to be expected." Lexa explained.

"That sucks. I'm sorry." Clarke said genuinely.

"That's why I got that tattoo on my back. My mom's favorite bird was a bald eagle and I wanted that tattooed on me. It reminds me of her. She was strong and ferocious." Lexa smiled sadly and so did Clarke.

"Anyways, how are you liking San Diego?" Clarke asked to lighten the mood.

* * *

 

When they finished their lunch, they put their plates and bowls in the sink before Lexa turned on Clarke. She hadn't meant to, but it was driving her absolutely insane. Lexa thought this was the only real moment they would have alone with each other.

"This may sound forward. I really don't do this so I don't know at what pace to go, but, can I kiss you?" Lexa asked nervously and swore she saw Clarke's eyes darken immediately. Lexa just hoped she'd say yes.

(She did).

Clarke nodded her head and Lexa took that as her cue, backing Clarke up against her island counter and leaning down to softly connected her lips with Clarke's and _wow._ She really should've done this sooner. She didn't know how this weekend was going to turn out, but didn't want to leave here without knowing what Clarke tasted like and she tasted _heavenly._ Lexa was sure not to press all the way into her because she knew if she did, Clarke would be able to feel her member. Lexa could already feel herself getting happy and all Clarke was doing was kissing her back.

Clarke's lips were soft like clouds, no wait, like pillows... no, soft like a feather.

Lexa didn't know how to describe the softness of Clarke's lips and felt honored that she got to do this. Lexa wanted to lean against Clarke so bad, but restrained herself. Clarke deepened the kiss and she tasted so good, Lexa wanted more.

Lexa opened her mouth underneath Clarke's and slid her tongue inside. She moaned when Clarke's tongue met hers. It was so hot and wet that Lexa could feel herself starting to get hard. Lexa immediately pulled away because she knew she wouldn't be able to explain the hard thing pressed against Clarke's stomach.

"Why did you stop?" Clarke breathed out and Lexa put some distance between them. She knew she should probably explain herself and knew this was the moment she would ruin this.

"I have to tell you something." Lexa whispered and was very aware that her eyes were glazed over with lust. She completely lost herself in that kiss.

"What?" Clarke asked confused and Lexa wanted to tell her now. There was no one there with them and Lexa felt like she could.

"I'm... well.. I.. can we maybe sit down?" Lexa asked and Clarke immediately nodded. They went to sit back down in the booth and Lexa faced Clarke. Clarke's lips were slightly bruised and Lexa wanted to lean back in and capture them.

"I'm a girl. But, like... do you know what intersex is?" Lexa asked and she knew she already gave herself away.

"Like when someone has both female and male characteristics?" Clarke asked confused and Lexa nodded slowly.

Lexa waited.

She waited until Clarke finally connected the dots and waited as Clarke looked up at her with wide eyes.

"You're intersex?" Clarke asked slowly and Lexa took a deep breath and nodded.

"Yes. I'm a girl and I have boobs but.. I have a penis," Lexa said and Clarke's eyes widened again. "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. I didn't know how and I totally understand if you don't want to see me anymore. I can leave." Lexa said as she got up. Clarke stopped her.

"No! Wait!" Clarke shouted and Lexa sat back slowly. "I'm just... I'm just shocked is all. I'm not mad. That's pretty serious and is that why you didn't want to meet?" Clarke asked and Lexa nodded.

"I thought you would think I was a freak and Raven knows, obviously because she's my roommate but she promised not to tell you." Lexa explained as Clarke still processed this information.

"You have a penis?" Clarke asked again, just to make sure and Lexa nodded.

"I'm okay with it really. I never dated an intersex person before." Lexa was very aware that Clarke used the word dated and her heart sped up.

"You don't think it's gross?" Lexa asked as she cringed and Clarke shook her head.

"Why would I? How big are you?" This time, Lexa's eyes widened. She wasn't ashamed, but it was always scary telling the girl you liked how big you are.

"Eight inches." Lexa supplied nervously and Clarke gasped.

"Really?" Clarke asked in disbelief and Lexa nodded.

"Can I see it?" Clarke asked. Lexa literally could feel her heart increase.

"Are you sure? I'm not really hard. I mean, I was getting hard while we were kissing though." Lexa saw Clarke's gaze darken slightly, like a bird zeroing in on its prey making Lexa gulp.

"I wanna see it." Clarke rasped and Lexa nodded.

"Can we go to your room? I don't feel right doing this here." Lexa said and Clarke shot up out of her seat and dragged Lexa upstairs.

Lexa let out a nervous giggle as they entered Clarke's room. It was painted blue and she had many pictures covering her walls, as well as a Beatles poster and trophies littered her dresser in the far corner. Lexa felt nervous as she walked into Clarke's room. She had a small dark blue rug in the center of her room and her bedding was a mix of white and blue. Clarke led Lexa over to the bed and she sat down.

"So, do you just want me to whip it out or what?" Lexa asked as she carefully sat on the bed, Clarke was right next to her.

"Yeah, you can." Clarke agreed. Lexa desperately swallowed as she stood up and pulled her pants down.

"I was wearing compression shorts earlier. When I went to go use the bathroom, I changed into boxer briefs." Lexa was very aware that she was rambling as she pulled her boxers down. She was very aware that she was getting half naked with a girl she met online, but found herself loving every second of it.

"Do you want to see it when it's hard or soft?" Lexa asked before she turned around and revealed her dick to Clarke.

"I can see it soft. Then hard." Clarke suggested and Lexa nodded. Lexa turned around and watched as Clarke's eyes zeroed in on her dick. It was shaved, she really didn't like pubic hair down there and it was flaccid. It wasn't very big when it was flaccid so she couldn't wait to get hard.

"Sit down." Clarke demanded and Lexa obeyed. She sat down where she was before and her dick bounced with her movements. Lexa was already starting to feel herself getting turned on again, but knew she needed to touch her dick for it to get hard.

Lexa wordlessly spit into her hand and grabbed the base of her dick. She didn't look at Clarke while she did it. She gave it a few strokes until she felt herself start to hardened and then she looked over at Clarke. Clarke's eyes were so dark, Lexa thought she was looking at the ocean at night with the moon overhead because Clarke's eyes were sparkling too.

"It's beautiful." Lexa felt her whole body heat up at that. She didn't think any girl had ever called her dick beautiful before, not that she'd been with many girls.

"Thank you." Lexa rasped.

"Can I touch it?" Clarke asked and Lexa groaned at the question.

"I umm.. only if you want too." Lexa said and Clarke nodded. Lexa barely got a grasp on reality before Clarke wrapped her left hand around the base of her dick and tugged. Lexa immediately moaned and Clarke scooted closer to her. Lexa was resting her arms out behind her and watched with lustful eyes as Clarke slowly stroked her dick up and down. Lexa couldn't believe this was happening. Clarke literally wasn't real. First, she was okay with her having a dick and now she was giving her a hand-job. It was all too much for Lexa.

"I don't.. I mean it's been a while so sorry if I... cum." Lexa said awkwardly, clenching her jaw shut. Clarke was stroking her from the base to her tip and Lexa threw her head back. She let out a whine when she started to feel Clarke pick up the pace and Lexa was so caught up in Clarke's movements, she barely registered her question.

"Can I suck it?" Lexa looked down at Clarke, who was looking up at her with innocent eyes, but nothing was innocent about this situation. Every time Lexa opened her mouth to say something, a moan would come out instead. So, she settled with nodding her head.

"Yes." Lexa finally hissed out and watched as Clarke got on her knees and hovered over her dick. Clarke supported herself by resting her arm across Lexa's hips. Lexa moaned when Clarke's skin met hers. There was no way she was going to last long with a hand-job, let alone a blow-job. There was no way and Lexa knew this the second Clarke flicked her tongue out and traced the underside of her dick. Clarke trailed her tongue all the way to Lexa's swollen head before wrapping her lips around it. Lexa let out a loud groan. 

_"Fuck."_

Clarke immediately got comfortable and started bobbing her head up and down making Lexa's eyes rolled into the back of her head.

"God, you're so big." Clarke moaned out as she released her dick and started jerking her off again. Lexa had her eyes squeezed shut, she knew she couldn't look down because if she did, she knew she would cum. Lexa thought she would cum regardless. Clarke was so hot and beautiful and was sucking her dick like her life depended on it. Clarke took her dick into her mouth again and Lexa moaned every time Clarke moved.

Clarke would twist her head in every direction while she sucked her dick. Lexa reached down and grabbed a hold of Clarke's hips. She needed something to hold onto. Lexa listened to the slick noises that Clarke's mouth was making as she bobbed her head up and down on her dick and Lexa swore that nothing could get better than this.

Lexa held on tight to Clarke's hips as Clarke sucked her off with absolute abandon, like this was the reason that Clarke was put on this earth. A part of Lexa hoped that was true because she was so far gone when it came to Clarke and now she was on her knees sucking her dick. It was safe to say Lexa didn't last much longer. Lexa started to grind her hips up every time Clarke came down on her dick. When Clarke came up, she would circle the head of her dick with her tongue and Clarke moaned when she felt a little bit of pre-cum spill from Lexa's dick.

Lexa was so close.

It was obvious with the way Lexa was squeezing her hips. It was obvious with the way Lexa let out desperate moans. It was obvious with the way Clarke frantically worked her dick so she could cum. Lexa didn't think she had ever came this earlier from a blow-job, but Clarke was working her just right that she wasn't all that surprised when she felt her balls tighten.

Clarke let go of her dick and a wet 'pop' sounded around the room. Clarke desperately jerked her off and had her mouth wide open. Lexa clenched her jaw shut again because she felt herself let go.

She spilled thick ropes of cum into Clarke's mouth and groaned the whole time she did it. She couldn't stop the noises coming out of her mouth, not when Clarke was milking her dry. Clarke gave one last tug on her dick, making sure she got all the cum. Lexa watched in awe as the girl swallowed her load, only a little bit dripped down her chin.

"That was so hot and unexpected." Lexa said breathlessly and Clarke nodded.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me." Clarke said sheepishly and Lexa stood up so she could pulled her pants and boxers up. She placed her now flaccid dick back inside her boxers and zipped her pants up.

"Feel free to do it again." Lexa joked, but she was being one-hundred percent serious.

"I might." Clarke smirked as she went over to the bathroom to wipe her mouth.

Lexa was getting ready to ask if Clarke wanted her to do something to her, when she felt her phone ring. It was Anya, saying that Raven just got out of surgery and Lexa was aware that it'd been a couple of hours since they've been to the hospital.

"Hey, Anya just called. Raven is out of surgery." Lexa told Clarke as she came out of the bathroom and Clarke nodded.

"We should get going."

Neither one of them talked about what just happened. They wanted to get to the hospital and get to Raven. But, Lexa couldn't count how many times she caught Clarke's eyes on the ride over and Lexa smirked.

She still couldn't quite believe she just got her dick sucked.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you guys weren't expecting that blow-job to happen so soon and that's the exact reaction I wanted you to have. I wasn't writing that particular scene just because it was smut and I thought you guys would like it. I wrote it because Clarke has a lot of problems to overcome and that's going to be a huge part of this story. Clarke wanted that physical connection with Lexa, but Lexa wants the emotional. I hope none of you are too mad at me for them moving a little fast and I always tell you guys I do things for a reason. There is a reason I did this and it's talked about in the next chapters to come. I wanted you guys to see that Clarke isn't okay and she isn't in the right mindset. This chapter is yet another important development of this story.  
> I hope you enjoy!

_"It's going to be a good day today." Wells smiled over to his friends. They were all getting ready to go to an end of the year high school senior party. They had the whole summer ahead of them before they went to college and the group was living in the moment._

_  
"Ain't that the truth." Jasper agreed. They hung out at the lake near Clarke's house for a little bit before they decided that they needed to get ready to make an appearance at the party. They all walked back to Clarke's car and Raven noticed how Wells was walking away from the group._

 

_She found it odd because didn't he just say that today was going to be a good day? Raven immediately went after him and when she turned him around, his face was completely disheveled and there was blood running out of his mouth._

_Raven screamed and that caught the attentions of her friends, but they didn't come after her. Raven wondered how they could just stand there and not do anything about this. Wells was completely dehumanizing right in front of her and she didn't know what to do._

* * *

  
The first thing Raven felt when she woke up was groggy. She immediately wanted to close her eyes again. She didn't want to deal with the recovery of her surgery or the physical therapy she knew Abby was going to make her do. She wanted to stare at the darkness she saw when she closed her eyes. But, it was hard to sleep when all she heard were voices around her.

  
"I just want to make sure she's okay." She heard a deep voice say.

  
"Bell, Clarke is going to be here soon. Maybe you should go." Raven knew that was Octavia's voice and of course, Bellamy was here too.

  
Raven opened her eyes slowly and was blinded by how bright it was. She blinked her eyes a few times and squinted in the bright room.

  
"Hey, you're awake." Bellamy said upon noticing Raven wake up. Raven didn't say anything, she tried to, but her throat was too dry.

  
"I'll get water." Octavia said when she noticed Raven struggling to speak. Raven greedily drank the water and felt a little better as the cool water slid down her throat.

  
"Where's Anya?" Raven asked as she looked around, it was just the Blake siblings.

  
"She went to the bathroom, she'll be back." Octavia informed her and Raven fought like hell not to look at the boy with the shaggy brown hair.

  
"Octavia is right. You need to leave before Clarke gets here." Raven said seriously and watched as his whole body deflated. Raven would've felt bad, but she cared about Clarke's feelings more than his.

  
"Raven.."

  
"Bellamy, please. You have to get out of here." Raven begged and Bellamy just nodded. The door opened and Anya walked in. She glared at the annoying boy in front of her and focused her attention on Raven.

  
"Are you okay?" Anya asked as she went over to Raven.

  
Raven nodded slowly, but didn't break eye contact with Bellamy until he left. Octavia walked out with him.

  
"Is Clarke here?" Raven asked and Anya sat down next to her bed.

  
"Not yet. They said they are on their way." Anya said and looked around the room awkwardly. She couldn't for the life of her figure out the drama going on whenever Bellamy showed up.

  
"What do you think is going to happen?" Anya asked and Raven shrugged.

  
"I don't think I'm going to be discharged before Monday. You guys might have to go back without me and don't you fight me on this." Raven persisted and Anya held up her hands in surrender.

  
"Tell me if I'm overstepping... but from what I gather, all your friends here go to the same college so why don't you?" Anya asked innocently and Raven sighed deeply.

  
"I had the choice of going here, but I decided not too." Raven answered and Anya was even more confused.

  
"But why? Why wouldn't you go to a college that seems like a pretty good one instead of going to where we go?" Anya asked again.

  
"Could we maybe.. not talk about this? Just not like this." Raven said and Anya immediately nodded.

  
"Sure, sorry." 

  
"Don't be sorry. I'm just... I'm not ready." Raven said and Anya nodded again, although she didn't understand anything that was going on.

  
Anya looked up when she noticed Clarke and Lexa walk in. Lexa had a dreamy smile on her face and Anya smirked.

  
"Raven! I'm so glad you are okay!" Clarke cried as she walked into the room and hugged Raven. Raven hugged her back just as tight. Raven smiled over at Lexa and Lexa smiled back.

  
"Glad to see you awake." Lexa said and Raven nodded to her.

  
"'Me too." Raven said.

  
"Alright, how is my patient?" Abby asked as she walked in. She had a nurse with her who went over and checked Raven vitals.

  
"I don't feel like total shit so I would like to call that progress." Raven joked and Abby let out a little chuckle.

  
"Alright, I'm going to get right down to business. You are going to need physical therapy with the surgery you just had. This surgery didn't completely heal you," Abby started out gently and Raven listened to every word she said. "The accident that you were in.. Raven I don't know if you'll ever heal properly but with the surgery you just had, the leg pain shouldn't be as dire. Now, I'm not saying that you won't have leg pain because you probably will and that's why the physical therapy is needed. You need to at least stay here for a week maybe even more." Abby said.

  
"I have classes!" Raven reasoned. "If I'm out for a week, I might as well just fail the semester." Raven said angrily.

  
"Your recovery is more important than your classes." Abby said as the door opened again. Raven's heart stopped when she saw who walked in.

  
"Mom?" Raven asked in a small voice as her mother rushed over to her.

  
"Why am I just now hearing about this?" Her mother scolded and Raven looked over to Clarke. Clarke shook her head, she didn't contact Alie at all.

  
"How did you find out?" Raven asked confused.

  
"Bellamy. He called me." Alie said as she looked over her daughter.

  
"I'm fine, mom." Raven grumbled.

  
"No you are not. You just got out of surgery. No one is fine when they just got out of surgery." Alie said in a authoritative tone.

  
Anya stood up from her spot and cleared her throat. "Hello, I'm Anya Carson." Anya stuck her hand out. She didn't really know why she did. She just wanted to diffuse some of the tension in the room. Clearly, it worked.

  
"Hello, I'm Alie Reyes. It's nice to meet you." Alie said politely and then she looked over to Lexa.

  
"Hi, I'm Lexa Woods." Lexa extended her hand to take.

  
"How long will she be in here?" Alie asked Abby.

  
"I'm trying to get her out for her studies but she needs to spend at least a week in here doing physical therapy maybe even more." Abby informed Raven's mother and she nodded.

  
"Okay, she'll spend however long she needs to in here." Alie said and Abby asked if she could talk to her outside and Alie quickly agreed.

  
"I'm seriously going to hurt Bellamy." Clarke said immediately as the two women left.

  
"Me too," Raven grumbled out. "He wasn't here when you guys came up right? I told him to leave."

  
"No, he wasn't here." Clarke said and Raven nodded.

  
"I'm glad he finally listened to me." Raven grumbled again. Lexa and Anya stayed quiet because they still didn't know the deal between the three of them. It clearly wasn't a good one, since every time the boy was around, the two girls tensed up. Lexa so desperately wanted to know what was going on and so did Anya.

  
"Where's Monty?" Lexa asked and Anya smiled.

  
"Oh, he's with Jasper. I think they are getting food. They are the true definition of a bromance." Anya smirked and so did Lexa.

  
Alie came back in and so did Abby. Raven honestly just wanted to go back to sleep and didn't want to deal with her mother right now. She was a little annoyed that she was going to be missing a week of classes and had no idea how she was going to catch up. They were still pretty early in the semester, but that didn't stop the homework that would be due.

  
Alie hovered over Raven the rest of the night and it was getting pretty late. Anya really didn't want to leave Raven alone and figured she could stay a bit longer. Clarke and Lexa didn't seem to have a problem with it. Alie fell asleep sometime during her visit and so did Raven. Monty and Jasper came back up to the room and they all hung out quietly while the two Reyes girls slept.

* * *

  
"I think maybe we should get going." Monty suggested when he realized how late it was. Raven's mother refused to leave her daughter's side, but all the rest of them should start heading out, it was already ten o'clock at night.

  
"Yeah, come back soon." Raven joked as she looked at her friends.

  
"We will be here first thing in the morning." Clarke promised and Raven nodded.

 

"I'll miss you guys." Raven said honestly and Monty smiled.

  
"We'll miss you too." 

* * *

  
They all got settled in. Jasper decided to spend the night too and Abby was staying in one of the on-call rooms at the hospital.

  
Halfway through the night, Lexa knocked on Clarke's door and asked if she could come in. They didn't really talk about what happened earlier, but they've been inseparable ever since. Lexa knew she was going to have to leave soon, but wanted to focus on the time she still had with Clarke.

  
Lexa laid an respectful amount of distance away from Clarke, but they faced each other.

  
"What's the deal with Bellamy?" 

* * *

  
_"Bellamy we can't just leave him." Raven cried._

_  
"We can and we will. It's not him Raven. Now let's go." Bellamy demanded._

_  
"There has to be something we can do." Clarke cried desperately and Raven nodded._

_  
"We can take him to the hospital." Raven suggested and Bellamy shook his head._

_  
"He's a walking-talking zombie looking thing. They wouldn't know what to do with him." Bellamy persisted._

 

_"We need to go." Bellamy demanded._

_  
"He has a father." Clarke pointed out._

_  
"And we will him we did everything we could." Bellamy said solemnly._

  
_"We aren't doing anything at all!" Clarke yelled. Bellamy shook his head and started walking in the other direction._

* * *

  
"He's just... we have a lot of history with him, if you couldn't tell." Clarke whispered and Lexa nodded.

  
"We don't have to talk about it. It's just very clear you get upset when he's around." Lexa pointed out.

  
"We made some pretty shitty decisions and it's just... complicated." Clarke said and Lexa looked into Clarke's eyes. She was savoring every moment she got with Clarke because she knew it was going to come to an end soon. Raven would probably stay here, but she had to go back. She hadn't studied once this weekend and it was so unlike her. She was fully aware of all the drama that had been going on and it had only been a day since she'd been here. She hoped she could visit Clarke again at some point.

  
"You don't have to get into details," Lexa said. "I'm just being curious."

  
"I want to tell you." Clarke said as she sat up in bed and Lexa followed suit. Lexa looked over at Clarke. Her face was free of make up and looked so cute in her pajamas. Anya, Monty and Jasper were asleep downstairs.

  
"We were going to the end of the year/end of high school party," Clarke started out shakily. "It was a good day. We went to the lake. We were just hanging out like we normally did. They drank way too much but I was okay. I had a drink, but I wasn't drunk. We were driving home and it was dark out. Bellamy showed me something on his phone and the next thing I know, we flipped and we were upside down. I got out almost immediately and so did Bellamy. Raven was stuck in the back and so was Wells, he was the older guys son from the hospital. I wasn't aware that the car was going to blow up at any second. Bellamy was yelling at me to come on but I wasn't going to leave them."

  
Clarke already let out a few tears, there was no way she could've kept it in. She hadn't talked about this night since it happened.

  
"I thought Raven was dead, but she wasn't. There was glass all in her back. That's why she's having so many problems, but she also broke her leg. Wells was stuck. Completely stuck. He was wrapped around the seat belt and the car was completely in ruins. I got Raven out but she couldn't move. Wells was telling me to leave him, but he was still alive, I wasn't going to." Clarke sobbed.

  
"Bellamy was with Raven and I was trying to get Wells out, but it wasn't long before the car caught on fire. It was so hot, but I was determined to get him out. Bellamy came over and told me to leave him. Like he didn't even care. He tried to pull me out of the car but I was having a full-blown conversation with Wells. He was still alive and I wasn't going to leave him."

  
Clarke looked over at Lexa and noticed her watching with sad eyes.

  
"Bellamy pulled me away the second I got the seatbelt unhooked and the car blew up shortly after. I had time. I had it, Lexa. I could've gotten him out. I knew the car blew up, but I got him free and all he had to do was wiggle his way out. He was so close to being free and Bellamy ruined that. I just needed one more minute. That minute Bellamy pulled me away was the minute I could've saved his life and I've never forgave him for it. I watched my best friend die right before my eyes and all I needed was a minute. Thelonious doesn't know that we left him, we just said we did everything we could, but we didn't. I didn't." Clarke cried out and Lexa scooted closer to her.

  
"I'm sorry, Clarke." Lexa said emotionally.

  
"He gave up to fast. At least I got Raven out, he pulled me away before I could get him out and I will never forgive him for it," Clarke said sadly. "I don't care if it's justified or not. Bellamy ruined that night for me. I couldn't fight against him, he was to strong and he thought he was doing what was best for me. He wasn't. I had enough time to pull Wells out but he stopped me."

  
"I'm so sorry, Clarke."

  
"I don't like to take things for granted. I was scared to ask you where you lived but I just wanted to know you better. All it takes is a minute for things to go bad. I don't like to wait." Clarke explained and Lexa nodded.

  
"I'm sorry if I moved to fast, you know, with sucking your dick." Lexa felt her face heat up, but shook her head.

  
"It's fine, Clarke. That sounded like a terrible night." Lexa commented.

  
"It was," Clarke said back. "Raven was in immediate pain and was rushed to the hospital. Bellamy and I got out with scratches to the head. I didn't even know what to think at that point." Clarke sobbed and Lexa held her tight the whole night.

 

She didn't know what was up with Bellamy, but now that she found out, she kind of hated him even more. Lexa was picturing everything that was happening. She was picturing Clarke finally breaking the boy loose and was getting ready to free him when a large man got in the way of that. It was a terrible move on Bellamy's part and Lexa hated him for the way Clarke cried all night. 

* * *

  
_"What about you, Wells? Ever want kids some day?" Clarke asked as they lounged around on her couch in the family room._

_  
"Yeah, maybe. A baby girl would be nice or baby boy. I'd name the boy Wells Jr. and the girl, Wilma." Wells answered._

_  
"You?" Wells asked as he took a bite of his sandwich._

_  
"I'm not to sure I want kids." Clarke chuckled out._

_  
"Oh, what, come on. They are so cute." Wells said with a small smile._

_  
"Well then, you better have kids so I can become an aunt." Clarke smirked and Wells smiled._

_  
"I hope so. You'd be such a cool aunt and I would make you godmother too."_

_  
"Really?"_

_  
"Of course. You are my best friend after all."_


	10. Chapter 10

Clarke woke up knowing her days with Lexa were limited. It'd been a long while since she had mentioned anything about the accident. Clarke couldn't count how many times she remembered something about Wells or had flashbacks about the accident. Clarke felt as if she may have ruined things with Lexa a bit. She knew she wasn't thinking rationally yesterday, but Lexa didn't seem to have a problem with it.

Clarke really didn't know what to do. She'd never been in a long-distance relationship before and didn't even know if her and Lexa were even in a relationship. Clarke had no idea how to act around Lexa. She knew this trip was more for Raven than it was for them and really didn't know where they stand. They leave tomorrow around lunchtime and Raven was going to stay here.

Clarke sighed as she rolled over. She was met with coldness. She immediately popped her head up and looked around the room. Her heart stopped when she saw no sign on Lexa.

_Did Lexa leave?_

Clarke was right, it was too much for her. She didn't know what was going to come of this trip, but she honestly wasn't thinking it was that. Clarke thought about how she left Wells and panicked again.

_Did Lexa leave me?_

Clarke sat up fully in bed and was getting ready to call out for Lexa, when she emerged from the bathroom. Lexa was wearing boxers and a loose shirt as she walked over to her. Clarke visibly relaxed and looked up to Lexa.

"Morning." Lexa grinned down at her and she smelt like mint.

"Good morning." Clarke said back. She didn't mention how she thought Lexa left her or how it gave her anxiety. She bathed in the warmth of her bed and smiled up at Lexa.

"Do you have ingredients to make breakfast? Like pancakes?" Lexa asked and Clarke nodded. She got out of bed, brushed her teeth before walking downstairs to make breakfast.

They were halfway through making breakfast when everyone else woke up. They quickly finished up breakfast and took showers and got dressed so they could head to the hospital.

Clarke thought her confessions last night would make her feel lighter, but they didn't. Of course, she faked her smile and laughed all throughout breakfast, but that didn't stop the guilt that was built up inside of her.

She remembered the explosion of her car. She remembered Raven's heartbreaking screams. She remembered how they walked away from her best friend since she was in diapers. She remembered telling Thelonious that they did everything they could. They didn't. Clarke had time to pull him out. They didn't do everything they could, even if it meant seriously getting hurt, Clarke could've pulled him out.

She tried not to think about it as she looked over to Lexa and watched her eat. Clarke had quickly learned that Lexa was a human version of a black hole. She would literally eat anything and Clarke laughed genuinely when she looked over and saw Lexa's cheeks filled with food.

Lexa was more understanding of the fact that Clarke didn't want to drive and Lexa wondered if being in a car bothered Clarke. Lexa watched Clarke more closely and she appeared to be fine. She would clutch her seatbelt from time to time and she did that the day before too when she was driving. It all made sense to Lexa now. She couldn't even imagine the emotional turmoil that Clarke was probably still going through.

She hoped she could be there for her, but Lexa wasn't seeing how that was going to work out. Lexa knew she was leaving tomorrow and she had no idea where they stand right now. She knew things happened between them yesterday, but that didn't mean they were together and Lexa didn't know where she stood. She was starting to become her awkward self again.

She would sweat in the company of Clarke and there was no way she could stop it. Clarke made her so nervous and she could just hear the clock ticking down to how many hours she had left with her. Today was the only real day they have left with each other and it was clear that they were dancing around each other.

That didn't stop Clarke from reaching out and having some type of physical contact with her. No one said anything about it. Lexa knew Monty and Anya were still in the dark about what happened, but it wasn't Lexa's place to tell.

It wasn't long before they arrived at the hospital and they all got out silently. Lexa cursed herself when she saw the tall, dark man from before. She felt weird when she saw him, like she was in on some dirty little secret. Lexa steadily avoided his gaze as they walked to Raven's room. The man looked like he was just leaving and Jasper said a quick hello to him, but Clarke stayed silent. It was clear that Thelonious was looking straight at her, but Clarke avoided his gaze and went inside without saying a word to anyone.

Lexa saw how Clarke's shoulders visibly relaxed as she looked over and saw that Raven was doing okay. Her physical therapy started up today and they wanted to see her before she started.

"Hey, guys." Raven greeted happily and they all greeted her back. Anya sat by her bed and Clarke sat on it. It was quiet in the room today. Alie was still sleeping on the couch. They sat around and watched TV with each other.

They all hung out with Raven for a few hours. Monty and Jasper went downstairs to get food. Alie finally left her daughter's side to go run a few errands and Clarke and Lexa were outside talking. That only left Anya and Raven didn't know why, but she felt nervous around the girl.

"Hey." Raven said into the quiet of the room. She looked at her piercing brown eyes and her strong jaw-line. She was so beautiful.

"Hi," Anya said as she walked over and carefully sat on the bed. "I'm leaving tomorrow and I'm just going to ask... is this a better time to talk?" Anya asked and Raven huffed out a breath.

"I guess so," Raven said. "Ask me anything."

"What's up with Bellamy? Did you two date?" Anya asked curiously.

"Yes," Raven said quietly. "We only went on a couple of dates before we agreed it would just be physical. We were friends with benefits and I could tell he liked me more than I liked him. We were sleeping together when the accident happened."

"What happened?" Anya asked softly.

"We flipped. I was stuck and I couldn't get out. Wells- that guy's son- was stuck too and I thought I was going to die. I couldn't feel my legs at all. I felt someone reach and grab me and it was Clarke. I wondered where Bellamy was the whole time. Clarke told me what happened. How Bellamy was so quick to give up. He was trying to get away from it but that didn't mean he can just leave me and he just has a lot of nerve. He acts like one day I'm just going to get back together with him but I don't have any romantic feelings for him. I never really did." Raven shrugged as she looked over to Anya.

"I see why you don't like him around." Anya said.

"Any other questions?" Raven asked and Anya looked around the room sheepishly.

"That Wick guy.. are you two..?" Anya trailed off. She felt like she was being so noisy right now, but she wanted to know every little thing about this girl, if she would let her.

"No. I don't really care for him either. I date really shitty men- they are not even men, they are boys. But I'm not dating him. I'm single, if that's what you are asking." Raven added. She felt her cheeks heating up and only Anya could make her blush on her hospital bed.

"Okay," Anya said awkwardly and stared down at her hands. "We are leaving tomorrow around noon. We need to get back."

"It sucks that I'm not going with you," Raven realized that sounded a little weird and quickly corrected herself. "With you guys. It sucks that I'm not going with you guys." Raven rushed out and Anya nodded.

"We'll come back for you. Whenever you're ready."

"I'm ready now. Abby won't let me leave." Raven grumbled and Anya chuckled.

"It's what's best." Anya said and Raven rolled her eyes.

"I believe it coming from your mouth." Raven said honestly and Anya hummed.

She didn't know how she got to be in the presence of such a beautiful girl. She'd never seen Raven up until the day she barged in when she was walking to Lexa. Lexa would complain that her roommate was a total slob. But Lexa told Anya that Raven was going to make more of an effort when she got back home and Anya smiled over at the girl. She was so beautiful and Anya couldn't help herself.

"What?" Raven asked confused.

"You're really pretty." Anya breathed. She was very aware that she just gave herself away, but she didn't think that she cared. Raven was looking at her with sparkling eyes and Anya would like to believe they looked a little bit hopeful.

She wondered if any of the guys Raven had been with ever called her pretty because she was, and she deserved to hear it all the time. It was clear that statement took Raven's breath away and Anya thought, maybe those guys didn't call her pretty and looked for sex instead. Raven was way more than sex and deserved to hear it.

"So are you." Raven settled on saying and Anya's eyes widened. Not only did she just confess that Raven was pretty, Raven called her pretty too. Now Anya was the one who didn't know what to say.

"Hey, sorry to break this up. Raven needs to start her physical therapy session." A nurse came in and Anya got off the bed.

Anya stayed and watched Raven struggle to get up. She felt bad because there was nothing she could do. She also felt awkward because they both just confessed that they at least think the other was physically attractive and Anya wasn't really sure what to do.

She knew Raven wasn't gay, but she liked to have some hope in her heart. Anya looked over to Raven before she was wheeled away down the hall.

Anya already turned around and walked in the other direction, totally missing Raven looking back at her.

* * *

 

"Are we going to talk about what happened?" Lexa asked awkwardly as she sat down next to Clarke. She was starting to see that, while this trip has been nice, a lot of stuff had happened and the night was winding down and was leaving tomorrow.

"I don't know." Clarke muttered.

"I don't want you to feel obligated that you have to do that. You don't have to make me feel good in order to make yourself feel good." Lexa said and Clarke sighed.

"You're just... different. I've never been in a long distance relationship and it's new. I don't know how to act. Do I kiss you? Do we have sex? Do we talk like we did online? I don't know, Lexa." Clarke rambled and Lexa sat back. There were people walking in and out of the hospital. The sun was setting and there was a nice breeze. It made Clarke's hair flow and it made her look beautiful.

Lexa looked over to her. She looked at the girl that she'd been talking to online. She looked at the girl who gave her the best blow-job of her life and felt like she didn't know what to do.

"You don't have to do anything, Clarke." Lexa said seriously.

"You're the first person with a penis who has told me that I don't owe them anything." Clarke said honestly and Lexa cringed.

"I know how guys act," Lexa said slowly. "They think with their penis instead of their head. I admit that I lost myself a little bit yesterday and maybe I shouldn't have. I don't know at what pace to go. I have no idea what I'm doing." Lexa admitted and Clarke turned her body so she could face Lexa.

"I don't want you to leave." Clarke murmured and Lexa nodded.

"Me neither. This trip was very eye opening for me. I don't really know where this leaves us."

"Should we stay friends and see where it does?" Clarke suggested and Lexa thought it over. She didn't know when she would see Clarke next. She knew she needed to get back to her dorm soon and back to her college lifestyle. She was glad she did this though. She didn't know if she was cut out for a long-distance relationship or even a relationship at all. It was very clear that Clarke was still hurting and-

"Wait, the accident. It happened while we were talking, right? It happened this past summer. We were talking during that time." Lexa pointed out and Clarke's eyes widened.

"How did you... how did you even.." Lexa couldn't form the sentence she was trying to. She wasn't mad at Clarke. She didn't think she could be, but how did Clarke keep this in the whole time?

"I didn't know how to tell you. We had just started talking and you were the only person that made me feel better about myself." Clarke said.

"Clarke, I know I'm not good with emotions, but damn. I don't know how you did that." Lexa looked over at Clarke and noticed her looking up at her with pale blue eyes. Lexa couldn't make out what Clarke was thinking.

"I don't know either. I didn't ever want to talk about it though," Clarke said. "I'm known for being wild and I lost myself this summer and the beginning of the semester. I don't even know how I'm human and I've slept with people..." Clarke trailed off and Lexa pressed her lips in a thin line.

She told herself not to cry. Clarke could've done whatever she wanted. They weren't together, but they talked to each other everyday. It stung knowing Clarke slept with other people possibly while they were talking. They flirted with each other a lot and Lexa thought it was special and sacred. Only for Clarke to turn around and get in bed with someone else. Lexa really didn't know what to think of Clarke now.

"You had every right too." Lexa said quietly.

"It meant nothing. Absolutely nothing. I was just trying to feel something and then, you came along and I admit I slept with people while I was talking to you and I'm not proud of it and.."

"I don't want to hear about you fucking other people." Lexa grumbled and Clarke groaned.

"Please, don't be mad." Clarke pleaded.

"I'm not mad, Clarke. I'm just saying, I don't want to hear about it. We weren't together and we didn't even know we lived in the same state so it's whatever." Lexa said annoyed.

"So, what do we do now?" Lexa asked after a minute, despite herself and Clarke blew out a breath.

"Do you just want to be friends?" Clarke asked quietly and Lexa shrugged.

"I don't know, Clarke. I don't know anything when it comes to you. Will you hook up with other people?" Lexa asked. She didn't really know why she asked. She wasn't calling Clarke a slut or anything, she just wanted to know.

"No," Clarke said seriously. "I'm not going to sleep with anyone."

"How do I know that?" Lexa asked and Clarke stilled.

"I don't know. I guess you'll have to take my word for it." Clarke shrugged, but she meant those words. Lexa didn't know if she could trust Clarke, but she wanted to. She knew Clarke wouldn't lie to her, but Clarke also hadn't told her a lot of things. This was the first time she'd mentioned that she had hooked-up with other people while they were talking. Lexa felt like a fool. She would spend countless nights fanning over this girl and she had no idea she was with someone else.

But Lexa wanted to trust Clarke.

"Okay." Lexa said softly.

"Maybe we can still talk like we do and when you ever have time to visit we could... I don't know be more than friends." Clarke suggested and Lexa's eyes widened.

"Like sex buddies?" Lexa asked unsure and Clarke chuckled.

"I guess. I don't know. I'm just suggesting." Clarke said.

"Would you be able to handle that?" Lexa asked.

"I should." Clarke supplied.

"We don't have to figure it out now. We could just wait and see." Lexa said.

A part of her knew sex buddies could go completely wrong. Did Clarke even have feelings for her? She knew happened yesterday, but that didn't justify anything.

"Yeah, you're right." Clarke agreed.

"Do you want to head home?" Clarke asked and Lexa nodded.

"I think Anya might stay a while longer. I might just come back and get her." Lexa said as they stood up. They were standing close to each other, but neither one of them made a move. Clarke just sighed and started walking towards Monty's truck.

"I wish I could tell you that I would be here for you. I will be here. After tomorrow, I know I won't physically be here. And I'm not saying I don't want to be with you Clarke. But we shouldn't make any rash decisions right now. I know that you value your time and so do I. But we should wait on this. Let's just see where this goes. If we stay in contact. If we even have time to see each other, alright?" Lexa said.

She was desperately trying to get a grasp on this situation and hated hat she couldn't just blurt out that she had feelings for the girl. Lexa was positive she did.

But Clarke agreed and that was all that mattered to Lexa.

She hoped that she could be there for Clarke. It sucked that she wouldn't physically be there for her and with the semester just starting, she didn't know when she would have time to come down here again.

This time it was urgent because Raven was in pain, but when would Lexa see Clarke again? Lexa didn't want to leave. It was clear that Clarke was hurting and wanted to hold her. She cursed the universe for putting such a beautiful girl so close to her, but so, _so_ far away.

 


	11. Chapter 11

When Lexa woke up, she was very aware that she was holding someone. She wondered how she went from not holding anyone at all to holding two different people in the span of a week. Lexa knew who she was holding, it was very obvious with the blonde hair that was all in her face.

Lexa hummed and snuggled further into the blonde hair. She was very aware that she was leaving today and it was such a bittersweet feeling. She didn't want to leave this girl, zero parts of her wanted to leave. She wanted to stay and be this girl's rock because Lexa felt like she needed it.

"Good morning." She heard a raspy voice say and Lexa smiled. She loved that voice.

"Good morning." Lexa repeated and Clarke turned around in her arms. She smiled sadly up at her.

"You leave in a few hours." Clarke murmured as she played with a few of Lexa's hair, wrapping her finger around her brown locks.

"I know." Lexa breathed and Clarke sighed.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without you." Clarke said and Lexa looked deep into her eyes.

"You'll make it through it. I'm just a phone call away. Now that I know, you can always talk to me about it." Lexa whispered. The sun was shining through Clarke's blue curtains and it was cascading Clarke in the perfect lighting. Her eyes were so clear right now, Lexa felt like she was bathing in them.

"Thank you, Lexa. It means a lot to me. You're just.. amazing and I'm sorry." Lexa knew exactly what Clarke was referring to and clenched her jaw. She still didn't want to think about Clarke being intimate with someone else. It rubbed her completely the wrong way. She wondered if someone else would be holding her like this in the days to come and clenched her jaw again. Even the thought of it, made her mad.

"It's fine."

"Can we eat breakfast up here? Away from everyone?" Clarke asked and Lexa nodded. They decided on oatmeal and biscuits. Clarke whipped up some of her homemade oatmeal her mother taught her how to make and Clarke and Lexa went back upstairs into her room. It was nine o'clock and Lexa was leaving in a few hours.

"I don't mean to sound rude... but other than those people you slept with.. have you ever been in an actual relationship?" Lexa asked as she took a bit of the delicious oatmeal.

"I have been. Recently no. You?" Clarke asked.

"Kind of. Not before I started talking to you. I had a girlfriend but she went to school in New York." Lexa answered and Clarke nodded.

"I'm scared to leave you," Lexa said. "I'm surprised I didn't catch on to the fact that something was wrong when we were talking."

"Well, it was hard too. I didn't see you everyday." Clarke said as she took a bite of her biscuit.

"Why are you scared to leave me?" Clarke asked and Lexa swallowed hard. She avoided her eyes and looked down at her food.

"I'm just afraid that when I leave, you'll be with someone else. I know you said you wouldn't, but seriously? How am I supposed to know that. I'm scared that once I leave, you'll try to find solace in someone else." Lexa said honestly. She watched as Clarke took a sip of her juice. Clarke didn't say anything for a long while. Lexa thought that maybe Clarke was mad for what she said. Then again, Lexa wasn't looking at Clarke anymore. She was scared of this whole conversation. She was scared of leaving.

"I'm going to miss you, that much is clear. You're right." Clarke breathed and Lexa sucked in a breath.

"I'm so beyond messed up. How can you trust me?" Clarke asked seriously. A part of Lexa thought she was joking, but Lexa looked into her eyes and saw she wasn't kidding. Lexa felt bad for even suggesting it.

"I want to trust you." Lexa whispered.

"I'll just prove myself then." Clarke said.

"Is it that easy? For someone to sleep with people to feel the void and then meet someone you might have feelings for but they can't stay and it's clear that you have abandonment problems. Clarke, I'm sorry but.. I don't know." Lexa trailed off, she didn't want to fight. She wanted to enjoy the few hours she had left with Clarke, but so many things were unclear between them.

"Do you know how to just be with someone?" Lexa asked and cringed. She knew she was being a little heartless right now, but she needed to get her point across. She didn't know how else too. She wanted to know what Clarke was thinking. It was clear this girl slept around to fill the hurt in her heart. Lexa knew she couldn't say stop and expect Clarke to do it.

"I don't know. I used too. But like I said, I lost myself." Clarke said quietly and Lexa scooted closer to her. It was difficult with the food she was balancing.

"Lean on me, if you feel like you're losing it again. Please." Lexa begged.

"Okay." Clarke whispered. They finished up breakfast in silence and when they were down, Lexa properly scooted over to Clarke.

"I wanna promise that I won't do anything..." Clarke trailed off quietly.

"The reason you... you know... was it because you saw Bellamy?" Lexa asked curiously and Clarke nodded.

"It's a shitty reason, I know. A part of me wanted to and the other part of me just needed something to forget about it. I felt like I died even more inside when I saw him." Lexa looked down at Clarke. She was resting on her elbows and Clarke was fully laying down. Lexa looked over to Clarke and wondered how she ended up in bed with such a pretty girl.

"Maybe you should get help?" Lexa suggested quietly. "You can't heal overnight. You can't stop something you've been doing for months, Clarke." Lexa said seriously.

"I can try for you," Clarke whispered. "I know you know. I've seen you in person. I felt you in person and I only want you."

"You may only want me but that doesn't mean you can just break the habit."

"So, what? You don't ever want to be with me?"

"I don't trust you, Clarke. You don't owe me anything. We aren't together. If you wanted, you could sleep with whoever you wanted," Lexa said as she sat up. "This happened to soon. This wasn't how I imagined this happening and I'm never going to put the blame on you when it comes to the accident, but Clarke, this isn't the way to do things." Clarke sat up too and looked over at Lexa with hurtful eyes.

"So you think I'm a slut?" Clarke asked with a dark chuckle making Lexa's eyes widened.

"No! That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying if I would have known you were sleeping with other people..." Lexa trailed off because she didn't know how she was going to finish that sentence.

Would she have slept with people if she would have known Clarke was doing the same? She'd talked to a few other girls online before Clarke and knew they weren't anything serious. But it was different with Clarke. Lexa believed in her heart she could be with this girl and it hurt like hell knowing Clarke slept with other people.

Would she have done the same? To snoop to a level so low, just to make it even? Lexa didn't think she had it in her to do that, but then again, she owed nothing to Clarke either.

"You would sleep with other people too?" Clarke breathed and Lexa clenched her jaw. She felt her body freeze and she half shook her head, half nodded. It looked like a spasm, but Clarke saw her nod her head and sucked in a breath.

"I wanted to meet you and I wanted to be with you-"

"Do you though?" Lexa sneered and Clarke gaped at her.

"Yes."

"You need to face the fact that you got into that car accident. You need to face the fact that you sleep with people to escape the hurt. You need to face the fact that Bellamy and Thelonious trigger you and you need to learn how to love yourself before you could ever love me." Lexa knew halfway through, she should've shut her mouth, but couldn't stop. She didn't want to be mean, but maybe that was the only way to open up Clarke's eyes. Lexa felt a part of her break when she saw tears welling up in Clarke's eyes. She looked so hurt and Lexa wasn't sure if she was the cause of it.

"We could be together one day," Lexa whispered out. "I feel it in my heart, but not like this." Lexa watched as Clarke let her tears fall and it pained Lexa, but she had to do this.

She had to stick up for herself.

She was protecting her own heart in the process. She felt bad that she had been so mean to Clarke and was harsh about it, but there was a lot of things Clarke was going through. She wondered briefly how someone could have such a good poker face.

No wonder why Clarke was so wild, she was trying to escape it all and Lexa understood it. Lexa understood her and wondered, perhaps, maybe her friends didn't see that. She wondered how she caught onto it so quickly. Maybe it was the fact that she willingly admitted that she slept with other people.

Lexa wasn't stupid. She knew it wasn't one person over and over. Clarke had slept with multiple people. Lexa felt like maybe they needed this time apart to figure out what they wanted. Lexa already knew she wanted Clarke, but would gladly take a step back if that was what Clarke needed.

"I don't know what to do. You're leaving and I want you to stay. I meant it when I said that you make me feel better about myself. I don't feel as bad in your company and it sucks that the one person I actually want to be with, can't stay." Clarke rasped out wiping her tears away.

Lexa knew she shouldn't have done it, but she did.

She leaned in and she held Clarke. She knew she was going through a lot right now. She was still surprised how she didn't catch on to it, and maybe Clarke was right. Maybe Lexa did make Clarke feel better. Maybe Clarke really did want Lexa to stay. Lexa didn't know what was going to happen when she left. A part of Lexa didn't even want to know because she didn't want to get hurt. It sucked to admit that she felt like Clarke could hurt her. She already did in a way, but Lexa couldn't really fault Clarke because they weren't together and they were only talking.

But now Lexa met Clarke. She looked into those gorgeous blue eyes. She had held her at night. She had memorized ever nook of Clarke's voice and face. She met Clarke's friends and she had been inside her house. She got a blow-job from the girl exactly where she was sitting now.

"Maybe it was too soon." Clarke admitted quietly.

"Does this even justify anything? Like when I go home, what will happen?" Lexa asked and was afraid of the answer.

"I want to continuing talking to you." Clarke said honestly and Lexa nodded.

"Me too."

"We could just talk like we used too and if you ever do what to come see me again, then we should just let it happen." Clarke said.

"I'm just making sure you are okay with it." Lexa said doubtfully.

"Of course I would be, I want to see you again Lexa. I spent this whole weekend with you and I want to do it again where we can really hang out."

"So, we are taking the friend route?" Lexa asked.

"That's not what I'm saying but you were right. Me being scared of what could happen any minute and me being triggered by Bellamy.. I could've handled it better. I know I have a lot of work to do when it comes to myself. I'm sorry if I wasn't what you thought I'd be." Clarke said sadly and Lexa held her tighter.

"We'll see how it goes."

It was the closest thing Lexa could promise the girl. She wasn't going to give in so easily. She didn't think she had it in her to do. She wouldn't fault Clarke for sleeping with other people but that didn't mean, she would readily give into her. She knew that their time with each other was seriously limited and Lexa was going to miss this. Even if this trip did more harm than good, she got to meet the girl she was falling head over heels for. She knew she was still falling, but she could put herself on pause.

She felt as if she had jumped off a cliff and now she was hanging on to a loose branch. A loose branch that could stay put or completely fall, having her fall with it. She hoped to god the branch would stay in its place so she could figure this out.

Right now, she didn't necessarily want to be falling. She wanted to hold onto something or she wanted to slow it down so she didn't fall as hard because it wasn't her time. It wasn't time for her to fall and she looked up at Clarke's ceiling and prayed to everything above that she could just stay in her place.

* * *

 

They decided to go to the hospital before they left. They all wanted to say goodbye to Raven before they got on the road. Their bags were packed and stored away in the truck. They were going to see Raven for just a few minutes before they headed out. Anya was the first one to go in and thanked god her mother wasn't here. Not that she didn't like Raven's Mom, she was a very nice lady. She just wanted some alone time with Raven before she left.

"Hey." Anya greeted.

"Hi." Raven smiled. She didn't smile at too many people, but she liked to smile at Anya.

"I can't be too long, Lexa and Monty want to say goodbye too. Monty is doing terrible because he has to leave you and Jasper." Anya smirked as she sat down. This was the closest she'd ever sat to the girl but Raven didn't say anything, so Anya stayed where she was.

"I'm going to miss you." Raven said honestly. She was sure that she would see her soon, but she didn't know when and it was the truth. She was going to miss the girl sitting next to her.

"Me too," Anya said. "But we will see each other soon."

"We will." They looked at each other, but they did speak a word.

Anya was looking at Raven with soft eyes and so was Raven. They didn't say anything to each other, but Anya reached out and started playing with Raven's hands, soon interlocking them together and Raven gasped.

Anya's hands were so soft. Nothing compared to Bellamy's tough hands or Wick's huge hands. Anya's hands were slightly bigger than hers but they were so soft and Raven held Anya's hands for as long as she could.

Anya's time was up and soon Lexa walked in.

Lexa entered the room with a smirk. She purposely went out of her way to do it because she got absolute pleasure knowing someone as pretty as Raven had a crush on her.

"Why are you so smiley?" Raven grumbled.

"No reason." Lexa hummed.

"I will put poison in your milk if you speak of this to anyone." Raven threatened.

"I just can't believe it. All those times you've changed in front of me. Those side comments. It was because you liked me!" Lexa gushed and Raven rolled her eyes.

"Yes, past tense. Liked." Raven said.

"On a serious note, it's okay if you are. If you ever want to talk about it." Lexa said and Raven nodded.

"I'm not ready to. My mom... she's great but I don't know how she will take it and I'm not even saying I am. But it's a possibility and not just because my luck is running out with men." Raven said seriously and this time Lexa nodded.

"Well still... I'm here." Lexa said as she got up and hugged Raven.

"I'm totally going to enjoy the dorm to myself for a few days." Lexa smirked again and Raven chuckled.

"I'll be seeing you soon, Woods." Raven smiled and Lexa smiled back.

Monty was in tears when he came in. A part of his tears were for Raven and the other part was for Jasper. He was such a cool guy and they clicked instantly.

There were no Jasper's on campus. Nathan Miller was his closest guy friend but he had nothing on Jasper and it pained Monty to leave him. He felt like he truly got to know him this weekend and he definitely looked forward to coming back. Raven shushed Monty's cries and held him like a baby until he stopped. When he did, he asked if they could never speak of it and Raven smirked before answering.

"I'll see you soon."

* * *

 

Walking out to Monty's truck was a quiet event. All you heard were feet dragging against the pavement. Lexa walked alongside Clarke in the back. Jasper was walking out with them and Anya said she wanted to drive so she could distract herself. Monty looked to be in no shape to drive and Lexa was too distracted to want to drive. She hung back with Clarke while the others got in the truck. Jasper said goodbye to Monty like a hundred times before he hugged him tight and walked back inside so he could be with Raven. Lexa stayed near Clarke, she hovered over the girl awkwardly, wondering what to say.

"I'll call you when we get back home." Lexa promised and Clarke nodded. Clarke told herself to keep it together and not cry, but that was hard to do when she formed somewhat of a connection with this girl. She just wanted to spend more time with her.  

"I'll be here."

And Lexa sighed, long and deep. She sighed because she was finally leaving. She sighed because Clarke looked so beautiful in natural lighting. She sighed because they really didn't solve anything and she sighed because she was hanging onto that branch.

"I'm going to miss you." Lexa whispered and Clarke nodded again.

"I'm going to miss you too." Clarke said as she pulled Lexa in for a tight hug. 

Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck and Lexa allowed herself to hold the girl back because she didn't know when she would see her again. Lexa kissed her cheek and told her that she could talk to her whenever she wanted. She hoped the other girl wouldn't shut her out.

They had to let go of each other at some point and Lexa got into Monty's truck with tears in her eyes. Clarke didn't hide the fact that she was crying too, she never wanted to let Lexa to go, but she did. Clarke pulled away from the hug and gave her a broken kiss to the side of her lips and let her go. Lexa walked to the truck with heavy steps as she said bye to Clarke again and Clarke waved back.

The girl was full on sobbing, but there wasn't anything Lexa could do. Anya already started the engine and it was time to go. Lexa looked back at Clarke one more time before getting into the truck.

She watched out the window as Clarke walked back inside and felt her heart sway in her chest. She was restraining herself and she needed to. She wasn't going to lean in and give Clarke an actual kiss. She wasn't going to promise her everything was going to be okay, because she didn't know if it will be. She did tell her she was going to miss her because that was true. She didn't know what she was going to do without Clarke Griffin around, but woule figure out something.

The whole way home she was praying to god to make her hang on to that branch, she wasn't ready to fall into the unknown.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to admit that this story was meant to get a little dark. It was hard not to with the accident. But it was in those dark times that Clarke wanted to find the light and she finally did. Lexa was that light and I hope you guys have at least a little bit of faith in Clarke because I'm trusting her and I hope you guys can too. I also already have this whole story planned out and I know what's going to happen and I have a feeling you all will like it.  
> I also want to say that I already wrote this chapter before I put up chapter 11. This was what was always going to happen.  
> This chapter is dedicated to the title of this story. It was the reason why I named it this haha I'm such a dork. I hope you enjoy!

Lexa knew how pathetic she was being, but didn't care. She dropped her luggage onto the floor and sighed. She had her whole room to herself and was going to call Clarke soon. She would've called her now, but she seriously needed to get back into her college lifestyle and do her homework and study. Plus, she needed some time to think.

It wasn't long before she couldn't stall anymore and felt foolish because she already missed having Clarke around. Even if they weren't agreeing on anything right now, she liked to be in the company of the girl. Lexa got her notes from Lincoln and was relieved to find out that their history test had been moved back. Lexa knew she needed to have a serious talk with Clarke again and it sucked that it would be over the phone, but so many things were unclear between them and she wanted to make at least some of it, clear.

She had lounged around for a bit, knowing that she promised she would call Clarke. She wasn't sure what she was going to say. What do you say? A part of her felt bad for saying what she did and another part of her didn't feel bad. If not for her, she hoped Clarke got help for herself. This was a serious problem Clarke was going through and she was drowning herself in the company of other people.

Lexa had just finished eating her dinner. She caught up on her studies and had the whole dorm to herself. She was going to call Clarke. She cringed as she waited for Clarke to answer. She knew she said she was going to call as soon as she got back, but stalled. She had to and now she had some sense of what she was going to say to the girl and held her head high.

"Hey, Lexa." Clarke greeted casually through the phone.

"Hey, sorry I'm just now calling." Lexa said.

"It's okay. I was actually just thinking. I'm back at my dorm now. Octavia is still with Raven though." Clarke informed her. Lexa wished she could be talking face to face with her.

"What were you thinking about?" Lexa asked as she got under the covers.

"You." Clarke said honestly and Lexa tried not to smile.

(She did, but only a little bit).

"I made a promise to you and it's different now. I actually met you, if I hadn't then who knows. But I met you Lexa. I stared at your beautiful face and it would be really shitty of me to fall back on my word." Clarke said.

"Okay," Lexa said. "I realized that maybe I shouldn't have said those things.."

"Don't be sorry. It hurt like hell but the only reason it did was because you were right and like I said, it's different now. I don't want you to be disappointed in me. I want to make this right and I want to get help," Clarke's voice started getting shaky. "Because I'm not okay and I'm sick of not being okay. And I was in the company of a girl who made me feel better and I just want that. I don't want anyone else, they don't do you justice." Clarke cried.

"Are you going to talk to someone?" Lexa asked.

"I don't know. My mom knows a lot of therapists. I like talking to you, but I know you don't want to hear about certain things. Maybe it will help me." Clarke's answer was unsure, that much was clear for Lexa and she could understand it and wasn't going to be petty. This girl was hurting and needed help. There was no other way to put it. She went through a traumatic situation and she'd been trying to tell herself she was okay, but she wasn't. Maybe she would have a setback and Lexa didn't know if that would involve sex or not.

But she'd been flirting with this girl for months on end and didn't think she was wrong for thinking more of it. They would send each other's selfies, they would get to know little details about each other. Lexa felt like in a way, she really knew Clarke besides the accident and now that she knew about it, she wanted to be there for her.

"Maybe you should talk to someone. Even if it's just one session. It could help you Clarke. You shouldn't have to carry this around with you," Lexa said seriously. She heard Clarke sob and Lexa frowned. "This isn't healthy. I'm not even talking about the sex Clarke. Just this in general. You shouldn't keep this bottled in."

"I know!" Clarke cried. "I want to try for you because I felt like I had a connection with you. I know this doesn't justify it but I just wanted to feel something for someone and I couldn't and then I met you and that went out the window. I miss you so much and I just wish you were here."

"I wish there was a way for me to be here and where you are Clarke," Lexa said. "But there isn't. So we will figure this out in time. Maybe ask your mom for some numbers. It's a step and you don't have to do this for me. No, let me rephrase that. Don't do it for me. Do it for you."

"I want to do it for me and also you. It wouldn't be right, now that you know, for me to continue to do it. Before, we weren't really anything, but this trip was an eye-opener for me too. I'm completely messed up and you are amazing and I wish I could ask you to wait for me, but that wouldn't be right."

"We'll take it day by day because it would be shitty of me to leave you like this."

"I'm sorry if I hurt you. I don't care if you want to hear it or not. I'm sorry that I slept with people. I know I flirted with you and people talk more to people online nowadays. They flirt more and I meant my flirting. You were cute and I couldn't help myself and I think that maybe I should get some therapy done before you see me next. It would be good for both of us because I'm so tired of living like this. I'm so tried of feeling bad all the time. I want to be my old happy self. I could be happy with you, Lexa. I can feel it. But I need to work on myself first."

It was a very mature answer, really. Lexa listened as Clarke talked and found herself agreeing that maybe this would be what was best. Maybe Clarke should take time for herself because she needed it. Perhaps, Clarke wanted to get back to her old self. She didn't want to be Clarke that was carrying around a secret. Maybe she wanted to be Clarke that was carefree again, who was just trying to enjoy life. Lexa couldn't possibly imagine what Clarke was going through and would be there for her, even if it was wrong. Lexa felt that it was right, there was no way she was giving up on Clarke and maybe she shouldn't have been so quick to judge her.

"I'm sorry I basically called you a slut. I admit that I had my own idea of you in my head and I shouldn't have put you on that pedestal." Lexa blurted out and she heard Clarke sigh.

"It's okay. Everything you said made me open my eyes. I want help. Me sleeping with people isn't the way to be, especially if there is ever a possibility we could get together."

"Would you want that?" Lexa asked quietly. She was laying down in her bed, holding her phone up to her ear. Her heart thumped in her chest as she listened to the answer.

"Yes. It would be selfish of me to ask if we could move on. I want to at least move on from this." Clarke said.

"In time." Lexa whispered.

"I just want you by my side," Clarke whispered. "And I mean that. No funny business. To have you here would be a great honor."

Lexa giggled.

"I wish I had magically powers," Lexa said. "Then I really would be here and where you are."

"I wish you could be here and where I am."

"Me too." They stayed silent on the phone. The fact that Clarke wanted to get help, spoke volumes. Whether it had to do with Lexa or not, Lexa really wanted Clarke to do this. It would make her feel better and the guilt less stronger. Lexa already knew Clarke blamed herself, but maybe she should talk to a professional about her problems.

"Could we stay on the line longer?" Clarke asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Yes."

Another beat of silence.

"I'm going to talk to someone tomorrow. I'll ask for some numbers tonight from my mom and then I should really do this. I don't think I can spend another night feeling the way I do."

Lexa knew she had no right to say this. That it wasn't for her to say. But maybe Clarke needed to hear it. Clarke needed to hear a lot of things. Lexa quickly found out that Clarke could be stubborn and wanted the girl to know it would be okay.

"Your best friend Wells would have wanted you to be happy." Lexa said and heard Clarke let out a loud gasp, followed by sobs. Lexa knew something wasn't right if she couldn't even mention Wells' name without Clarke getting emotional. She wasn't saying she wouldn't get emotional. But the immediate reaction, Lexa just knew that Clarke didn't talk about him at all, if not ever.

"Maybe life should be about more than just surviving, Clarke. You deserve better than that." Lexa found herself saying and Clarke just cried harder. Lexa listened to it. She listened to the broken sobs coming from the other line and provided comforting words. She wanted to let Clarke know she was there, even if she was crying.

"Thank you. For everything. Can we just agree to work together, please? I can't do this without you." Clarke begged.

"Of course. I can forget it Clarke, because you need help."

"I know I do and you are right. He would want me to be happy." Lexa was very aware that Clarke didn't say his name and she also meant everything she said. She knew it stung when found out, but Clarke wasn't in the right headspace and was willingly to admit it because this girl was willingly to admit she needed help. Lexa would try to be there any way she could.

Lexa stayed on the line with Clarke until she was sure she fell asleep. She listened to her heavy breathing and soon fell asleep herself. She hoped Clarke would at least sleep good tonight and hoped she helped her a little bit.

(Lexa did. Clarke slept all night).

* * *

 

"Why don't you love me anymore?" Her dad grumbled into the phone as Lexa closed her books. She giggled and rolled her eyes.

"Dad-"

"You don't call. You don't text. You don't write." Her dad goes on.

"Who writes anymore?" Lexa giggled.

"You wouldn't know because you don't write me." Titus said back.

"I'm sorry, dad. I've just been busy." Lexa explained.

"School busy or girl busy?" Titus asked with a smirk.

"Both." Lexa answered honestly.

"When do I get to meet her?"

"Not yet. She's going through a lot and well.. I'm just trying to be there for her. But soon, I hope. She's just a friend for right now." Lexa replied.

"That's all I ask. Your brother misses you. He's napping right now, lord knows he needed it."

"I'll try to come see you guys soon."

"You act like we live across the country. We live thirty minutes away from you." Titus scolded.

"I'll try dad," Lexa giggled out. "I'll even bring Anya and Lincoln."

"The more the merrier." Titus hummed.

"I'll talk to you soon, dad. I love you."

"I love you too." Titus replied with a smile. 

* * *

 

Clarke didn't necessarily know what she was doing. She brought a wad of tissues with her because she knew she was going to need it. She told her mom what was going on and how she needed to talk to someone. She had never seen her mom move so fast to get the best therapists she knew. Abby cried as she handed over the numbers to Clarke and Abby wondered how she didn't see it.

Clarke walked up the stairs, she was to nervous to take to elevator. The only real time she had was over the weekend and here she was early on a Saturday, walking up to Dr. Robert's room.

She'd never been to therapy before and texted Lexa that morning hoping to wish her luck. She knew Lexa would be up because she was working and smiled when Lexa texted her that she would be on standby until she was finished.

Halfway through the sessions he started to ask the tough questions.

Who Wells was? What was her coping mechanism? Why did she do it? How did she do it? How did she feel about it? The questions kept coming in.

Dr. Robert's was a short man. He was bald, but had some hair on his sides and he was Asian. He talked in a soft voice, but loud enough for Clarke to understand and she had to admit, his voice made her more relaxed.

"He was my best friend." Clarke answered.

"How did he die?" The man asked.

"I killed him."

"How did you kill him?"

"I was driving and we hit a rock and we flipped over." Dr. Robert's looked at her expectantly and Clarke fidgeted under his serious gaze.

"I'm glad you came in today, Clarke. We have much to discuss. People grieve in many different ways. I will never judge you for anything you say to me. I'm here to get inside your mind. I want to know what you are thinking and I'm glad you decided to get help." Dr. Robert's said. Clarke didn't know why she got so emotional. Maybe it was because she was finally getting help and a girl, a beautiful girl, over the internet helped her realize it.

She found herself crying more than she ever had during the session, and it was only the first one. She already admitted to herself she wasn't okay, it was hard to admit to the man that she wasn't and it was hard to talk about the things she did. But, maybe Lexa was right when she said she deserved more than just surviving.

Clarke didn't want to survive.

She wanted to live.

She wanted to be free of her guilt, anger and grief because she just wanted to feel free. She wanted to walk outside and not hate everything about herself. She wanted to feel like she should be here and not dead. She wanted to try to live and wanted to get better for herself, and admittedly for Lexa.

Clarke just hoped one day she could be where Lexa was. Because to be with her would make Clarke feel whole again, she already knew it and needed to make these steps for herself. She was rapidly falling down a deep hole and would probably have a setback. She knew she would see Bellamy again and knew she would have to face him at some point, but for right now, she wanted to get everything out.

She wanted to talk about her dead best friend and how she remembered memories of him. She wanted to talk about the car accident. She wanted to talk about how she slept with people to fill her heartache and how it didn't work at all. She wanted to talk about this great girl she met and she hoped she would see again because she only spent one weekend with her and she was already changing her life.

Clarke wanted to hope that Lexa could truly be there and where she was.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I absolutely loved writing every word of it.  
> Sorry if there are any mistakes, as you know, I write and edit all my stories by myself.

When Clarke got out of her second therapy session, she wasn't naive. She knew she wasn't going to snap her fingers and be better. But a part of her felt lighter, like she didn't immediately want to drop dead. She walked with light steps down the street. She wanted to take this time for herself. She would probably call Lexa later and they could talk when she was free about how it went.

Clarke wanted to visit Raven today and maybe tell her what had been going on. Clarke didn't know if Bellamy triggered Raven the way he did her, but she wanted to talk to her best friend because Octavia wasn't there the night that they got into the car accident and Clarke was relieved that she wasn't. She stayed back with Jasper and was going to catch a ride with him. Clarke wanted to talk to someone who knew about it, even though she just spent her whole morning talking about what happened.

It was quite the long walk to the hospital, but Clarke felt like she could do it. She wasn't going to get in a car and drive. She hadn't drove since the accident. She didn't have anxiety getting into a car, but she would if she was actually driving it. She hadn't drove in over two months and didn't plan on it now. She remembered how she texted Lexa the next morning after the accident and felt awful. She texted her a simple good morning and broke down for hours afterwards.

She went to a party and hooked up with some dude that night. Raven was in the hospital and she didn't even step foot near Bellamy. So, she turned to booze and boys. It wasn't the greatest coping mechanism, but at the time, it made her forget what happened to her. Clarke sighed and walked her way up the entrance of the hospital.

Her steps were heavy now as was her heart and she thought about her best friend. She wondered what he would be doing if he was here right now. She knew she would definitely gush to him about this wonderful girl who came to see her and how she already missed her. It'd only been a week since she'd seen Lexa last and was counting down those days until she could see her again. She didn't know when that would be, but Raven was getting out soon, so she hoped that Lexa would come down to get her.

* * *

 

"I'm sorry I left." Raven whispered as Clarke sat on her bed. Raven was getting better with her physical therapy sessions, but Clarke knew that Raven wasn't going to fully heal and it made her sad.

"It's okay." Clarke said back.

"No, it isn't. I fled the second I could. We know I could've gotten in to the college you go to but I didn't. I chose one in Los Angeles because I wanted to get away."

Clarke figured as much. She never said anything about it because she didn't want to talk about what happened, but now that she was trying to open more about what happened to her. She wanted to talk to her best friend about it.

"I miss you." Clarke said softly.

"I miss you too." Raven said just as soft and they looked at each other. The look on their faces said a lot.

How sorry they were. How broken they were. If they were ever going to heal. If they could ever get out of their rut of sadness. If they could fully accept the fact that they were hurt and try to move on.

Raven was tried of hurting and so was Clarke.

Perhaps, they deserved more. Perhaps, they deserved the love they should have. Perhaps, they should stop trying to turn to shitty men who they know don't love them and try to real find love. They both had a person in mind when they thought of it. Perhaps, Raven should take a leap of faith and so should Clarke.

These two girls faced each other and cried because they knew what they other was thinking and were tainted by what happened. They were tainted by images of Wells. They were tainted by the idea of Bellamy. But they were relieved with images of the two girls they saw last week and Clarke wished now more than ever that she could just embrace Lexa. The mere thought of it made her heart jump and spin in circles.

They knew they were both young and in college but they have been through a lot and Clarke just wanted to stop. She wanted to stop finding unwanted pleasure in both men and women. She wanted to just slow down and close her eyes. (When she did, she saw images of Lexa. She saw her smile and her beautiful eyes. She saw her compassion and beautiful long hair. She saw Lexa and Clarke felt calm).

"In time." Clarke whispered. She remembered Lexa saying those words to her and they meant a lot. She would heal in time. She would get over this in time. She would face Bellamy in time and she would learn how to love herself again in time. She would learn to love Lexa in time and she was willing to wait because she wasn't ready yet, but one day she would be and she couldn't wait for that day.

"In time." Raven whispered back and pictured Anya. She was scared. She had never engaged in any homosexual activity before. Raven was sure she was straight but there was something about this girl and couldn't get her out of her head. (She often thought about what it would be like to stay in the hospital bed all day just holding Anya's hand).

Raven would've turned to Clarke and told her about the inner turmoil she was having and ask her how she knew she was bisexual, but Raven held her tongue. She waited because she wasn't ready yet but she would be in time. She would be ready to face the man who left her behind in time. She would possibly be able to tell her mother of her thoughts in time. She would be able to tell Clarke that maybe she wasn't straight and perhaps bisexual in time. She would be able to face Anya one day and tell her how she was feeling in time. She would learn how to love herself above anything in time.

Clarke cuddled up to Raven for a while and they just stayed like that. Raven held her best friend with a broken smile on her face.

* * *

 

Lexa was lounging around with Anya and Monty on an early Saturday morning. She would have to go to work soon but for right now, she was laying down. Monty was laying down on Raven's bed and Anya was on Lexa's. They all laid around with miserable facial expressions. Lexa was thinking about Clarke. Anya was thinking about Raven and Monty was thinking about Jasper, he swore only in a platonic way. (They have been texting each other all morning).

"Hey, my dad wants me to come visit him and I was wondering if you guys wanted to come with?" Lexa asked from her spot. She was resting her head in Anya's lap and Monty looked over to them.

"Really?" He asked in disbelief and Lexa smirked. Monty and Lexa had gotten close this past week and have been hanging out any chance they could. This would be one of them and Lexa wanted him to meet her father. She looked to him as a friend now. A friend who she had cuddled with and her smirked widened.

"Yeah. It could be fun. He's probably going to cook a bunch of food. You wouldn't be the only boy, I already texted Lincoln and he's in."

"I'm definitely in. I love your Dad's cooking." Anya said as she looked down at Lexa and they both looked over to Monty.

They didn't make a big deal about the situation, but the dramatic pause that ensued was more than enough. They were inviting him somewhere without Raven and even though Raven wasn't here, Lexa found out she would still invite the smart boy who made special brownies, (he kept asking if she wanted one and would politely decline each time, saying it would taint with her studies).

They were all very aware what was happening. Lexa knew a lot of people around campus, it was hard not to. But for a long while it'd just been Anya and Lexa. They were still the best of friends, but they added Lincoln into their circle and now they were inviting Monty because he was fun to hang out with. Lexa would still never admit it, but he was a nice snuggle buddy. It was a big deal to Lexa because she didn't take to new people well, but wanted to befriend Monty. She saw why Raven liked to hang out with him because he was so nice, but didn't let himself get walked over. Lexa would never do that to him.

(Lexa figured out why Raven adored him so much).

They continued to look at him until he cracked a big grin and nodded.

"I would love to." Monty breathed and Lexa nodded back at him with a smile of her own.

* * *

 

"How was it?" Lexa asked. She was taking a twenty minute break from work in the back alley and decided to call Clarke. She knew she had just gotten out of her therapy session.

"Great. It was great." Clarke's voice floated through the phone and Lexa nodded. Lexa was going to her dad's next weekend with her friends and Raven would be coming home the weekend after. Lexa wasn't quite sure how that was going to go and if she was going to come down there again. She didn't want it to be too early for Clarke to see her, but she could admit that she wanted to see Clarke.

"We talk about a lot of things. We talk about the accident a lot and I don't immediately want to drink afterwards so it was good." Clarke elaborated with a smile and Lexa smiled a bit herself. She was happy for Clarke. She was happy she was getting the help she deserved instead of suffering in silence because that never worked. She was happy that she could hear the smile behind Clarke's words.

"Raven goes back in two weeks." Clarke said quietly and Lexa hummed and nodded. She wasn't sure where this conversation was going to go and she wouldn't come up there if Clarke didn't want her to.

"Did you guys figure out who's coming to get her?" Clarke asked the dreaded question, but she was curious.

"We haven't. All of us could come or just one of us. I'm not sure." Lexa found herself saying. She wanted to say she would volunteer herself to go because she wanted to see Clarke, but held her tongue.

"We could all come. Monty is having serious Jasper withdrawals." Lexa said again and Clarke hummed.

"We? So you would come with them?" Clarke asked and Lexa shrugged.

(She kept forgetting she wasn't in the presence of Clarke and she wished she was).

"If you don't want me to or if it's too soon then I won't. But I would like to see you Clarke because to see you again would be an awfully great honor." Lexa breathed and Clarke sucked in a breath.

"That's my line." Clarke accused and Lexa smirked.

"Well, it was a pretty good one." Lexa quipped.

"I would like you to come down here. I want to see you," Clarke said. "I didn't heal overnight and I'm not fully healed now but my headspace is a bit more right and I would love to see you again."

"Really?" Lexa asked in awe and Clarke made a sound of agreement.

"Yes," Clarke breathed. "To see you _would_ be an awfully great honor. But we don't have to rush it. I rushed everything and I need to learn how to take a step back and evaluate the situation I'm in. I want to be in your presence and I want to do it right this time."

Lexa wouldn't tear up here. Her co-workers would probably make fun of her. She knew Echo and Ontari would, she'd been working with them for a year now, she got pretty close to them, but she was happy Clarke said that. She knew therapy didn't automatically fix someone but Clarke sounded better. Lexa couldn't explain it but she sounded more real and like she was really here and not just surviving. She sounded like she wanted to start living again. Lexa hoped they could hang out with each other for real this time, no funny business and she smiled fully because the thought made her happy. Clarke made her happy and Lexa agreed.

She agreed she would come down there when it was time. She agreed that she would see Clarke again and hang out with her like long-lost friends would. She agreed silently that she just wanted to be in Clarke's presence and she silently agreed that she would be there for Clarke through this because there was no place else she would rather be except actually with Clarke. She smiled again because she would be seeing her soon.

"Okay. I'll be there."


	14. Chapter 14

Lexa looked over to Monty as they pulled up to her house. It was still in pretty good shape. There were weeds growing in the front of the house and the garden was just a disaster. She quickly looked over to Monty.

"My house is kind of small.." Lexa trailed off awkwardly. Anya and Lincoln were getting the bags out of Monty's truck.

"Are you kidding? It's just been me and my mom my whole life. We lived in an apartment." Monty smiled over to Lexa. She knew he was trying to be comforting and was grateful for it because she felt embarrassed a bit. She wasn't embarrassed with Anya and Lincoln because they knew her a bit better and her friendship with Monty was still new. She was glad he didn't mind though. Lexa didn't get a chance to respond to Monty because her dad threw open the front door.

"My daughter!" Titus exclaimed as he ran up to her. Lexa was brought into a bone-crushing hug by her father and she struggled to breathe but she let it happen because she missed him.

"Dad, you know Anya and Lincoln. This is Monty." Lexa introduced Monty once her dad released her.

"Hello, Monty." Titus said politely and more put together than he was a second ago.

"Hello, sir." Monty said respectfully and Titus laughed.

"Call me Titus, any friend of Lexa's is a friend of mine." Titus said and Monty smiled.

"Okay," Monty said. "Titus." He added.

"Lets go inside, I made plenty."

"Lexa!" Aden yelled as he spotted his sister and Lexa opened her arms wide for him.

"Aden!" Lexa exclaimed and kissed his cheek affectionately.

"I missed you!" Aden said as he hugged his sister tight and Lexa squeezed just as hard. He was getting bigger but he was still so small and it was easy to pick him up and carry him around. Lexa carried him into their house as Anya and Lincoln put their luggage down.

"Are you staying the night?" Aden asked curiously as he spotted the suitcases.

"I am. But only one night." Lexa said and Aden was happy that his sister was staying but sad it was only for one night.

"Aden, this is Monty." Lexa introduced again and Aden waved shyly at him and buried his face in his sister's shoulder.

"Hi, Aden." Monty greeted with a smile.

"Hi." Aden said shyly and Monty just giggled.

"Now, tell me about this girl you are seeing but apparently aren't dating yet." Titus said from the kitchen and Lexa groaned.

(It was a bad move on Titus' part. Lexa spent the whole dinner talking about her).

* * *

 

"Are we going to cuddle again?" Monty asked as they finished up dinner. They were retrieving their luggage by the front door and Monty was informed that there was only one guest room and Anya already called it.

"Should I be worried? I really hope you don't think I have a crush on you or anything." Lexa teased and was totally joking and this was the reason why she loved Monty so much because he caught onto it quickly.

"Well, we already know what's going to happen and I don't mind. Anya kind of messed it up when she called the guest bedroom." Monty said awkwardly and Lexa laughed.

"Of course you can sleep in my bed and of course we can cuddle." Lexa said as they made their way upstairs. She had texted Clarke earlier to make sure she was doing okay and was relieved to find out she was. Lexa was beyond exhausted from working earlier and then coming up here. She showered quickly and hung out with her brother while Monty went to go shower.

She had missed her brother. They were close when she was living here before she went off to college. Lexa found herself doing a lot for her brother and would never fault her dad, she knew he was doing everything in his power to make sure Aden has a good life and admired him for it. They didn't grow up the wealthiest family, but they had money to their name and Lexa was proud of that money because she knew it wasn't just given to them.

Her and her dad worked for it. Lexa held a job all throughout high school and her dad worked two jobs to put food on the table for them and would always appreciate her father and hoped one day she could repay him. She decided she was going to major in political science and one day become mayor or something close to it.

Lexa found it too cute how Aden was trying to stay up with her but she told him that he could fall asleep and once he did, she tucked him in bed and went into her room. Monty was showered and dressed and he was laying in her bed.

"Hey." He said softly and Lexa greeted him back as she closed the door. Anya and Lincoln were in the room beside them. Lexa crawled into bed wordlessly and turned the TV on.

"I miss Clarke." Lexa whispered quietly after sometime and Monty nodded.

"I miss Jasper." Monty confessed and Lexa nodded.

"We see them next weekend and I just know it's going to be good." Monty said.

Lexa didn't know how it became their thing, but it did. Lexa was drifting off to sleep and Monty scooted closer to her and was the big spoon. Lexa knew this wasn't in any way romantic, she knew that line has been drawn and besides, she was totally gay. But it was still nice and she somewhat wished it was Clarke. A part of her didn't because she liked being in the company of Monty and fell asleep with his arm wrapped around her waist.

* * *

 

Lexa found herself thinking about trees and nature and the damn cliff the whole way to San Diego. Monty drove this time around and Lexa and Anya were in the back while Lincoln was up front. They had asked Lincoln if he wanted to come down with them and he said yes. 

Lexa was in her own headspace, she was finally going to see Clarke again after a couple of weeks and couldn't wait. Lexa wasn't sure if she was hanging on or letting go. She felt like as if the branch broke off a little bit from the cliff and she fell with it.

(She found herself still hanging on though, she didn't know what was going to happen this time around).

Lexa knew the first trip was so unexpected and a lot happened and the focus was more on Raven. Lexa wasn't saying she didn't want to focus on Raven when they go back down there, she wanted to. She just wanted to spend her time more wisely. She was very aware that she was attached to Clarke's hip the whole trip last time, but she really wanted to hang out with the girl. Things were still unclear between them and she hoped this trip could clear some of it up. Lexa knew she could be ready to fall into the unknown with Clarke, but she also felt as if they should wait.

Lexa was counting down the minutes until she was going to see Clarke again. Lexa didn't find herself being nervous. She was ready. She was ready to see her again and couldn't wait. She wasn't a disaster like the first time, she knew Clarke now, she knew what she looked like and what she had been through. She was going to be herself because that was all she could do. It wasn't long before she saw the familiar signs leading them to San Diego and Lexa smiled.

Lexa walked up to the hospital with prideful steps, she was wearing a grin and she was ready. She was ready to see Clarke again and she caught a glimpse of that beautiful blonde hair by the front desk.

Clarke was waiting for her.

Lexa could tell with the way she looked up whenever someone entered the hospital. She watched Clarke's body language change when she saw her and it made Lexa happy inside.

Clarke's face looked relieved, like she was finally seeing Lexa again. Clarke looked happy and overwhelmed and Lexa watched her blink a few times to really make sure this was happening. Lexa found herself nodding because it was. It made it so much more clearer to Lexa that Clarke actually wanted to see her again. It was obvious Clarke was waiting for her because the second they locked eyes, everyone else faded around them.

Clarke took off full speed towards them and Lexa was prepared. She felt like this was what her life was truly about. Holding Clarke. Feeling her against her. Smelling her. Clarke leaped into Lexa's arms and Lexa held her much like a mother held a baby. And Lexa didn't care that she was in a hospital with hundreds of people around to witness it, she held Clarke like this was the last time she was going to get to.

"I missed you so much." Clarke whispered into her ear and Clarke had her arms wrapped around Lexa's neck. Lexa breathed her in. She smelt like vanilla and strawberry mixed into one and Lexa found the smell addicting.

"I missed you too." Lexa whispered back and figured she should put Clarke down. Clarke reluctantly got down and greeted the others.

"Oh, Clarke. This is Lincoln." Lexa introduced her tall friend and Clarke smiled.

"Wow, you're tall." Clarke said amazed at the dark boy in front of her that was all muscle and Lincoln smiled softly.

"It's nice to meet you, Clarke." Lincoln murmured.

"And so soft-spoken." Clarke gushed and Lincoln smiled wider.

"Lets go see Raven." Anya said impatiently and Lexa smirked. She couldn't lie though, she wanted to see her too and walked close to Clarke the whole way up. Raven was getting discharged tomorrow morning, which meant she still had to spend one more night here. It was Friday, but at least they would all be spending Saturday together.

Anya was in head of everyone and reached Raven's room first and didn't bother waiting for anyone as she opened the door. Raven looked up when she heard the door open. She knew her friends were coming to see her today, but  had no idea what time they were coming. Raven smiled wide when Anya busted through the door.

"Anya!" Raven found herself exclaiming happily. She found herself opening her arms wide and Anya embracing her tight. They held onto each other longer than they should have and only pulled apart when the door opened again.

"Hey, guys!" Raven said happily as she greeted everyone. She hugged Monty and then Lexa and Clarke, even though she just saw her and she was introduced to the really tall boy behind Lexa. Raven swore that could've easily been someone's dad, he was really tall and looked older for some reason. He was also very attractive. Raven gave Lexa a whole bunch of credit because they were just a really attractive bunch when they were all together.

"We can't wait until you are free of this place!" Monty said.

"Where's Jasper?" He immediately asked afterwards and Raven rolled her eyes a bit.

"He doesn't shut up about you!" Raven yelled out in frustration but she was happy. So, _so_ happy. "He's on his way with Octavia." Raven informed the boy and Monty nodded happily. They all got comfortable in Raven's room and they all caught up with each other. Clarke and Lexa were sitting on the couch, Monty and Lincoln were sitting at the little table off to the side and Anya sat on Raven's bed.

Lexa could admit that her and Clarke were sitting very close to each other. Lexa should have scooted over to give Clarke more personal space, but couldn't bring herself to do it. Lexa sat shoulder to shoulder with Clarke and they traded sly smiles.

"You've been good?" Lexa asked quietly. Clarke didn't nod, but she didn't say no. She didn't want to lie to Lexa even though they were in the company of others. Some weeks were better than others. Clarke was happy to see Lexa, but she did run into Bellamy earlier that week and she thought she could handle it, she told herself she could, but she couldn't.

It brought back terrible memories and she hated it. She didn't hate herself, but hated the situation and she wasn't ready. It wasn't her time yet to face him and found herself walking in the other direction. He had been trying more to talk to Raven but she always dismissed the boy because she wanted nothing to do with him.

Clarke just wished he would go away but knew wasn't that simple. But she didn't react the way she used to. She knew she would have definitely drank herself into a coma and tried to hook up with someone. It wasn't that hard for Clarke to find someone to have sex with. She was very out there with her sexuality and found it easy picking up both men and women, but she didn't do that this time. Clarke would like to call that progress because she knows in the past she would have already slept with at least two people just to forget about seeing Bellamy.

But there was no place else she would rather be right now. Lexa was looking at her with compassionate eyes and Clarke drank them in. She didn't want to drink whiskey or tequila. She didn't want to drink a Marquita or vodka. She wanted to drink Lexa in and that was exactly what she did.

"I'm fine. I just keep seeing Bellamy around." Clarke said quietly as Lexa continued to look at her with concerned eyes. It was like Bellamy just knew she was getting help and was rubbing it in her face that he was still here and he would always be here. Clarke wanted him to leave.

"I'm sorry." Lexa said lowly and Clarke shook her head.

"It's okay. I'm getting through it. It helps that you are here and don't worry, I won't take advantage of you unless you absolutely want me to." Clarke said seriously and Lexa nodded with a little blush. She didn't really want to think sexually right now. She knew Clarke probably wasn't ready for that, but Lexa could admit that Clarke looked good right now. She was wearing leggings and a hoodie and had her hair up in a ponytail. Lexa wondered how she would keep her eyes off of Clarke. (She didn't. She stared at her and tried to read her more than any textbook she had ever gotten).

Lexa couldn't help herself. She wanted to remember even more about Clarke so when she wasn't with her, she could remember the little details like the way she smelled and how her eyes twinkle when she talked about something she was passionate about.

Clarke talked about the interior design classes she was taking and how they really shelter her to what she wanted to do. Lexa was so happy for her. Lexa in turn talked about her political science classes she was taking and her boring history class that she read ahead in. Clarke called her a nerd and Lexa stuck her tongue out at her. Lexa drank in Clarke's warmth and her blue eyes. She couldn't get over how pretty they were and she still didn't believe that Clarke was interested in her. Clarke was so attractive, Lexa wondered why Clarke was so into her.

"How was your dad's?" Clarke asked and Lexa turned more towards Clarke. Lexa's thigh was resting more against Clarke's and Lexa loved the contact.

"It was good. We ate a lot of good food and it was fun." Lexa said and Clarke nodded.

"My Mom is going to be home more this weekend than she was the last time you came. Pretty much everyone is welcomed back to my place though, I'm just giving you a heads up." Clarke explained and Lexa nodded.

"My Mom is pretty old-fashion and she will probably want you to actually sleep in the guest room." Clarke said sheepishly and Lexa smiled. Of course she wanted to get her cuddle on with Clarke, but she could wait. They had time and Lexa knew Clarke liked to value her time, but she also remembered that Clarke was learning to take a step back in life and really enjoy it instead of rushing into things. Lexa was okay with actually sleeping in the guest room during her stay here, but then again, anything could happen. Lexa found it hard to control herself around Clarke.

"I'll be on my best behavior." Lexa said sweetly and Clarke giggled.

Lexa reached out and ran a hand through Clarke's hair, "I love your laugh." Lexa breathed. She wasn't sure if it sounded creepy or sweet but she had to tell Clarke. She looked genuinely happy right now and Lexa hoped she was the cause of it.

(Of course she was).

It wasn't long before Octavia and Jasper came in. Monty immediately jumped up and embraced the boy and then Octavia. Lexa watched with a happy smile as she got up too and embraced them. Lexa watched as Lincoln awkwardly introduced himself and stuttered. Lexa looked at Anya in surprise because Lincoln may be big and intimidating, but he was never one to trip over his words. Lexa looked at the attractive brunette he was introducing himself to and she smiled. Lexa walked back over to Clarke and sat down. They would have leave soon, leaving Raven here by herself and come back to finally retrieve her from the hospital in the morning.

Lexa couldn't help but feel like there was a storm cloud brewing. She knew that her and Clarke just had a pretty good conversation, catching up. But all of their friends were around, they couldn't talk about what they really wanted to and Lexa knew it was going to happen at some point. There were a lot of loose ends that they needed to tie up. She really wanted to sit down with Clarke and clear the air. She didn't want to do it to herself but she felt like she had to. She wanted Clarke to trust her and wanted to apologize again in person because she still felt bad and a part of her wanted to know what Clarke was going through when she texted her months ago when the accident happened.

She wouldn't dare pry the information out of Clarke, she was hoping Clarke could willingly give her the information. She wanted to lay all of their cards out of the table and hoped it would be a fair game.

But Lexa couldn't wait for what was in store this weekend because it was already going better than the first one.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am truly sorry for the wait. I wasn't happy with this story at all and I apologize for the first 14 chapters. I didn't want to take the story down, but I am steering it in another direction. I don't regret anything that happened because it was all going to happen, if that makes sense. I do regret the way I wrote it. I feel like I've grown as a writer since the last time I uploaded this story. I'm really not trying to sound cocky. I can only imagine how you guys feel because I'm very disappointed in the first 14 chapters. 
> 
> It won't be as angsty as it was before, and definitely more smut. It's going to focus a lot on Clexa and the distance they have to deal with. I'm actually happy with the chapter I've written, and I'm happy to share it with you guys. This chapter does pick up right where I left it with 14, but I'm taking it in a different direction. A big thank you to my beta, mmeister911, for editing it.
> 
> I do plan on updating this fic more frequently. For those of you who have stuck by this story, it's truly appreciated.
> 
> Feel free to follow me on Tumblr, rebelguitargirl, if you have any questions about this story or any of my other ones. This is the best way to contact me.

Clarke's mom wasn’t home when they got there, but Lexa still wanted to respect her rules. She sat her stuff down respectfully in the guest room which happened to be right across from Clarke's room. Lincoln took the other guest room upstairs while Anya and Monty had the same rooms as last time.

  
  
Clarke thought it would be a good idea to order pizza for dinner and nobody objected to it. Clarke gave them all permission to make themselves at home and help themselves to whatever they wanted.

 

  
Lexa and Clarke mysteriously disappeared upstairs as they all waited for the pizza. They both sat down on the bed with Clarke sitting in front of Lexa.

 

They both smiled at each other.

  
  
"I'm really glad you're here." Clarke said making Lexa smile wide.

  
  
"Me too, this weekend is going to be good." Lexa said. Clarke nodded her head in agreement.

  
  
"You look good." Lexa said after a moment.

  
  
"So do you." Clarke replied.

 

Lexa really wasn't sure where to take the conversation. There was many different routes it could go and it felt like she was standing in the middle of a four way intersection. She didn't know which way to go.

  
  
Clarke didn't say anything. She just crawled farther up the bed and turned her TV on for background noise. Lexa sat close to her with her heart thumping the whole time and fearing Clarke might hear it.

  
  
"We don't have to be so awkward," Clarke whispered. "There's a lot of unsolved things between us I know, but I really want you to enjoy your time here. I really enjoy having you here."

  
  
"I like being here with you too. I'm going to do my best to enjoy it because I don't know when the next time will be. I'm just really sorry about everything that's happened between us. I want to move on from it."

  
  
"We both are and it's okay. We can definitely move on from it. We should just try to enjoy this weekend and take it slow and just see where it goes." Clarke suggested.

  
  
"I can do that." Lexa nodded.

  
  
It wasn't long before they heard the doorbell ring signaling their pizza had arrived. They finally decided to join everyone else downstairs.

  
  
"Oh," Anya exclaimed. "It's about time you two lovebirds make an appearance." She teased while Jasper made kissing noises towards them.

  
  
Clarke's face flushed red and Octavia noticed. She tilted her head to the side in a silent question. Clarke subtly shook her head.

  
  
"Real mature, guys." Clarke said getting out two plates for her and Lexa. She put two slices of pizza on a plate and handed it to Lexa. Lexa smiled gratefully while Clarke fixed a plate for herself.

  
  
They decided to all eat together. Lexa watched Lincoln giggle like a little school girl while talking to Octavia.

  
  
Anya and Lexa made eye contact and they smirked knowing they were going to tease him later.

  
  
Lexa sat next to Clarke the entire evening and just enjoyed being around the blonde.

 

She was very devoted to her studies, but Lexa loved the mental break she got when she got to come see Clarke. She loved it and had plans to continue visiting. She didn't think a long distance relationship could be all that bad if it was with Clarke.

 

  
When everyone was done eating, they decided to call it a night and all made their way to their respected bedrooms. Octavia decided to share a room with Anya. After Lincoln said goodnight, he followed Clarke and Lexa upstairs.

  
  
"Can I shower?" Lexa asked.

 

  
"Of course. Twist up for hot or down for cold. Shampoo, soap and washcloths are in the cabinet below the sink. Towels are in the linen closet." Clarke explained. Lexa nodded in understanding.

  
  
She felt fifty times better after her shower. Before she went to bed, she went and knocked on Clarke's door. Clarke answered it quietly, ushering her in.

  
  
"Hi." Clarke greeted. Lexa's hair was dry, but very curly. She was too tired to bother straightening it. She would do it in the morning.

  
  
"Hey." Lexa greeted, stepping into the room. She wasn’t sure what she wanted, but knew she wanted to see Clarke before going to sleep.

 

  
Clarke opened her arms up and Lexa fell into them.

  
  
"I really want your mom to like me. I don't know when she will pop up so I think it's best if we stay in separate rooms." Lexa said quietly nuzzling her face in Clarke's shoulder.

  
  
"I know," Clarke breathed. "But we could spend some time together before we go to sleep."

  
  
"That's exactly what I was thinking." Lexa smirked. They both walked over to Clarke's bed, getting under the covers.

 

They settled next to each other silently, mapping out each other's faces with the moonlight that shone through Clarke's curtains.

 

Clarke tentatively reached out, running her fingers across Lexa's cheek.

 

“I want to show you something tomorrow. Will you let me?” Clarke whispered, afraid of breaking the calm silence around them.

 

“Of course.” Lexa rasped, a tiny smile coating her face.

 

“I haven't shown anyone in a long time. I lost touch with it.” Clarke continued. Lexa was curious, but didn't want to push Clarke.

 

“I would love to see it. Even though I have no idea what you're talking about.” Lexa teased.

 

“You'll see tomorrow.” Clarke smirked.

 

“I should probably get back to my room.” Lexa said.

 

“Or you could stay here.” Clarke shrugged.

 

“I don't want your mom to catch us.”

 

“We wouldn't be doing anything wrong.”

 

Lexa thought it over for a minute. She didn't want to leave the warmth of Clarke's bed nor did she want to leave Clarke. Lexa gave Clarke a sly look before scooting closer to her.

 

“I guess I could stay for you.” Lexa said, bravely pressing a kiss to Clarke's cheek, making the blonde smile.

 

“I want to show you before we pick Raven up.” Clarke informed her. Lexa nodded before wrapping an arm around Clarke's waist.

 

“You're so cuddly tonight.” Clarke giggled.

 

“I like cuddling with you.” Lexa shrugged innocently.

 

“Me too.” Clarke whispered, snuggling into Lexa further before they both drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 

Lexa woke up to someone tapping her shoulder. Lexa groaned, rolling over. She ended up rolling too far, and landed on the floor with a loud thud.

 

“Oh, my god!” Clarke giggled out. “Are you okay?”

 

“Do I look okay?” Lexa groaned, slowly sitting up.

 

“Here, let me-”

 

“Clarke, what is all the-” Abby stopped, narrowing her eyes at Lexa.

 

“This isn't what it looks like!” Clarke quickly said.

 

Lexa flushed crimson under Abby’s intense gaze.

 

“What's going on in here?”

 

“We fell asleep! That was it!” Clarke defended the both of them.

 

Abby glared at Lexa once more, before locking eyes with her daughter.

 

“That better be it.” Abby said, gritting her teeth together.

 

“It was!” Lexa said, finally finding the courage to speak. She slowly got up, rushing over to Clarke's side in fear of what Abby could possibly do to her.

 

“Breakfast is ready.” Abby said, not breaking eye contact with Lexa. She shot the girl another glare before walking out the door.

 

“See!” Lexa hissed as soon as Abby closed the door. “This was why I didn't want to sleep in here! I want your mom to like me.”

 

“She does. She's just trying to intimidate you. Come on,” Clarke said, dragging a grumbling Lexa out the door. “Let's go eat so I can show you, please.”

 

Lexa perked up at that. She still had no idea what Clarke was going to show her, but was still excited for it.

 

They scarfed down their food, before politely excusing themselves. They didn't have much time, plus they still had to get ready to go pick Raven up.

 

Lexa walked quietly behind Clarke as she lead them down the hall. They stopped at a room in the middle. Lexa’s eyebrows were knitted together, watching Clarke exhale deeply before opening the door.

 

It opened silently before they both stepped in. Clarke shut the door and Lexa gaped at what she saw.

 

“Wow.” She breathed looking around the place.

 

It was an art studio. All different types of paintings were hung on the wall, as well as various drawings. There were drawings of the city, the mountains, flowers and so much more. They were all so beautiful.

 

“I used to be really into drawing. I design a lot for my interior design classes, but I like to free draw. I stopped for the longest time, and haven't found my way back yet. I wanted to show it to you because it used to be a big part of me before the accident. I don't know, I guess it's stupid.” Clarke rambled, her heart heavy looking around the room.

 

“No, it's not,” Lexa said firmly. “It's beautiful. It's better than anything I can do. I mean, look at this skyline.” Lexa gushed, walking over to the painting.

 

“You painted that?” Lexa asked in awe.

 

“I did. It was shortly after Wells died. That was the last painting I did.” Clarke said slowly walking up to Lexa.

 

“Thank you for showing me this,” Lexa said looking back at Clarke. “It's amazing. Just like you. I'm sorry about everything that's happened between us. Words can't describe how much I want to kiss you.”

 

“Me too,” Clarke whispered. “Come here.”

 

Lexa bit her lip walking closer to Clarke. She softly grabbed a hold of her waist, pulling her in.

 

“You're so beautiful.” Lexa muttered, looking down at Clarke's lips. The blonde didn't make a move, just stayed pressed against Lexa.

 

Lexa was aware that this was her move to make. She flicked her lips down to Clarke's before looking into her eyes. Lexa didn't ask this time. She swiftly swooped in for a kiss, her heart pounding in her chest the entire time.

 

Clarke instantly kissed her back, and Lexa released a moan. She nipped at Clarke's bottom lip before pulling it into her mouth. Clarke's hand came up to rest against Lexa's arm.

 

Lexa couldn't wrap her head around the fact that she was kissing Clarke again. There was nothing more she wanted. She wanted them to get past the awkwardness. She wanted to enjoy her time with Clarke, because she had to leave tomorrow afternoon.

 

Lexa led the kiss, with Clarke following close behind her. Lexa slipped her tongue into Clarke's mouth, whimpering when the blonde's tongue brushed against hers. Lexa gripped Clarke's waist tighter, but not enough to hurt her. She kissed Clarke until her lungs burned for air.

 

She pulled away, sucking in a breath.

 

“Wow.” Clarke commented.

 

“Yeah. Wow.” Lexa said with wide eyes.

 

“I hate to interrupt this, but we need to go get ready.” Clarke said. Lexa nodded, at a complete loss for words.

 

“Yeah, let's go get ready.”

* * *

 

Raven was arguing with a nurse when they arrived. Lexa rolled her eyes, but didn't think much of it. Raven was very stubborn and didn’t surprise her at all that she wasn’t backing down.

 

“I can get it on my own!” Raven shouted. She was trying to reach for her stuff, but couldn’t without falling over. The nurse insisted that she just hand it to her. Raven grumbled, folding her arms and finally obeying.

 

The nurse rolled a wheelchair over to Raven’s bed, before helping her sit down.

 

They all helped her into Monty’s truck before piling in. Lincoln and Octavia had decided to stay back at the house and wait and Abby had clocked in for her shift. They had decided to go back to Clarke's house and hang out there.

 

Anya rode in the back with Raven and Monty while Clarke sat up front with Lexa who was driving. The fiery Latina was talking about how she couldn't wait to get back to her studies. Lexa frowned because she had no idea how Raven was going to catch up, but knew she was really smart and probably wouldn’t have trouble.

 

It wasn't a long ride back to Clarke's place. Lexa was glad that Raven was back with them, she missed her. She watched her make her way inside with the assistance of her crutches.

 

Abby had told Lexa that Raven needed to use the crutches around campus no matter how embarrassing it was. It was necessary for her recovery. Lexa promised she would make sure the brunette used them.

 

They all piled into the house and Clarke ordered Chinese for lunch.

 

“I want to go La Jolla Cove! It's always been on my bucket list.” Monty broke the silence that everyone fell into. They had been stuffing their faces thoroughly enjoying the food.

 

“I could be down with that.” Lincoln agreed.

 

“Me too,” Lexa said, briefly looking at Raven. “Or we could just enjoy our night here.”

 

“Guys, we can do whatever you want. Don't let me stop you.” Raven said.

 

“I don't want you to be uncomfortable.” Lexa muttered. Rave smiled appreciatively at her before Clarke spoke up.

 

“We can go tonight. The sunsets are amazing,” Clarke chimed in. “We don't have to get in the water if we don't want to.”

 

“I agree with that.” Anya said washing her food down with water.

 

“Then it's settled.” Monty clapped his hands excitedly.

 

“I guess it is.” Lexa hummed.

 

Lexa looked over to Clarke who had a happy smile on her face. They were sitting side by side. Lexa slipped her hand in Clarke's as they finished their food.

 

Lexa was looking forward to going to La Jolla Cove, but mostly was looking forward to spending it with Clarke.

* * *

 

Lexa excitedly walked close to Clarke as they made their way down to the beach. Clarke smiled at how cute Lexa was being. Lexa couldn't help the giddiness that she felt. There were cliffs all around them and the ocean was so blue. The sight was beautiful. Lexa was bummed she didn't bring her swim trunks. The sun was starting to set which had Lexa snapping lots of pictures.

 

Clarke brought a blanket with them and laid it out on the sand. She patted beside her, and Lexa sat down with a goofy smile.

 

“This is nice.” Lexa commented. There were a lot of people around. Her friends mixing in with them, but they were luckily left alone. Lexa was grateful for it.

 

“It is. I don't come down here as often as I would like, but it's definitely beautiful.” Clarke said.

 

“How are you liking your first year in college?” Lexa asked. She knew Clarke worked and went to school. She would always ask how her day went, but had never asked if she actually liked going to college.

 

“It's not bad,” Clarke shrugged. “I miss Raven like crazy, but Octavia’s my roommate, which I'm extremely happy about. It's not all that bad. The parties are good.”

 

Lexa pressed her lips in a thin smile. Partying was never really her thing. She often liked to sit in the library and study on Friday nights instead. Anya would try to drag her out her dorm, but she hadn't cared for the party scene.

 

“Sorry if I'm interrupting that.” Lexa said.

 

“Of course not,” Clarke waved her off. “Even if there was a party tonight. I wouldn't want to go.” Clarke smiled warmly at her.

 

“Especially when you're leaving tomorrow. I feel like we don't ever get enough time.” Clarke frowned. Lexa mirrored it because Clarke was right. A weekend simply wasn't enough for her. Now that Raven was coming home with them, she had no idea when she would be able see the blonde next.

 

“You should come to LA next. I'd show you around.” Lexa said making Clarke squeal happily.

 

“I would love to! I don't know when I could though. I'd have to look at my schedule.” Clarke said.

 

“Yeah, and I would have to see when a good time for you to come would be too.” Lexa agreed.

 

“We’ll figure it out.” Clarke nodded.

 

“I hope so. I don't want to leave.” Lexa pouted.

 

“How's everything else going?” Lexa asked softly after a minute. Clarke offered a little shrug in response.

 

“It's still going. It's getting better though.” Clarke answered.

 

“Well, I'm glad,” Lexa said, pausing for a moment. “My brother would love it here.”

 

Clarke stayed quietly, but encouraged Lexa with a slight nod.

 

“I used to take him to the beach a lot. He would ask about our mom and it was always painful to think about. I would take him to the beach to help take both our minds off it,” She smiled fondly. “If he was here, I'm sure he'd be running all over this place with Monty and Jasper.”

 

“He sounds adorable. I'm sorry to hear about your mom.” Clarke said, resting a hand on her forearm.

 

“It's alright. I just feel bad for Aden. He's growing up without a mother. I try to be there as much as I can. It's hard now that I don’t live there.”

 

“Will we visit them when I see you next?” Clarke asked curiously.

 

“I'm not sure. If we could make the trip out there, then yes. I figure when you come, you could just stay with me since it'll be the weekend.” Lexa shrugged.

 

“I'm totally fine with that,” Clarke giggled. “I would love to meet them. Whenever we do. It doesn't have to be the next time I see you.”

 

“I know. We’ll figure something out.” Lexa said.

 

Clarke giggled, scooting closer to her. Lexa wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Lexa was surprised that she managed to be so calm about it, especially when her insides erupted in butterflies.

 

“Maybe you can sleep in my room again,” Clarke suggested making Lexa's eyes go wide. Clarke was quick to correct herself. “No, not like that. I mean- it's just that, I really like sleeping next to you.”

 

“Me too.” Lexa nodded. The sun was properly setting now and they saw a lot of people stop to capture it.

 

Lexa turned her head to look at Clarke, who was watching the sunset with bright eyes. Lexa softly brought a hand to her cheek, turning her head to face her. Before Clarke could question what Lexa was doing, she brought her in for a sweet kiss. Lexa didn't want to give everyone a show, but wanted the feel of Clarke's lips on hers. She kissed her for a brief second, enjoying the warmth before pulling away.

 

“I could get use to that.” Clarke nodded with a smile on her face. Lexa grinned at her before pulling her phone out and taking more pictures of the sunset.

 

“Can we take a couple of pictures together?” Lexa asked with a shy smile which Clarke offered one back.

 

“Of course.” Clarke answered. She scooted closer to Lexa who wrapped an arm around her waist. Clarke rested her head on Lexa's shoulder before Lexa snapped the picture.

 

Clarke got up so she was standing before the sunset. Lexa thought she looked like a model when she posed and flashed the camera a small smile.

 

The last picture they took was of both of them before the sunset. Lexa sneaked in, placing a kiss on Clarke's cheek before snapping the picture. Clarke giggled against her.

 

Their friends were still scattered around. Raven and Anya weren't too far away from them, giving them their space. They were sitting on a blanket too, enjoying the view. Jasper and Monty were running around the beach like crazy men. Octavia and Lincoln were walking along the shore, sharing shy smiles with each other.

 

Clarke's smile didn’t leave her face the entire night. It was a beautiful sight that Lexa reveled in. She was happy the blonde was enjoying herself. That was all she wanted. She was happy too.

 

They all goofed off for a bit before finally heading back home. They all dispersed to their designated rooms for the night.

 

Lexa slipped into Clarke's room with a devilish smile. She went to go change in the bathroom before coming out.

 

“Are you going to stay?” Clarke asked once Lexa emerged. Lexa offered Clarke a single nod before slipping in bed with her.

 

Lexa didn't think about it when she scooted closer to Clarke and captured her lips. Clarke let out a surprise noise, fumbling against her lips before finally kissing her back.

 

Lexa pressed her lips hard into Clarke, pulling her in by placing a hand on her cheek. Lexa didn't know when she became so bold. It just happened. Her time with Clarke would always be limited, and she didn't know when it would change.

 

The urgency in which Clarke was kissing her back, made Lexa whine. Clarke immediately swallowed it by thrusting her tongue in her mouth. Lexa whined again when their tongues collided in the middle.

 

Lexa leaned back, pulling Clarke down on top of her. Clarke hesitated for a second before straddling her hips. Lexa moaned when Clarke’s core brushed over her center.

 

Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke's waist, locking her into place. Lexa wasn't sure what she was trying to convey into the kiss, but her lips were trembling against Clarke's.

 

Lexa swallowed every desperate moan that came out of Clarke's mouth. Their tongues brushed over each other eagerly, the bodies writhing against each other.

 

Lexa knew she needed to stop the kiss before they go too far. Clarke was having the same internal monologue. Lexa chased Clarke's lips when she pulled away.

 

“I could really get used to that,” Clarke giggled, before getting off her. “But we should stop.”

 

“You're right.” Lexa's chest heaved. Clarke looked at her with bright eyes. She reached out to interlock their fingers. Lexa smiled softly at her before spooning her from behind.

 

Clarke was the first to fall asleep with Lexa right behind her.

* * *

 

“Breakfast of champions!” Clarke exclaimed effectively waking up Lexa.

 

Lexa groaned, throwing Clarke a dirty look.

 

“I wish you would stop waking me up.” Lexa mumbled. Clarke smirked before placing the tray down on the bed.

 

“Not even if I do this?” Clarke asked, placing a soft kiss to the brunette’s lips. Lexa hummed into the kiss, softly connecting her lips to Clarke's.

 

“No, I think I'm okay now.” Lexa nodded sheepishly.

 

“Thought so,” Clarke agreed. “Breakfast?”

 

“Mhm,” Lexa hummed. “Why aren't you eating?”

 

“For someone who wakes up early everyday, you really like to sleep in on the weekends,” Clarke quipped. “I already ate.”

 

“I'm enjoying my time off before we have to leave.” Lexa said, stuffing food in her mouth.

 

Clarke sat down on the bed, frowning.

 

“Don't remind me.” Clarke huffed dramatically.

 

“We’ll call, text, FaceTime. All the good stuff.” Lexa responded.

 

“I don't think this will ever get easy.” Clarke said seriously.

 

“I know.” Lexa whispered.

 

“We’ll see what we can do though,” Clarke flashed her a small smile, before it dropped. “I wanted to give you something before you leave.”

 

“What is it?” Lexa asked curiously, taking a sip of her orange juice. Lexa watched in confusion as Clarke got up abruptly and walked out. She came back in a minute later with a painting in her hand.

 

“I wanted to give this to you. I don't know if I'll ever pick up a pencil and draw like this again, but this is the last painting I drew. I want you to have it.” Clarke said, showing the painting to her. It was of the skyline that Lexa completely admired.

 

“Really?” Lexa asked dumbfounded.

 

“Yes. If you want it.” Clarke offered.

 

“Of course!” Lexa said. “Only if you're sure. I’ll hang it in my dorm.”

 

“Well, yeah. I want you to have it.” Clarke nodded making Lexa grin.

 

“Okay.” Lexa said happily.

 

Lexa finished up eating before showering. She packed all her stuff together, and the mood in the house shifted. Lexa sluggishly walked back to Clarke's room. The blonde was straightening up before Lexa walked over and planted a kiss on her cheek.

 

“I'm going to miss you. We're about to leave.” Lexa murmured against her cheek. Clarke sighed deeply before turning around in her arms.

 

“I'll miss you, too.” Clarke whispered before placing a kiss on Lexa's lips. Lexa leaned against Clarke before backing away.

 

“I'm just a phone call away.” Lexa said with as much enthusiasm as she could. Clarke only offered her a tiny smile.

 

“Yeah. I know.”

 

Lexa pulled Clarke in for another deep kiss, loving that she could kiss her now, hopefully whenever she wanted.

 

“Let's go.” Lexa mumbled. Clarke reluctantly followed after her.

 

Everyone was saying their goodbyes when they reached the bottom of the steps. Clarke leaned against Lexa's back, wrapping her arms around her neck. Lexa stayed still as Lincoln said goodbye to Octavia.

 

The stoic man was a blushing mess around her, and Lexa loved it. Anya was piling their suitcases in the truck while Monty and Jasper were doing a weird handshake in the background.

 

It wasn't long before Clarke had to let her go. Clarke wrapped her arms tight around her before placing a kiss to the bottom of her neck. Lexa leaned up as Clarke leaned down.

 

Their lips connected desperately. Lexa couldn't help, but slip her tongue inside, exploring Clarke’s mouth one last time.

 

“Alright, lovebirds.” Raven snapped her fingers.

 

Clarke pulled away before pulling Raven in for a hug.

 

“You be careful. Call me later.” Clarke instructed.

 

“Of course I will.” Raven promised before pulling Octavia and Jasper in for a hug.

 

Lexa turned around, wrapping the blonde in her arms. She whispered sweet nothings in her ear before she couldn't stall it anymore.

 

They had to leave.

 

Lexa threw Clarke one last look before waving goodbye.

 

“I'll see you soon.” Lexa said with a firm nod. She would do everything in her power to make sure it happened.

 

“You will.” Clarke confirmed with a smile.

 

Lexa said goodbye to Octavia and Jasper before hearing Monty start his truck.

 

“Bye.” Lexa said walking away. Her heart ached knowing she was leaving Clarke for who knows how long. The trip back down here went better than any of them expected. Her time spent with Clarke had been absolutely amazing, and it felt like there wasn't any tension lingering over them anymore.

 

Clarke, Octavia and Jasper waved to the truck until they were out of sight.

 

Clarke sighed heavily because she wasn't sure what to do with herself.

 

“We’ll see them soon.” Octavia whispered sadly.

 

“I hope.” Clarke uttered. Jasper stayed silent as they all entered her house again. It was oddly quiet and Clarke wondered how she was going to get through the next few weeks without Lexa.


End file.
